A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi :) i'm Trixie and im 16 (17 in a few days!!)Basically I have started this "relationship" with a really great guy who is 20. The thing is we have been acting like boyfriend and girlfriend for about... 5 weeks now, although were not going out.Now i'll freely admit I dont have much experience, and he does. All my high school relationships were pretty much if you liked the look of someone you asked them out, and went from there, but I know as you get older, people tend to date a little first to get to know the person. Well i've know this guy since we were both little kiddies :) but only properly got to know him well since May. So I think we are sort of seeing each other, but im really confused as to where I stand. I dont know if we are exclusive, I certainly havnt done anything with another guy, I dont think he has with a girl, tbh we see each other so much I dont know where he would get the time, but you never know.What we tend to do, is in the week we dont really see each other because of college/uni/work but sort of communicate via phone/internet, then at the weekend, on friday we usually go out together but as a group with friends, and saturdays we go out together, either back to his to watch a movie, or out for dinner or cinema or whatever.I should also point out I havnt slept with him or anything like that. Just some very passionate kisses :DSo do you think we are in some sort of relationship? And is this what all "adults" do when starting a new relationship, and how long does it usually take until people become boyfriend and girlfriend. Im hoping he will ask me out soon!Also, you dont think hes playing me do you? Hes never tried anything on with me at all though, so im thinking hes trying to take it slow?Feel free to ask any more questions and I will reply! Thank you!xxxxxxxxxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (20 October 2009):
 I would completely disagree with sappygirl - it sounds like he's being very considerate, and if you're confused about anything just talk to him about it! :) i'm sure he probably wants a few things clarified aswell :) as for sappygirls fairly condemning comments, no, not all 20 year olds are only after one thing - i started a relationship with a 20 year old when i was 16 and he never rushed me into anything, we are still in love and having a wonderful relationship so far despite dealing with distance due to uni etc, and i have never been happier. Him wanting to be with you at his age does not AT ALL indicate bad morals/quality... To be honest, somebody who is the same age as you is potentially more likely to be looking for sex, because of the social pressure on 17 year old males to do so.
I think it sounds like what you have is very sweet, and you seem to be thinking about it all very intelligently - keep that attitude and he won't be able to take advantage of you, even if he wanted to (which i doubt)! Good luck, feel free to message me if you want to ask anything else :) xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the replies :)
CaringGuy- Yes I think I will definatly talk to him, its just hard choosing the right moment! Thanks :)
q1605- Nope no circus midgets (that I know of) so thanks :)
Sappygirl- I appreciate your views, but this guy does have a few girls after him, and basically could get sex whenever he wants, but he chooses not too and instead spends time with me. And like I said he hasnt tried to get me to do anything. Im not saying he wont have thought about sex, hes a guy!, but i'm hoping thats not his ONLY intention, if you get me?
Yes theres an age difference, but hes only just 20, plus ive known him for a long time, and I trust him. Also im not a minor, as the consent age is 16 in the UK. Im not looking for anything majorly serious, just someone to enjoy spending time with. I respect your opinion and take it on board, thanks very much for answering :)
xx
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A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 he definitely has one thing on his mind, and it's not to get you to be his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's thinking up ways to get you in his bed, and fantisizing having sex with you.
In America it is illegal to for a 20year old to have sex with a minor.
In fact, most 20 year old men would not pursue a 16/17 year old girl. Those are men of morals and quality.
Now I'm not saying he's a horrible guy based on what you wrote, but you did passionately kissed and one thing is bound to lead to another.
You asked "you dont think hes playing me do you? "
...well, that is your instincts talking, and a womens intuition is ALWAYS right. Don't ignore that.
Right now, you are extremely flattered that this older man is paying attention to you, and you feel love and desirable.
Well, those are all emotions talking.
If you switch gears and listen to your head...I know there are concerns and you should listen to that.
Personally I think you should go for someone younger and your age because he could easily manipulate you into getting what he wants.
If you like him, I say hang out as friends, get to know him and his intentions. If he really is a great guy, waiting til you are 18 to make you his girlfriend will be worth the wait.
If it was daughter, I wouldn't even let her be alone with a 20 year old guy. I wouldn't let her date or even kiss an older guy. Not until she is older and knows and understand herself. Please don't be in a hurry to grow up. You have the rest of your life to do that. Just have innocent fun and don't think about this. Concentrate on YOU.
take care and good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
It sounds like he's interested you and not just using you. Guys who want to use a woman just do it. So take it slow, and if you're worried about being exclusive, why don't you talk to him about where the relationship is going and whether you're exclusive or not. That's the best thing to do. Grown up relationships reply on communication more than almost anything else, so talk to him. Good luck.
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