A
female
age
30-35,
*mc32390
writes:My boyfriend wants to break up for now. Here is the deal. We went to the same college for one semester and it was amazing. We did everything together. Then I transfered to a school about 2 hours away and the first semester was hard but it worked. Then I came home for the summer and he seemed a little stressed. Now I am back at school and he is having a really hard time with the distance. He says he wants to take a break so he can focus on school and his fraternity. He says he will always love me and that good stuff. He says he just needs time to think things over. Is this just a nice way of him breaking up with me?
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female
reader, dr.2.be +, writes (8 September 2009):
 I think he needs to focus on his school and fraternity, like he said. School is very stressful, especially as you move up in credits and classes as they get significantly harder, especially if he is a science major or med student. He may feel like he doesn't have enough time to put in what he needs to make you happy and wants to be fair with you. He is letting you go so you can find somebody who goes to your same school and whom you can see every day, as opposed to only once or twice a month. He really loves you and the saying goes, if you really love somebody sometimes you have to let them go.
I have been on both sides of a situation like this. Just a last year when I left for med school, I had to break up with a guy I had been dating for 8 months. We always got along great and he said he always respected my education and how important it was for me. Breaking up with him was very hard for me, but I knew I had to do it since I don't have any time at all for a relationship, even time to myself is seldom found. I just wanted to focus on school and the USMLE tests that I will have to be taking. He did not handle it very well and lashed out at me, sending me threats and grew to hate me, thinking I was a selfish arrogant person. Let me tell you this, people who have to make sacrifices for school are not what my ex told me. And I am glad that you seem to be handling it much, much better than he did. You are strong and will get through this. Remain his friend, talk to him on the phone (but don't get clingy) and things will be okay.
On the Flip side.....
In high school, my boyfriend went into the Navy and he broke up with me this way. Since he was going to be gone all the time and can could only go home on leave, he felt he didn't want to hold me back. It was really hard for me to deal with losing him and I was sad for many months afterwards. The good part is, we remained good friends and I have seen other people and made connections with them. It may take some time, but time will heal everything. To help cope, you can get involved with your school. Volunteer at a hospital or animal shelter or homeless shelter, serve your community and maybe work to become a Teaching Assistant for one of your classes. That is how I coped with it and it worked well as I developed a high self esteem and confidence. Turn something sad into good, and keep yourself busy!
Who knows, he could come back, I wouldn't put all my balls in the same basket on it but there is always a chance. Just don't put too much pressure on him. If it was meant to be, then it will happen. In the meantime go out and meet new people, be happy and stay positive.
The song goes...."Don't worry, be Happy!!"
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 September 2009):
 I am with Dearkelja.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 September 2009):
 It could very well be that school and socializing is hard for him. It could be doesn't want to feel guilty if he wants to pursue dating others. It's hard to say, the only one who can really answer that is him.
I guess the bottom line answer is the same, he wants a break for now. Time for you to move forward with your life and if he comes back and you're available, fine.
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