| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I wish I was like my BF, truly...He hates my past. He also dislikes the fact that I lied a bit about it, but he has lied to me too, so he can't really criticize me for that. But he is practically disgusted with some things I did.Now he said he hates me more each day. That he loves me but that each day he loves me less. I actually don't believe he loves me at all when he says that... he usually says it when he's mad.I've broken up several tiems with him over comments like those. He always comes crawling back asking for forgiveness, telling me that the things he said aren't true at all, and saying how much he needs me and loves me and that he wants to marry me that I'm the love of his life. He also says these things when we're having nice moments, when he doesn't get mad over my past.However, just now he said I should believe him, that it's absolutely true that he is starting to hate me more, and love me and care less about me. He's mad though.I'm torn. I don't know what to believe... and I wish I was in his shoes; I've done nothing wrong other than lying, my past is mine, not his so why should he hate me for it? He has been mean to me on the other hand, lied, has been especifically hurtful towards me... he should be suffering, not me. I should be the one telling him I love him less every day... but I love him so much, even more than ever!Is this what I get for being a good woman? It's not fair! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): In one scenario, he's just being a manipulative asshole. Get away from that guy as fast as you can.
The other possibility is that he's just as conflicted inside as he is on the outside. A lot of guys care about a girl's past more when they care about her more in the present. It's easier to let a girl's past go when you don't feel as much of a deep affection for her. But then you start really falling for her, and the harder you fall the worse her past starts to hurt you.
Guys caring about a girl's sexual past is normal. It's natural. Males are built that way, females are not nearly as much. That stuff is built into men. They don't just sit around choosing to feel bad about their GF's past for the fun of it. A guy can't just turn off the bad feelings like a radio as soon as it gets inconvenient. It hurts him every hour of every day. It never goes away, and the more he cares about you the worse it gets.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): So he's verbally abusive towards you normally but when you threaten to leave he BEGS you to take him back? I doubt he's playing you for a fiddle. Sounds like he's insecure. You tend to have lots of fights over little stuff? You talk to a boy at work and get called a slut by him? People like this usually know that their feelings are extreme (ex: your bf probably knows that your past shouldn't bother him). However they cannot control their insecure feelings when they're upset. In this case it's FAR more likely his behavior will get worse instead of better. Dump him
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Just mimic those words exactly the same way back to him and
make him feel the same as what you are going through.
This is like giving him the same old bitter medicine...LOL!
When someone throws a hot potato at you ,
what do you do?
Throw it back at him!
Your weakness is loving him too much and he is heaping
mental and emotional abuse at you to chip away your
confidence and self esteem.
Don't be like a door mat and let him walk all over you.
Be more affirmative and stick for your rights.
...............................
A
female
reader, Porschla  +, writes (14 April 2008):
Goodness! What kind of bf say things like that?! He doesn't even deserve to be your friend! I totally agree with madflash's advice "The next time he tells you something negative like that, despite how much it will hurt, say, "Then let's not waste any more of our time. Come over here and kiss me goodbye. It's been fun, but I guess it's time to move on."
See how he'll react to that.
You need to have a sense of self-worth. Don't let anyone else make you feel like crap. If you don't stand up for yourself, nobody else will. Good luck sweety.
...............................
A
male
reader, madflash  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 He's playing you like a fiddle, babe. I've used that stuff myself back in my younger, more selfish years.
It's all a game to him, but it's serious to you. He says mean things to make you want him more and it's working like a charm.
I think I saw a question from him earlier that said, "All your other suggestions worked like a charm. What new resentments can I share with my girl to make her even crazier about me?"
The guy you're crazy about sounds like an immature weasel. He's verbally extorting you, and you're letting yourself be extorted. The next time he tells you something negative like that, despite how much it will hurt, say, "Then let's not waste any more of our time. Come over here and kiss me goodbye. It's been fun, but I guess it's time to move on."
See how he reacts to that, especially when you kick his butt out the door. Don't return his calls for a week, and when you do finally break down and spend time with him, make it clear that you two are back to merely dating, and that both of you should see other people as well.
It's called taking back your power, Sweety. You lost it, and now only a drastic fix will win it back.
I don't think you have the guts to follow my advice, but if you did it would work wonders for your relationship.
Best wishes, and good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, love-him  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 HEY!!
From what you are saying, he is like what my partner was at the begining of our 2 year relationship.. how long has he been acting like this (the love thing)? you need to say to him.. look.. the past is the past.. let go of it.. when he says he loves you less.. you need to jump in and say, fine well its only getting worse.. whats the point.. and see how he answers.. Stick up for yourself.. i know it will be hard but dont let him take the mick out of you!
GOOD LUCK!! Mail me if you want to talk x x x
...............................
|
