A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My gf of 1.5 years recently told me that she likes a guy from work as as more than friends but is unsure about what to do. She said she loves me and she doesn't love him because it is too early to tell. She said she recognizes that it is unfair to me but still wishes to hangout with the guy to see what happens. She said she does not see herself ending up with him for work reasons and stuff. She cited the fact that there are a few qualities about me that she doesn't know if she wants to deal with the rest of her life, and that this guy has endearing qualities but she hasn't known him long enough to judge anything by it. She said she wants a break so she can figure out what she truly wants, but I don't do breaks because I don't think I could get over the wondering what she did while we were on one part. She said she plans on still hanging out with him to get to know him better and proceeded to tell me it's a phase and that if she had to gues she would end up with me. I think the more they hangout the more she will like him because it's hard to see negatives in someone at first. I really want to stay with her because I know she wouldn't cheat on me while they are hanging out, and she still wants to hangout with me. Is this something I can fix by correcting a few actions in our relationship? Do I give her space and trust that she will end up with me? What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2017): She's telling you in a roundabout way she wants to break-up and see another guy. It's as simple as that. She already knows what she wants. It's him. You're being wimpy and whiny, and she doesn't want the drama of a breakup.
Man-up and grow a pair, dude. "Break" is short for "breakup"
You're in denial, and want to believe she won't cheat on you. You can't be that thick or naive, bro!
She wants you to be on stand-by in the event he rejects her. If things look good, then she'll dump you.
Have more dignity than that.
Let her take a very long and "indefinite break!" While you prepare to move on, get-over her, and eventually find somebody else.
Grow-up and take it for what it is. She wants to breakup with you.
A
female
reader, ALM12 +, writes (21 September 2017):
 No. Let her go and be free. OP it’s like she’s telling you she has a crush on someone. She may even step out on the relationship if she hasn’t already. So this is like her forewarning you. Let her go
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2017): Keep your pride and self respect, don't let her destroy that, you deserve better, walk away..
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (21 September 2017):
 Give her space and lots of it. So much space that you have room for someone else. I mean really, there is honesty in a relationship, that I totally respect and then there is ...HONESTLY!!! as in are you for real honey? She is cheating, just not physical, not yet anyway. Good luck
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 September 2017):
 Seriously?
You dump her immediately. Do you really value yourself that little that you're willing to wait to see whether your GF decides if she likes someone else more than you?
Where's your self respect? Tell her sure, go ahead and see if you like this other dude, but drop me out your life in the process.
Grow a backbone man
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 September 2017):
 Break up with her. She is not committed to you. Being in a relationship is more than just not kissing/having sex with others. Its about commitment and working towards building up your relationship and making it strenger. She, on the other hand, is tearing this relationship down and has no interest in making it stronger. She wants out. This break is just her breaking up in a cowardly way.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 September 2017):
 You are her Plan B in case the other guy doesn't work out. You are worth more than that.
Don't agree to any temporary breaks because that will just eat away at you. If she is already telling you there are things about you that she cannot see herself dealing with long term, then this relationship is not going to last. Cut her loose and find someone who accepts you, faults and all. If the things she refers to are likely to cause issues in other relationships, then I would advise you look at sorting them out before looking for a new relationship.
Save yourself a lot of hurt and let her go completely. Don't keep contact with her. Don't hang out. Block her. She wants her freedom so wish her luck and let her go. Don't wait in case this new guy doesn't work out and she thinks you "will do" while she looks for someone else (as she has already told you there are things about you she doesn't want to cope with long term).
Be strong. You are worth more.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (21 September 2017):
Give her space, permanent space. If she loved you, she wouldn't have any other guys that she likes. Leave and find someone who only wants you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2017): I can hardly believe the brazen cheek in her presenting you with this proposition. She has taken you for granted, and clearly has no respect for you.
Why would you even consider changing something when she has pretty much decided to explore her feelings for this other guy? If she were truly being considerate of you and cared an iota about you,she would have ended things with you and then explored whatever she wants with whomever she wants.
There are no points given to her for her "honesty" as it is totally self-serving and she is trying to play you. She still wants to hang out with you? Very magnanimous of her. And you're happy with the crumbs she offering?!
Don't sacrifice your self-respect and dignity for anyone,least of all for a person who thinks you this lowly of you. Please end it, and leave with your head high.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (21 September 2017):
 NO! Two things here
1. She wants you in the background in case the new guy doesn't work out (ie while she waits to see what happens)
2. This way she "thinks" she wont be viewed by ou and other friends as a cheater .... and she is planning to cheat if she hasn't already.
You need to be the one to take decisive action here. Tell her "thanks but no thanks," go cold turkey, block her number, block her on social media and everywhere else. She is not a nice girl!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 September 2017):
 I would wish her well and end it.
YOU are not a "fixer upper" house that will be "just" perfect if only certain things are changed.
If you change yourself, DO it because YOU know and FEEL it's right to change those things. And do it FOR you, for you to be a BETTER version of you - not to be another guy.
If she is "in love" with this other dude then she is only holding on to you "just in case" the other guy doesn't work out. That isn't fair to you.
Do be that sap that let's "his" GF walk all over him because he thinks she will realize how great of a guy you are and can be. She is trying to play you against another guy whom she is idealizing (probably because she really doesn't know him).
HAVE some dignity and self-respect and end it.
Then find a girl who CAN and WILL love you for YOU - not for some altered version.
Doesn't mean you can't work on yourself in the meantime.
IF she truly loved YOU she wouldn't have "fallen" for someone else. A crush perhaps but no love.
You deserve way more than this.
It almost sounds like she wants an open relationship where SHE can do as she pleases and you just sit on the sideline sucking it up.
Come on, OP
You know this relationship is dead in the water.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Reverse role and if a guy said what your girlfriend said to you to another girl, everyone would call him a douche, player, and loser. She is essentially that. Shes saying I want to see if I have chemistry with someone and have sex with him but I want you to know if that doesnt work out I would like to see you again. Shes a total jerk and making you -- her boyfriend for 1.5 years, option 2. A great girlfriend would try squash those feelings from other guy and focus on the guy who has invested in her for over a year. Youre being played.
I would never take someone like this back. Pride is not the answer but this is a situation that calls for your self respect. She is disrespecting and youre considering to take her back. I would immediately drop a person like this. Not only is she making you her second option , shes saying you have qualities she doesnt like, she is willing to end a 1.5 relationship because its obvious this attraction at work is only lust base and after the sex she would be begging you back, and she opened up in a way that has only distilled distrust. What if you do take her back but she gets a new job, will shr want explore things with her new coworkers as well while you wait for her make up her mimd ?
Youre young. Tell her youre not going to wait around and she is disrespecting you not as her boyfriend, but also as a man. Reverse roles and women would not accept this behavior as well. Hope things work out. Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Honestly I couldn't stand their while my partner told me he liked someone else and is going to keep seeing them to see what happens. She might be to honest for her good but I couldn't sit and wait. If it was me I would be away. She doesn't have much respect for you if she is being this open about liking someone else and not wanting to do anything about it. Honestly you deserve better than that.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Sorry - let her go. When they say they want a break to figure things out, it's a no-hoper. Please save ourself the pain.
And anyway what arrogance for her to think she has a choice - that it is in her domain to pick and choose.
Have some self respect and don't hang around to see what she finally decides. It could be some other chump. She sounds very immature.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (20 September 2017):
You don't have any cards to play. She is being kind to the point of cruelty. She wants to meet other people, you cannot stop her, you cannot change to please her, you should let her go and if she comes back, she will be yours, but don't count on it.
You are so young, if you force her to choose by not 'allowing' a break she will; emotionally cheat on you, actually cheat on you, or break up with you. The uncertainty of this is worse than being broken up I promise.
Life is really tough, but certainty is much better than uncertainty. Good Luck
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