A
female
age
30-35,
*aPointe
writes:Hello,My boyfriend and I have been dating for eleven mos. It's been a pretty rocky relationship, and a lot of it stems from the fact that I suffer from both major depressive disorder and PMDD and I am not settled on any medications yet (I've tried about five but haven't gotten that perfect fit.) So, I deal with a lot of self-esteem issues, tiredness, lack of libido, mood swings, just very not fun issues.My boyfriend has been wonderful, to be honest. He was there for me when I was quitting cutting. He was there for me when I was going through withdrawal from a certain medication which had very, very bad side effects. The problem[s] is/are, sometimes I just don't feel happy in the relationship and I don't know how to differentiate that from just being generally unhappy. I don't want to lose a relationship that could be good if I were healthier, but I also don't want to be trapped in a relationship because I blamed it on my depression. A lot of it I think also has to do with that he never seems very committed. He will say, I want to work it out, but he also is very aversive to talking about the future. He says there is no point in talking about the future, because we don't know what's going to happen. We don't know if we'll be together. And to me, that takes all the hope out of it. It's like he doesn't care either way, it won't make so much of a difference in his life.I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with somebody who reminds me that if we broke up, he'd get over it. I want to feel like he would really fight for us. I want to feel like if I were in a bad depression, I could count on him to remind me why I was there in the first place - not to just step back and say "Well, breaking up wouldn't be the end of the world."But when I tell him this, he tells me it's my own self-esteem issues and he shouldn't have to support me. So, I'm confused. Doesn't everybody need support, and hope? Or is this really my issue? Like, I don't know how to figure out what really is my problem and what is our problem.Thank you for any help.
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female
reader, LaPointe +, writes (2 January 2010):
LaPointe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, guys, I'll try to remember what you've said and take all of that into account :) You're both really sweet!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 January 2010):
First of all, every couple needs to talk about the future. We may not know what will happen, but we can plan. So there's no reason not to talk about the future. Living in the present doesn't always work. You need plans, and clear aims with your life.
Secondly, yes everyone needs support and hope, but this guy doesn't sound like he's totally committed to me. If he was, he would make effort to talk to you about the future. I'm sure he has been good, but it's not enough to just be there and think it will all turn out to be okay without effort and planning. And to say that he shouldn't have to support you is rather cruel. He shouldn't have to take all your problems on, but he should be there to help you work through them and to be honest, he's not. My girlfriend has suffered since she has a miscarriage before meeting me, and though it wasn't my baby, she is my girlfriend so it became my problem as well and I've tried to be there for her.
I think at this moment, you sound like you have a few problems that you need to focus on without the worry of a boyfriend in the background, and I think you would be better of without him so you can just focus on yourself.
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