A
female
age
26-29,
*isbaven
writes:I met this guy online he is 20 and I an 17 and yeah I know I should not be chatting to guys online. So after a few hours of chatting we swapping numbers and chat on whatsapp. I told him my age, he does not min, he says I am stunning and how can a girl like me not have a boyfriend. So I really like him he flirts with me and everything. But the thing is I am the one always making a conversation and am always the first to text him. I write paragraphs and he only writes one line. He asked ne if I want to meet him sometime and I said yeah. u had to decide where we have to go. I asked him starbucks or costa, he said neither. So I said cinema, he did not reply so I gave him three films to choose from two horror films and james bond. So he said hell no to horror films- I thought it was cuteAnyway I do think he is into me, he winks at me when we text. but he hardly ever talks. I do most of the talking, I am even arranging a date for when we meet and he was busy on a day I picked so I told him to tell me when he is free but I have a feeling he wont. I saw on whatsapp that he has been on and he could have texted me but he has not.I dont want to be to clingy. So I decided to stop texting him but the problem is am dying to text him. I thought that he might be shy or really busy, he goes to work and the gym. I have never met him but I feel so comfortable talking to him, I even told him I was a virgin that is how comfortable I am with him. And when I hesitate to tell him something he makes me tell him and he's actually alright. I really want to meet him and I really want to talk to him but I do most of the work. what should I do now am confused! Is he still into me or not.
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female
reader, misbaven +, writes (19 November 2012):
misbaven is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am learning my lesson I have started reading self help books on confidence and also about relationships. And iI have realised In life you dont just sit around waiting for things. same as when u like someone u get to know them. Am going to start talking to this guy I use to go to college with his 2 years older than me he is really shy and sits at the corner and you never hear a sound from him. I left the college now and went to another one I added him on facebook and am going to make am effort with him my feelings for him r still there. and if he rejects me it does not matter atleast I tries and am coming out of my shell
wish me luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): It turns out you still would have been alone if you DID meet him, because he was just looking for sex by the sound of it. Its not the end of the world, you're alone because you just haven't met a decent guy yet, not all are decent, but there are decent ones in the world, and they're the ones its worth waiting for. You'll have a good idea if a guy is worth your time because he will make as much effort with you, as you make with him, and he will be willing to compromise on things with you.
The guy you have been talking to was probably doing the same to half a dozen other girls as well as you, and probably didn't make 100% of an effort with any of them, just like he didn't with you. He's expecting a girl to just say "Yeah ok I'll meet you, we can have sex and then go our separate ways", you told him the truth about what you wanted, and he's shown you his true colours. Its better to have found out now, than after you met with him, lost your virginity and the he tells you to get lost he doesn't want a relationship.
Just take your time, you're still young you haven't even reach adult hood yet, there's no rush. And bear in mind, not everyone you chat to can/will be a potential boyfriend, the world doesn't work that way.
Just be thankful you found out his intentions sooner rather than later, and with no more damage done other than just disappointed expectations.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 There is nothing strange in never having had a bf at all of ...seventeen , so it does not mean that you are " meant " to be alone, and there's nothing to " accept ". There's just something to learn, i.e. choose carefully, based on actually knowing and spending time with a person, not just on texts or chats, and don't EVER ( and least of all at 17 ) be so anxious/desperate to do all the work in order to seal the deal.. and get a few crumbs of attention. This was a disappointing yet useful experience, now you know what to do in case you meet some other flaky guy that keeps you vaguely " around " without making any actual effort to get you know you- you discard them at once and don't waste time and thoughts on them.
Relax. You have plenty of time, and you can pick and choose if you don't let impulsivity and anxiety get the best of you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Yea he was hoping you would drop your knickers and spread your legs for him.
Honey, delete his number, block him or whatever you can do to avoid any further contact with him.
And learn from this. Don't look for love in all the wrong places, but seriously, stop beating yourself up. Just cut the contact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): He doesn't sound as interested in you as you are in him, or in the same way as you are in him. You said he makes no effort to speak with you, and that's not normal behaviour for a person who is interested in someone. To me, its like he only replies to you so he's not being ignorant. I would not suggest being overly keen to meet him with this fantasy that you're both going to fall in love and live happily ever after because I can tell you now, that's NOT going to be the case. In fact, I doubt a relationship would ever develop from this, so I don't know what else you can expect from him other than maybe he's trying to sweet talk you into meeting for sex. That also may explain why he refuses to meet you in a public place and would prefer you to go to his place when you meet up.
I would think twice about meeting with him, but if it ever came to the point where you did meet up, I would take a couple of your friends with you, do not go alone. Or tell him to come to you in a place you know and feel comfortable, or the deals off. Do not allow him to know where you live either. He may not even be who he says he is, he probably is, but there's a chance he may not be. The world of internet chat is a dangerous and unpredictable place so be careful.
Bottom line is, I advise you not to meet with him, but ultimately the choice is yours. I just hope you take on board the advice people have given you here and you are prepared for the unexpected.
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A
female
reader, misbaven +, writes (18 November 2012):
misbaven is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI sent him this message "Am going to be honest and say that am looking for something long term not no strings attached or just sex and that's it. You sound like a really nice guy so I just want to lay all the cards in the table. If ur still intrested then thats great if you're not then what can I say" And he barely said anything so I guess he was after only sex - I'm ashamed. I thought that it would be good. I meet a guy online since I never had a bf I guess am meant to be alone I accept it now.
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