A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really unsure if me and my boyfriend have a future together.After nearly a year together I discovered texts on my boyfriends phone begging his ex to get back with him from around the time we got together. I snooped on his phone, don't ask me why. We were happy at the time but I always had a sneaking suspicion so I wanted to check to be sure if I could trust him.I initially broke up with him, but I took him back after he wrote me a letter begging for me back. Although we are still together we are really rocky. He consistently tells me he loves me, but I just can't seem to get over it. It comes up nearly every fortnight and I will just very depressed and bring it up again. I think it is because I still feel like second best because he was telling her he didn't love me and that he needed her back.He told me that she had sent him messages asking about me and that he was lying to her to try and spare her feelings... But it just doesn't make sense to me, I think that's why I really can't forget it.I am also a bit frustrated that after a year and a half together we still aren't living together and our relationship isn't really moving forward. I don't know if it is me or him, maybe I'm holding back because I don't want to invest in a relationship based on lies.He is also quite thoughtless sometimes and will do things without considering my feelings. We work at the same place and he will do things like - go to the pub after work without letting me know and I will be stood around waiting for him. It's lots of little things that all add up. I know he loves me, I really know he does. But at times his thoughtlessness really gets to me and that with the messages and the fact that our relationship is stagnating are really making me doubt the longevity of our relationship.Is this something that can be salvaged or should I throw in the towel now and save myself time and heartache?My gut feeling is that it won't last but I do love him.Thanks for reading
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): This is what happens when someone goes through a break up and doesn't give themselves time to heal or get over the ex. They get into another relationship to fill the void left by there ex and can't bare the thought of being alone.
You should break up with him anyway, just for texting his ex. If he really loved you and wanted to be with you, he would have no need to contact her, or reply to her. He needs to spend some time alone.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 October 2013):
 Back in the beginning, he wanted to spare his Ex-girlfriends feelings by telling her he didn’t love you!? (That’s not very charming of him?) Sure enough you haven’t allowed him to forget it, so why would either of you want to live together too be reminded “nearly every fortnight” for the rest of your life – talk about longevity? Neither of you are making any sense nor head waves to move forward, especially you.
Generally if one is feeling second best it’s because of low-self esteem or that someone like him has other priorities and starts treating you poorly without due consideration etc?
However he can learn to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful, while on the other hand if you won’t let go of the past as you keep bringing it up, this will be a waste of time!?
Here the issue or emotional injury of his phone texts has not been dealt with, so while you constantly feed yourself with negative feelings, of being second best; he goes about in ‘la la land’ thinking it’s been resolved when he wrote a letter, begging you back? But in the meanwhile his thoughtlessness, by leaving you standing around waiting for him etc. is only deflating your self-esteem further and giving you doubt...
Certainly if this were me, I’d be trying to get over the past, and tell him how I’d like to be treated if he’s worthy of my emotional investment!?
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Miss.Cupid  +, writes (22 October 2013):
 I think his ex is just that one girl he will never get over, even though his with you. she's his true love, But usually there are red flags when it comes to these cases. And of course the number one red flag is if you sense something is wrong, or if you are unhappy with the place both of you guys are in then definitely I suggest for you two to break up. Its not healthy for you to be with someone that would leave you in a second if his ex asked for him back. Good luck. Save yourself from the hearthbreak.
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