A
female
age
41-50,
*reeneyesxox
writes:I got chatting to a guy online nearly 4 months now , at first he told me he was single but eventually he told me he wasn't and he has a daughter . I'm ok with this it's his life , he lives miles away from me but we decided to meet up . He drive over 2 and half hours to meet me just for 4 hours !! We chatted then we kissed and messed around a bit and because of the sexual tension I have him a bj it felt right and I was horny . After we kissed and he said he would txt me when he's home to tell me he got back ok , I stayed up to wait for him to txt but he txted me all the way home saying I was gorgeous and he couldn't keep his hands off me and he had a great time etc . We txt every day nearly all day back n forth , he makes me laugh and he's sweet and I can not wait to sleep with him and him like wise . I like him for fun and it will always be secret fun and friends . He sUd he loves his daughter so much she's his world and wouldn't want to turn her life upside down , his relationship is complicated with his gf , he says the sex is same old boring but he still sleeps with her :/ . But this is none of my business at the end of the day . I still can't believe he txts me every day all day and to travel all them miles to see me . We are planning to meet again soon . Do fwb do this ? Or do you think it seems like he's getting attached to me ? He even said he wants me to visit where he lives and even for me to come and stay at his brothers house who knows about me , is this normal for fwb ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 February 2014):
 IF I was having an affair and lying and cheating on my partner I would be doing it 200 miles away. He would never consider I would drive that far for some sex when I could get it closer to home.
OP you are NOT FWB with this guy... you are his dirty secret on the side UNLESS his GF knows and approves. IF he's cheating on her and lying to HER... don't you think he's capable of lying to YOU?
FWB means FRIENDS... you are not his FRIEND you are his handy penis holder.
And while YOU are not cheating and YOU are not the REASON for his personality defects (lying and cheating) and you are not the reason if his life as he knows it breaks up... you are fully a CATALYST in all of this.
IF you are ok making the choice to be complicit in the lies this man creates... then that's fine but don't think this is FWB.
While FWB is essentially rule free... to me ONE of the KEY elements of FWB is that NEITHER party is lying or cheating on a partner while having sex with someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): Yes, the contact is heavy surrounding a hook up. It will dwindle down to nothing until he feels like it again. The man calls all the shots in situations like this, and the girl gets to sit and wonder. I'm sure he's feeling a certain euphoria with the excitement, but that's ALL it is. Please don't be disillusioned that you're ever more to him than sex. I've been there, done that, and know from personal experience. It's very fun and intoxicating while things are going well like they are now, but as soon as contact drops off, you will be left crying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): To keep his side-pussy sweet. The guy obviously doesn't want to lose his easy lay, so he's putting it on thick. No deeper meaning really, just tell it's fine if you don't message each other every day, your legs will still be open and he'll calm down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): Here's an idea. Ask him. You've dismissed our answers.
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A
female
reader, Greeneyesxox +, writes (14 February 2014):
Greeneyesxox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe lives 200 miles away from me he could find sex closer to where he lives , I don't want more from him and I have had fwb before him with another guy but this guy messages me every day and all day and if I haven't messaged he asks " why no message ?" , my question is why so much contact when we both no where we stand with each other ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): You're ok with sleeping with a man who has a partner and a child? Don't you see anything wrong with that? No, he doesn't care about you at all. He only cares about getting laid and you'll regret ever laying eyes on him one day.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 February 2014):
 FWBs (men) do whatever it takes to get a sure lay.....
It seems far more common that the woman in an FWB gets attached to the man... BUT, it's not unheard of that the guy would fall for the lady...
Enjoy what you have, as long as you have it and want it... and let the future take its course....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Your question is the typical question a woman would ask, if she developed feelings in a situation with a man where he isn't committed to her. You're searching for a clue.
You are someone he has sex with. There may be many other women he has met online. Being "text-mates" is not by any means a commitment of any kind. He is texting regularly in order to hold up his "expected" (but not required) end of being a FWB. To keep the bedroom-door open. It is obligatory communication, purely technical, and not an emotional-indicator of any sort.
Friends with benefits is based on an agreement to have casual sex. Having no attachment, no implied sentiment, and no moral obligation to your f*ck-buddy. Everything opposite of an exclusive and committed relationship. "Friends" is the added disclaimer; which denotes all feelings are confined to the "friend-zone."
That means he doesn't have to explain anything, account for his whereabouts, and he can travel any distance he wants to hookup. In order to keep you interested and keep a foot in the door; he has to whisper sweet "nothings" in your ear. He must stroke your ego. That keeps you on hold and willing; until he wants to drop by the next time. Who wants a boy-toy without smooth moves and sweet-talk.
You both can talk a lot of trash, pile on empty compliments, and make empty promises. Nobody cares, because there is no commitment. Unlike real friends, there is no loyalty or trust necessary. It's strictly about having a good time.
He knows you're getting attached; because he knows the right things to say. He's a player and very experienced at what he does. Leaving you confused is exactly the plan. He will limit in-person visits. Contact will be through messaging, to keep you bursting with anticipation.
The benefit is sex. "Friendship" is optional. Romantic attachment is unwise. It's breaking the rules.
If he doesn't return. You can miss him, but you shouldn't be upset about it. You can always find another. He will come when he feels like it, out of the blue. Like a good FWB is supposed to. If you want to play the game, learn the rules.
I think you really deserve better, and you really want something meaningful. You're not as indifferent as you're trying to pretend. You are taking a big risk with your health and safety. Now you're feeling unsure;because you're starting to care. Bad idea from the very beginning!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): No FWB's aren't in relationships with other people. Plus FWB's don't sell each other a line of bullshit like he sells you.
The best part of fuck buddies is the lack of complication, being completely honest about it just being sex etc.
So you're not FWB's, you're having an affair.
FWB's also don't lie to each other about being in relationships and generally they're not stupid enough to just accept that he lied on the basis it's his life. It's your life too, you're okay with people deceiving you like that and lying to you? Fair enough.
if this is just a bit of fun then why all the questions, why the long glorious examination of all the bullshit shit he's been saying to you to get your knickers off?
Again you don't need to fluff each other up when it's FWB's, you don't need to use lines to keep them sweet. He thinks he does still because he;s cheating and you're a mistress.
OP do what you want, it's your life and I have no right to criticise your choices but you are fool if you believe this guys bullshit. He's already gotten in quick with the excuse as to why he will never leave his partner for you, yeah the daughter's world line, which is another piece of bullshit because he wouldn';t risk her world by cheating on her mother if he actually cared. Also if the sex is so boring and shit with his girlfriend, why is he still sleeping with her? Another line of shit.
Don't be fooled if you're going to continue with this OP. He has been lying to you from the start, once he got away with the first lie he just kept on lying. Do what you like but do not get emotionally invested, all the pretty things he says are to keep your legs open. In FWB's you actually don't need to do that, but to keep a mistress from feeling neglected you do.
Take care of your heart here OP because he doesn't give a shit. You're not his friend, you're side pussy. He'll drop you once he's done with you.
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A
female
reader, Greeneyesxox +, writes (13 February 2014):
Greeneyesxox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are just fwb so I know where I stand so how can he manipulate me if I'm up for the fun and nothing more ?
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female
reader, Greeneyesxox +, writes (13 February 2014):
Greeneyesxox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you , maybe I am just to dumb to see this :/
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 THere is no NORMAL to FWB it's a relatively new concept that is a loose tagname given to having sex without having a commited relationship so there are no rules or guidelines. Allit is is a guy-driven description of some vauge relationship where he gets whatever he wants whenever he wants and answers to nobody. So if you want to get mixed into that situation by all means jump right in but don't look for "normal" there aint none.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 February 2014):
Wake up. This guy is cheating on his girlfriend with you. You're not the first, you won't be the last. He's not remotely attached to you. It's just that he's a man who knows how to manipulate you, and you're falling for it. That's why he lied to you initially, that's why he goes on about his daughter, that's why you're going to be staying at his brothers.
The problem for you, is that you are becoming attached. You might not totally realise that yet, but you're falling for this man, you're starting to see things that aren't there, and very soon you'll wind up hurt. When you realise how this man is treating you, and what you are to him, you'll regret that you bothered.
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