A
male
age
30-35,
*CE44
writes:Hi, i have been in a relationship with this girl for 3 good years. i recently started suspecting something as she never wanted me to touch her phone. i kept it cool till one day i decided to just grab it and see what was the reason. what i found was heart pounding, she had been flirting with this guy,they kissed and almost had sex but didn't. i confronted her and i got so mad i hit her. the whole thing changed course and i was the culprit. i love her so much and i was the one apologizing, but she said she never knew me any more and that between us, there is no 'relationship' until she forgets about the whole incident. the thing is, it beaks my heart that we are not connected and that she still has a lot of guy friends who call and text her 24/7. what should i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): don't you guys believe in "anything is possible"??i believe they can work things out if they are really willing!!things can be forgotten.People have the ability to change and they are no exception!so far no one has produced a less critical advice but pure condemnation. People make mistakes and chances can be given!!think twice before saying things people!!.Ace
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): You need to break up.You are both young and and are not meant to continue in a relationship together. You don't love her. You want her. You want to control and possess her, but this is not love.Not only did you make her feel unloved and uncared for emotionally, you became PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE towards her and proceeded to tell us how unfair the whole thing is because you think she shouldn't be blaming you for slapping her or for your relationship falling apart because she cheated.The problems in your relationship started long before she started talking to and flirting with other men. Most likely, she expressed her frustrations with the relationship to you, you ignored or dismissed them, she felt like you didn't care and some other man stepped up to try and care for her.You need to learn how to communicate with your words instead of using violence. Once you have matured, you will find love and realize what you had with this girl pales drastically in comparison.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): C'mon r u blind or sumthing ! She keepin al those records means "SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU " that's it. She left you after u hav hit her but did she ever asked u "why did u hit me ?".. No. (i gues). Please do not waste time after this girl. There wud be someone better waiting for you . Beliv me "life doesn't end there honey ! "
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): "what should i do?"
Nothing other than be thankful she didn't call the police and have you arrested for domestic assault, as she should have done.
Never an excuse for hitting a woman, absolutely shameful and disgraceful that you're justifying and rationalizing your cowardly actions by equating them to her perceived transgressions against you.
She would be an complete and utter fool to ever consider reconciling with you, especially since you show absolutely zero remorse while prattling on about her "guy friends."
Your sheer obliviousness to the severity of the situation demonstrates you need professional help and you need it ASAP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): To be honest, I don't think it will work out.She did what she did for a reason in the first place, and now the fact you went ahead an hit her has just made it easier for her to walk away.I think a lack of communication was the start of the problem. Because the three years together obviously wasn't as great for her as they were for you, but she should have been honest with you if she wasn't happy, not go ahead and do what she did.No one can condone cheating or violence in a relationship, and hitting her wasn't the way to go. Two wrongs don't make a right. You should have walked out and went for time to cool off and then come back and sit down to talk about it like adults.All you both can do now is make changes for the better, whatever they may be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Break up, without a doubt. You will be apologizing for the rest of the time you know her. And she is that much more likely to cheat on you without remorse now.
But you can break up in a civil manner. Apologize for hitting her (but not for your feelings that led up to it) and try to keep things decent if you can.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Dude, not cool. You dont deserve her forgiveness. You put your hands on her. I think you should let her go. As a man I can never respect another man who hit a woman. You.are scum, plain and simple. I hope she finds a good man who can treat her properly. I'm sorry to say but if this is indication of your behavior in the relationship, I'm not suprised she cheated. Let tgis.be a lesson to you. KEEP YOUR ANGER AWAY FROM YOUR FISTS.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): It was wrong for you to hit her.
Why? Because she is NOT worth it.
Chalk this down to one of lifes mistakes and do not even contemplate being with her again.
You see OP, now the focus is on your physical reaction to her cheating, and Not her wrongdoing. Shes gotten away scotfree for cheating and now you are in the dwang because you hit her.
Two wrongs? Yes
OP as you get older you will realise that cheating skanks are not worth raising your hands: the best way forward now is to cut off all contact with her. For good. She will not change. Shes a cheater!
Oh and get some counselling for your anger issues. Learn to be strong and control your temper.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Hey there,There is a difference between harmless flirting and flirting with a motive..and it is wrong on your girlfriend to text*nd even make out with someone else while in a relationship with you..BUT saying that I always want to say IT GIVEs YOU NO RIGHT TO HIT her,you can't raise a hand on a woman it speaks volumes about how you respect and treat a woman,you mite have lost your cool and enraged seeing those texts but you shldnt have raised a hand..You could have handled it more maturely confronted her,asked her about it..You realised your mistake and you aplogised it a good thing but if your girlfriend is really interested in this other guy you should let go,there is no point tying someone down and forcing them to be with you,the more you do that the more drawn she'l be towards this other guy..Let that person go,when you do and if she comes back then she's yours if she doesn't then move on..!You don't deserve someone who your constantly worried might be cheating on you,what's important for a healthy relationship is trust which is already missing here..If I were you I'd ask her what she wants and tell her if this is how its goin to be then you rather not be in a relationship..Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): You are lucky she hasn't gone to the police, no matter what someone does hitting them is the most stupid, cowardly reaction. Were you not capable of talking it out with her? Yes what she did was hurtful and completely wrong but someone with more than two brain cells would have wanted to know why and be able to argue without resorting to hitting her.
There is nothing you can do. If she has any sense she will not get back with you because you hit her. That is a relationship breaker and worse than cheating because you physically hurt the person you are meant to love. I suggest you speak to your doctor about anger management as in future relationships you cannot act like that if your partner does something to make you angry. Perhaps going to counselling to deal with your anger she will see you are trying to change and may forgive you but she can't have been happy in your relationship anyway if she kissed someone else.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 You two sounds so wrong for each other. I know you say you love her but this seems like a destructive relationship. You were violent and she can't be faithful. What is left?
I know it's hard to hear, and I'm so sorry for being this blunt but I want to be honest. You either need to sit down and talk properly about what you each want to get out of this relationship or you call it off before it gets worse. You can't trust her, and she can't help herself by flirting so... you need to do something.
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