A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is really a question about my sister.She is the sweetest kindest girl, aged 45, divorced with two teenage sons. She tends to fall in love very easily, and rushes into relationships, and those relationships rarely last, so she ends up heartbroken.3 months ago she met a man her own age, and of course fell madly in love with him. He's a very nice man, kind, considerate, loving, and gets on well with her sons. But... He was still living with his parents when she met him (had never moved out), he's never been married, has no children, and does not have a job. My darling sister moved him into her house about 10 days after they met. She supports him financially, and he potters about the house while she's at her full time job. They are still happily living together, but don't go out and just stay at home watching DVDs. I go round to see her at her home and she now rarely comes to my house.I know she's still madly in love with him, but she is finding this situation financially difficult. She says that he is currently looking for a job.From a sister's point of view I think that she moved him in way way too soon, he's a man who came to the relationship with nothing financially, he cannot support her financially (he can't even meet her half way). Despite the fact that he's a very nice man, I can't help but feel that he is using her, and is dragging her down into a life of being glued to the sofa in pyjamas.I want to broach this with my sister, but am not sure how to go about it. Also, I'd like some of you aunties to let me know how you view my sister's situation: Did she move him in too soon? Is he using her? Is she heading for another heartbreak?In advance, thank you all for your wise words.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2017):
 Yes it was much to soon for her to move him in. My guess is she craves male affection so she wanted a relationship straight away with him. Who knows will it work out or not, but if you mention this to your sister you will be the enemy. She is an adult and can make her own decisions so the best thing you can do is be their for her and encourage her out off the house, even if its just for lunch or a day shopping.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): Hi
I don't think you should say anything to your sister. She won't listen, she won't like what you're saying and it might cause a rift between you. Better to just make sure you're available for her, if she wants to talk or needs your help. If she can talk to you without you trying to tell her how to live, she will probably talk to you more and take you in to her confidence more as well. I think you can do her more good this way. It does sound an irresponsible thing to do, to move him in so quickly, so I'm sure it leaves you feeling that your sister is vulnerable to someone taking advantage of her. Keep her close by being her friend and listening, rather than telling her what she probably already knows in her heart of hearts. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (23 March 2017):
 I truly understand your concern for your sister. My baby sister went through a very similar situation just within the last year. She is just a few years older than your sister, had been divorced for years and had not dated. She met a nice man and within 2 months they were living together. My sister was lonely and truly wanted companionship, she was never too interested in sex.
The man seemed nice enough but there were red flags pretty much from the start and my sister just refused to see them. He didn't have a car, he was retired but his adult daughter handled all of his money and gave him an allowance. He never had money was happy to let my sister buy all the groceries, pay the rent and he would putter around the house all day. He started asking her for money. He moved in his grandson knowing that he had been in jail for drugs. Things kept getting worse...it turns out the man liked to gamble and that's why he never had any money. He lied to my sister and was constantly using her car, he had an accident in her car. After a year my sister FINALLY broke things off. The guy kept calling and calling after she forced him to move out. This went on for another 2 months. She is just now finally 100% free of him.
I love my sister dearly and she is like your sister, a very sweet caring soul that doesn't want to hurt anyone. She is very innocent and gullible and takes to anyone who shows her kindness.
Yes, your sister moved in the man WAY too quickly and yes he sounds like trouble. All you can do is try and talk to your sister and hope she will listen that you are talking to her because you love her, and don't want her to be used or hurt. I wish you luck sweetie...if your sister is anything like mine...she isn't going to want to hear what you say.It didn't matter what I said, my mom said, or even her children she still continued to see the man. I know she was lonely but the guy was bad news! He was blatantly taking advantage of my sister and she just didn't want to see it that way.
It took soooo much to push my sister over the top. I hope your sister will realize she moved too fast and correct things.
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