A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance's three adult children never respond to his invitations to visit us over the holidays. He has e-mailed them, texted them, left messages on their phones, but they never respond. Communication is sporadic at best. The two sons are single and the daughter is married with no children. It's almost like he does not have any children. Maybe that is a blessing in disguise given their behavior.It's hard for me to make plans as far as food preparation when they don't respond.I don't have any children, but I invite my fiance's parents who are elderly and my own extended family of aunts and uncles that may be alone over the holidays due to their spouses passing on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): his kids are jerks, because his ex wife raised them to be so. the fruit does not fall far from the tree. I bet they all just treat him as an ATM machine.
let them go and don't bother with them, assume that since they didn't say they would come over, they're not. Family consists of people that you love and who love you so focus on them, not on his offspring.
it's unfortunate how one person (the ex wife) can wreck an entire family but this is very common. It has happened in my mother's family. She and her siblings didn't reconcile with their father until 30 years after her parents divorced. All this time they were fed lies by their mother about him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): I wanted to add that I have read sites about step children and I have adopted the mantra: Not my child not my problem."If" they do show up on the door step the will only be getting coffee.It is very rude and disrespectful. So I will have to write them off. I'd wish he would not invite them at all. It would save us so much hassle and not leave us dangling and wondering
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): I feel his ex-wife tainted their view of their father through the years. She painted a bad picture of him to his children when they were growing up. He worked so hard for all of them to keep up with his wife's spending habits. She spent them into the ground and she didn't hold a job.That doesn't excuse their current behavior. Maybe they see me as a threat to their inheritance. Their behavior isn't winning them any favors and any inheritance due them is dwindling due to their behavior. So it's a loss loss situation.I needed to plan for food if they were to stay overnight and get the sleeping quarters ready with clean sheets and extra blankets, etc. So yes, not responding affects my plans as well.Inside I am fuming. I'd love to tell them off but I can't.My fiance always invites them but he always sets himself up to be hurt by their actions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): "My fiance's three adult children never respond to his invitations to visit us over the holidays. . . It's almost like he does not have any children"Perhaps they are opposed to their father's relationship with you. If their mother is still alive, then perhaps they have made a conscious decision to include her and exclude their father (and, by extension, you). Perhaps they simply object to their father living with any woman other than their mother. Given your stated age group it is very likely you are closer to his children's age than his age, and if that is the case, then their displeasure is understandable and expected, if not justified. Whatever the scenario, I suspect they are making a statement regarding their opinion about your presence in their father's life with their collective silence.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I agree with SVC as well. No response means not coming.
If they do show up when the day comes, you can offer them coffee and dessert. Be pleasant but make no apologies.
And yes, it is very rude.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 November 2012):
Are you sure there isn't more to this that you don't know?? Seems to me like they're bearing a grudge of some sort??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): Is it rude, yes, its disrespectful. But SVC, is right, if they dont RSVP, its their loss. My boyfriends family is like that. Hes 25. They ONLY invite us the day of xmas, thanksgiving, ect; they dont wish him happy bday, much less get him anything, yet they call him b4 his older and younger sisters bdays to remind him to call them, he gets them gifts and calls his fam. We invite them to things. Im 23 and have hosted quite a few holidays for my age and they show up but never RSVP. So its frusterating, but you just have to make your own plans and go about your life, no matter how disheartening.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I'm with SVC, I would just assume they are not coming and show/prepare accordingly.
Is this the norm for the communication between your fiance and his children? The him reaching out and them ignoring him?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
 Listen if he called, he texted, he emailed... and they did not respond, then they are not coming. easy enough to make plans... you send them an invitation with an RSVP and a date that it's due by. IF they don't respond the answer is NO
IF they have the chutzpah to show up now... just say "sorry we did not hear from you we don't have enough for you"
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