A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just had sex with my boyfriend and I know I love him a lot but I just wasn't ready. I told him no but he kept bugging me about it until I agreed. I wanted him to stop after we started but I didn't tell him that. Since I did tell him no to begin with and he did know I didn't really want to, is it still considered rape? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 You are not yet 14 and even if you are one day short of 14 , that is statutory rape according to the law in your country.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnks so much every one for helping me with this. You were all so helpful and right about everything. I should have broken up with him to begin with and he actually broke up with me the day after I posted the question. I'm in counciling right now although I'm not going to screw him over like he did with me. For 'eyeswideopen' I'm actually almost fourteen and my (ex) boyfriend was almost seventeen.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 No you were not raped. Rape is an act of violence. I think you just regretted giving in because emotionally you were not ready. By your silence, he assumed you were. Next time speak your mind. He will most likely stop if he knows you want to stop. I think you're too young for sex and it sounds like you think so too. It's never too late to tell your b/f that you regret having sex at this age, and you don't want to again. It's your body. Be faithful to it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): You poor poor thing what your boyfriend has done is outrageous!!!!! He has pressured you into a sexual situation you were not happy with and my advice to you would be to break up with him immediatley. If he truly cares about you he would not have pressured you into something you were not ready for. Please leave him, make it clear to him he will never be able to do anything like this to you again! You deserve someone who thinks you are so special they are prepared to wait forever for you if that's what it takes. Please tell a parent or trusted adult what has gone on so that you can have some support in walking away from this awful man. Best of Luck!!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 How old are you and how old is the "boyfriend"?
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 I disagree. I think the fact that you said no to begin with but he persuaded you/pestered you until you gave in means you did eventually agree. Of course I'm assuming he didn't force you to agree.
During the act itself, you didn't tell him to stop either.
Have to say I CERTAINLY DO NOT agree with what he did and he shouldn't have pressured you into doing something you weren't comfortable doing.
Yes, there is a thing called "statutory rape" where someone over the legal age to have sex has sex with someone below the legal age. I have no knowledge of the law in Canada. This, however, is no where near the same as rape.
Of course, if the boy is more a man then that's something else altogether.
Whatever the case, it sounds to me like you might need to talk to someone about this and how you feel. Is there a student counseller you can talk to at all? I'm getting the impression you might be angry/hurt/upset by this awful experience?
I would urge you to talk to someone in confidence about this.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (28 February 2008):
You can never prove this is rape in most countries that i know unless you go to a muslim nation! The fact is that in a court of law this isn't rape but in a court of commons it's definitely rape.However,beyond reasonable doubt he's actions must be condemned and the only indctment or offence that can be given to him is unlawful sex with a minor if you can show proof that you are below age (16 or 18) and not RAPE!
Take care.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Sweetheart, this is a boy who doesnt really care all that much about you. Once you said no, he should have stopped asking. All he cared about was the sex. If he cared about and RESPECTED you he would never have pressured you into concenting to sex that you really didnt want to have. But there is the key that shows it was not rape. You DID concent, however reluctantly. No matter the trepidition you felt inside, you did concent. Then, even though you wanted him to stop, you did not say so or withdraw your concent and ask him to stop, so how can he possibly be blamed for not stopping? This was not rape, but it was still wrong. You only get one first time. I am sorry you wasted it on this.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (28 February 2008):
 HEY!!
This isn't rape. You consented, and didn't during sex say no. However, at a push, he did try and pursuade you to which is wrong!!
ALL THE BEST!! Feel free to mail me at any time x x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): It was not rape because you need to have siad NO at the time it was happening. However DUMP him now. He dusnt give a shit about you and DONT allow this to happen with anyone else until YOU decide it is right for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): I agree with the other aunts, this was not rape as you did not tell him no, and you sort of just said nothing, unsure of what you wanted to do or what you needed to do in order to hang onto you.
Here is the other take away from this, he DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Love is not about feelings or what he tells you he feels, he showed you he did not love you by not listenting to your no concerning sex....his agenda was to get sex from you regardless of your true feelings about it...he just went on and took that from you when you silently were resisting and not excitedly going YES I feel the same as you do....he is a jerk....and you would do well to stay away from him, in fact I am pretty sure he will dump you cold here in the next few weeks if not sooner....he will have lost all respect for you. Is this fair? Is it the right thing to do? Do you deserve that? Of course not, he is not a loving person, he did not care about your feelings and he only cared about what he wanted to do....I am sorry that this happened to you.
I am also sorry that you had sex at such an early age as your body is not prepared for it either....google risk factors for cervical cancer and educate yourself on the problems of having sex at too young of an age for a female.
Make an appointment with your family doctor and ask about receiving a vacine for the HPV virus and ask about birth control protection as in the birth control pill as well as how to have safe sex. You can still abstain from sex which would be your best course of action, and decide not to have intercourse again until you know you are in a loving relationship and can realistically support a pregnancy and the child that comes along with that...you aren't ready to be a parent are you? Then make your decisons about sex accordingly....Take care and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Unfortunately, you gave consent all though you didn't want to have sex. If you had asked him to stop after you started and he hadn't listened that would be considered rape but you kept quiet. I would definitely revaluate your relationship with this guy. He definitely doesn't have your best interests at heart and doesn't care about your needs. and next time, whether it be with this guy or any other guy, don't be afraid to say no. Your emotional and physical safety are much more important than keeping a guy around.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 February 2008):
It is called statutory rape if you are below 14 years of age in Canada .Even if you consent , it is still called rape.
According to what I have read, they are trying to raise the age of consent to 16.
According to the current law in Canada,
The Criminal Code does not now criminalize consensual sexual activity with or between persons 14 or over, unless it takes place in a relationship of trust or dependency, in which case sexual activity with persons over 14 but under 18 can constitute an offence, notwithstanding their consent. Even consensual activity with those under 14 but over 12 may not be an offence if the accused is under 16 and less than two years older than the complainant.
From;-
http://www.parl.gc.ca/information/library/PRBpubs/prb993-e.htm
Your b/f was manipulative and it is your word against his.
Morally speaking , it was rape but it is difficult to prove legally in court because there were no signs of force entry or injury to you .
If it was rape, you need to proof that you resisted his advances.
Even if you did told him to stop halfway , you could not stop him because he was stronger than you.
In your eyes, it was rape. I will agree with you.
Rape is having sex against your will whether you expressed it verbally or you were manipulated into it.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Rape is having sexual intercourse WITHOUT giving your consent or to force someone against their will. You DID give your consent simply because you were frightened he'd dump you if you didn't... right? He didn't force you, you let him! Don't let this guy treat you this way. If he cared for you at all then he'd have listened to you the first time and waited.
It is ILLEGAL to have sex at your age and what you both did was wrong. Sex is for adults! Your body isn't even fully developed at your age so I advise you to stay well clear of it until you are older. If he asks you again, stand up for yourself and say NO!!! Don't let him talk you into something you don't want to do, ever! He'll respect you more for it in the long run.
~Eve~
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): You agreed. That's all there is to it. He manipulated you, by "bugging you about it until you agreed" but you 100% allowed it, even if you didn't really want it. I don't think it's rape, in my view, or in a legal view. It's sad that he pressured you into it but you need to assert yourself more clearly if anything like this were to happen again. And make it clear to him that you're upset about what happened. But i don't think it was rape unless he physically forced you to do it (Held you down, or something like that). Since you claim you love him then i think you should have a talk with him about how you feel about it, maybe he's not the right guy for you if he pressured you into it when you weren't ready. He took advantage of you, but that's as far as i'd go in whether or not it was rape.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): You know this is a very tricky situation. You need to be more assertive in the future. You should've told him to stop, but since in the beginning you kept saying no and he kept pressuring you, yes. I would say that this was a rape. My question to you is this, were you afraid of getting raped if you continued to say no, so you agreed?
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