A
female
age
36-40,
*roken1234
writes:I dont really know where to start...Back in June I posted about how I had canceled my wedding to my fiance of 3 years and left him, and how i felt bad because he was beyond hurt. I was given a lot of advice on how he would get over it eventually and see it was for the best etc. However since then, he has lost soo much weight, he still cry's, he left the house we own took everything even my stuff and it ended up foreclosing last week, he never paid for the car which is in both of our names, which ended up getting seized last week also, we have loans and other debt in both of our names and he has taken off. He is being soo hostile I dont know what to do.. He has taken all my things, everything but the clothes i took when i left!! He even sent me a text last week to inform me all of the items my deceased uncle left me he burned. I find this so cruel and mean considering the reason why i left was because i did not see a future with us any more, and his insecurity issues were getting out of control, he also had an 11 year old daughter that I just could not play mom to any more as I'm only 23 and began to realize that was not the life for me, he was 7 years older then me and we just were at different stages in our life's, and it wouldn't have been fair to either of them if he and I got married. Since June when i left I have met someone, someone my age and someone who finally shares the same goals and willingness to travel and enjoy life that i do. I did not plan on meeting anyone, i didn't want to... i wanted to stay single for as long as possible yet it only lasted a month before i met this incredible person i am now in a relationship with. My ex knows this, and was devastated... could this have been why he decided to mess me up financially? and why he would have burnt the things left to me from my uncle who passed away? I just can't understand it. I now will have to file for bankruptcy as i have been left with no other options with our debt being wayyy too much and him taking off. I have spent so much money on lawyers who have done nothing for me. Is this really the price I have to pay for my happiness? How can I get the things back of mine that he has taken? Can the police help? as I cant afford my lawyer any longer.I'm just so lost and so stressed out with all of this. Any advice would be appreciated!
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (16 November 2009):
I'm not really sure how the system work in Canada...but yes, I think you should file a police report and try to get it back, and if you can't get them back; take him to small claims court. I think here, the value of what you're trying to get back can't exceed $3,000 or $5,000 (can't remember) in small claims--and the fee is a lot smaller and you don't need a lawyer. But I'm not sure if you have that or maybe have something similar to that in Canada.Unfortunately, I think you'll just have to take this as a lesson learned. Don't start accruing debt with someone until you're actually married. It sucks and it's definitely going to be a pain to deal with--but if you want to try to look at the glass half full, at least you won't do that again in the future. The best of luck to you.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Wow....Well as sad as this must be for you I guess you must have not realized just how devastated your fiance was. People have very different reactions to it.I wonder however why when you cancelled the wedding that you didnt immediately take posession of your own things? I mean if you are going to do that you must have understood that due to his reaction that your property was in jeopardy? The reason I say this is because over twenty years ago I was less than a month from my wedding. I had just closed on a house to give to my fiance as a surprise wedding present. I came home to find my fiance having sex in my bed with one of my friends. Sol I know a little about the mindset of a guy who has had the rug pulled out from under him. I don't know what the laws are in Canada, but Jesus if you cancelled the wedding its quite an emasculating thing to a man. I don't really know what to tell you here, since I'm a jailhouse lawyer of sorts.But to him it dosen't matter. You cancelled the wedding, and met somebody within a month. as Ive said before on this forum, perception is reality. So in his mind you did it underhandedly. I did not read your other posts on the subject so I am just going by my own experiences and what you have written here. I'm not passing judgment on you. I'm speaking from a guy who had his world blown up by a fiance who cheated on him just before the wedding. I dont know your circumstances, but in reality it doesent matter.You cancelled the wedding and that destroyed him. Thats just a simple fact any way you look at it.So that being said, once again his perception is that you ruined his life, and sadly that I am afraid in a personal sense you did and will just have to live with. The things with burning your stuff(which was stuff you had from a deceased family member) was simply a form of revenge for what you did to him. Probably a lot of this is a revenge factor. But in a way as someone who was in a similar situation I can see where he is coming from. I don't condone it (20 years ago I would have) but I understand it.I think in reality the material and financial things you lost are just that...things. In time you can recover your finances back. But in lieu of that you have really only legal options at this point. And frankly if I were you Id cut off all contact with him. Any more contact is probably going to enrage him to the point now of wanting to harm you physically.I don't think you will want to be involving the police in this. Lawyers maybe...Police...NO WAY. That will just make it worse for you down the road. Men who get jilted at the altar have a revenge factor, and it sounds like this whole thing has left him in total destruction mode. So anything you do at this point right now on your own without a Lawyer is a pretty dangerous notion.I think that you may be able to sue him, otherwise, yes its going to be the price you pay. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (16 November 2009):
 This sounds awful. However, you bought a house and financed a car with him and left yourself open to being financially ruined when you walked away from those debts, presuming he would take care of them. When we sign financial agreements, we sign them until the debt is paid; not until the relationship we are in is over.
I really feel for his daughter. It doesn't sound like she has a good role model in her father, who should take the break-up on the chin and give his daughter a good life, finding the strength to heal his wounds in his love for her...
I don't know if the police can help you out, although it is worth looking into. Another option is small claims court where no lawyers are needed.
This man is hurt. He wants you to feel some of the pain you’ve caused him. Does that make his behaviour ok? No. It’s very childish and frankly pathetic. However, pushing it on the financial end might be rubbing salt in the wounds…
Any property worth keeping should have been taken with you and I would not have presumed anyone would pay bills on my behalf (shared or not) when I left them, especially if they appeared prone to strong emotional responses.
If it were me, I might write the losses off and chalk it up to experience, although it is a hard way to learn the lesson.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 November 2009):
I'm sorry he's treated you this way. It has been very cruel. It might be worth speaking to the police because he did steal your stuff. Something might come from that.
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