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*ill23
writes: People who are Narcissist use individual as options or conveniences to satisfy their needs, whatever they may be. They get along with people pleasers who sacrifice their own rights to please them and let them have their way. But what about the people who treat the Narcissist like crap, use them like options, and have nothing to offer for them to use. My ex-girlfriend and my father are both Narcissist and I notice that the people who can’t do anything for them, use them, and threat them like the badly they go above and beyond for them why is that. How come they don’t put these people down and hurt them the way they hurt the ones who care about them that they are using. Is this normal behavior for a Narcissist or is something wrong with them when they let people treat them badly and get away with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Yeah it's normal, you see the biggest thing to a narcissist is their ego they want everyone to like them and think they're special so when they find a person that doesn't that need then forces them to work extra hard to get validation from that person.
Pretty tough being that way I'd say, you're either shitty to people or people are shitty to you.
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reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 July 2012):
Hi there. Narcissistic people usually do only what serves them, with very little consideration for others' needs.
They want what they want, and they don't particularly care if it inconveniences others.
They don't set out to hurt others, more that they ask others to help them by doing favours for them - take them shopping, do some errands for them, drive them somewhere they have to go.
And on a regular basis, to the point sometimes, where it becomes a bit overbearing and extremely selfish and inconsiderate.
What they never really do however, is to reciprocate.
They don't offer in return, to do some kind of favour for others who help them.
It just doesn't occur to them.
And if it was suggested to them, they usually find an excuse why they can't.
They get disappointed if someone can't just drop everything to do something for them, and can make people feel a bit guilty for saying "No" they can't, because they are busy.
And many times, they honestly EXPECT that others should just stop whatever they are doing, and come and help them with whatever the narcissist wants to be done.
And usually, the narcissist feels no guilt whatsoever, but more that it's their God given right, that others help them whenever they want help.
And if someone does say - "I can't at the moment, I have to do (whatever)" - the narcissist can turn on the tears, show obvious disappointment, get angry or sarcastic, because they didn't get what they wanted.
We all have to think of ourselves sometimes, and we must look after ourselves to keep happy and well, and unless we look after our own needs, we cannot help others.
So a healthy level of narcissism is normal.
It only becomes unreasonable, when a person expects too much of others, and never returns an offer to assist them some time in the near future.
In simple terms, the narcissist only thinks of their own needs, and not others.
It's almost as if they don't realize that others' have needs too, and aren't just their at the narcissist's beck and call, at the drop of a hat.
They are probably the opposite of the Philanthropist.
Not sure if the spelling here is right.
The philanthopist, being a person who does work in the purpose of helping others, and making a difference in the world.
The reason why a narcissist is the way they are, could be that they want to feel important in the world.
And so they make unreasonable demands on others to help them, and to expect them to drop everything there and then to do that, helps the nearcissist to feel that importance - at least in their own minds, anyway.
It can originate from early childhood in someone who has a very low self esteem, and needs some kind of boost to make them feel good about themselves.
It could also happen in someone who has had a troubled or unhappy childhood - perhaps from a broken family, some other kind of tragedy, one of their parents dying when they were fairly young - and it basically starts the process of always feeling insecure in loving relationships, and in probably most relationships generally.
And they have very little trust that things will work out well.
They are often pessimists - always seeing only the negative things, and rarely the positives.
They start to doubt that every relationship they get into will fail, or that they will lose that person in some way.
They basically crave the attention, that someone helping them can bring.
As I was saying earlier, it makes them feel worthy - and important.
It always comes across as selfish, and it is selfish, although they have no clue whatsoever that what they are doing is selfish. They consider it to be normal!
So there you have it.
What to do about a narcissist?
Start being less available to them.
Even if you ARE NOT genuinely busy, just say you are. Make something up, if you have to.
I am not saying NEVER help them, just that you don't offer help so often, and that you learn to say "NO" sometimes, so they will not always get their own way.
And that way, they can never take you or anyone else for granted.
You have to teach people how to treat you in life.
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