A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is kind of hard to explain. For the last month or so my boyfriend has been distant and doing his own thing. He's been hanging out more with friends and just spending more time by himself or doing other things. That's great and all except for the fact that he's been spending a lot less time with me. Him and I use to talk all day everyday and now sometimes we go a whole day or 2 without talking much at all. He will later call or text me and apologize that he's been busy and not spending any time with me. He will tell me how much he misses me and says that he'll make it up to me or spend the whole next day with me...and never does. He'll do the same exact thing the next day.I have tried to talk to him. He says everything is fine and that he loves me and wants to be with me but I honestly feel like something just isn't right. It never used to be like this with us. We use to spend time together and talk all of the time and now it's like it doesn't matter to him if we do or don't. I don't know why he gets so distant. Could it be that the honeymoon phase is over? Do most guys do this? We have been together for 7 months.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 You girls and your darn "womens' intuition"!!!! Your alarm is probably going off now... and rightly so... because your "intuition" is telling you that his "busy" is with his NEW lady-interest.
I predict that your intuition is correct...
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Yes, the honeymoon phase is over. The intensity of a relationship will naturally plateau at some point. Being a boyfriend, he doesn't have the moral "obligation" of around the clock accountability like a husband. He gets to come and go as he pleases; but he still has to let you know when, where, and why.
Making assurances without backing it up is suspicious. Making excuses is an indication he isn't being honest.
He may be trying to figure out a way to breakup without hurting your feelings. That's impossible. It leaves you room to grief and worry; until it overwhelms you to the point that you may decide to breakup first. By that time, he'll already be ready for it. He's getting a head-start.
If he avoids talking about it, it's because he's avoiding your emotionalizing. He doesn't want to deal with it.
This is the hard part. He may be thinking about breaking up and doesn't know how to do it. He may feel smothered by the relationship; and isn't as into as he used to be.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worse. If it becomes too much weighing down on you. End it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): A whole day or 2? Oh my god how do you cope? Your life must be so empty and shallow right now. I say it that way because it's not that big of a deal.
On its own, OP, I don't see it as much of an issue as you seem to think it is.
You'd need more for it to be something to be worried about. It could be the honeymoon over, it could be that you're a bit too clingy, it could be that he's taken up a new hobby, or is busier at work or with school, or that he's been more active in other things or that he's just gotten comfortable being with you and doesn't feel the need to be in constant contact, maybe he's discovered World of warcraft or has a new clan in Call of Duty, maybe he smokes pot now, or has discovered how "amazing" crystal meth is.
You need to think what's changed in his circumstances, focus on discovering what's changed before you try to figure out why it has. Try not to assume to the worst though until you have evidence that this is a negative thing.
Until you know what's changed you can't figure out how to deal with it. I'm not a fan of him being so flaky though, OP, apologising for not contacting you all the time gets very annoying and old, just see if this is the way your relationship is developing. Not everyone has enough things to talk about to justify calling every day etc. Maybe it's just that he's a little more independent now. It doesn't have to be bad.
Find out, figure out why then talk to him some more if you don't like the reasons. On its what you've described is annoying but doesn't have to bad if you know what I mean.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 February 2014):
Go with your gun instinct. Something has changed. I'm not sure what, and we'll probably never really know. But clearly he's not as interested as he once was. To be making this many excuses just isn't good enough. You need to have a serious talk with him,and unless anything changes, then you need to end it.
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