A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:so I'm 14 i don't whant to have sex yet but I want to kiss and cuddle and some other things but I don't want to have sex is that being a tease Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2021): No, that is perfectly normal.
Remember, when you do decide to have sex, probably the safest thing to do is to use condoms and birth control pills. (Condoms protect against a lot of STIs, but pills have a much higher real-world chance of preventing pregnancy.)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2021): No that's not being a tease if you have told the person you are doing it with that it is your boundary and that you wont be having sex/doing other stuff with them yet. You can do whatever you feel comfortable with. Just make sure you are safe. I agree with others that staying somewhere public is probably a good idea as it will reduce the temptation to go further. Don't have sex until you are fully prepared and ready and have known the person for a long time and are committed.
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (3 September 2021):
 It's not being a tease, it's just the normal part of growing up and exploring, but I think you're right about not wanting to have sex at 14, for one boys your age are just disappointing,lets put it this way, and women coming from penetrative sex is not that common so it'll be mostly unconfortable and unfulfilling for you; at least the first time, not to mention that if you get pregnant at 14 it could be quite awful whether you have it or not, anyway, the other stuff you mention, wear a condom, don't go down on anyone unwrapped because STDs are real. Kissing can also get you herpes, so I would try to be a little discerning if I were you. I'm not trying to scare you, I just don't think 14 yr old boys are worth the hassle. I would just stick with my own fingers for a couple more years, but making out on the street is fine, like somebody said , do it in more public places where you can stop when you want, like parks, movie theathers... AND be loud and clear that sex if off the table for the time being.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2021):
 No, it's not being a tease, however, unless you are VERY good at setting boundaries and VERY good at shutting "stuff down" (if that happens) and GOOD at making sure the other person KNOWS your boundaries - it can all go really wrong.
I'd say if you are going to "cuddle" someone, DO it in a place where YOU can get up and LEAVE easily if the other person doesn't respect it.
Can you say no to someone and not "feel bad" if they whine or get mad at you? Can you handle the pressure they might put on you?
Can you handle your own lust? Because you might FEEL "horny" even at age 14.
Also, define: "but I want to kiss and cuddle and some other things " Other things? Such as? Define it to yourself. That is how you set your own limits.
You are 14, I get that you are curious but honey, you got your WHOLe life ahead of you to cuddle, kiss, and do "other" things. There is no rush.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2021): Oh, I forgot to mention; even other girls will shame and pressure you too!
They don't want to do things they're ashamed of afterwards; they want to know all the other girls have done the same thing. It makes them feel better about themselves. If you make a choice to do something, consider how it will make you feel after you've done it. Never let the pressure of other kids make you do things you don't want to do.
Either you're a leader or a follower. They will gang-up and make you do a whole lot of things you don't want to; but they don't care how much it could hurt you. It's how mean people can be. Know that now!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2021): No, it isn't, sweetheart! It's being sensible, safe, and responsible. Knowing you're too young to take-on the responsibility of an unexpected-pregnancy; or exposing yourself to sexually-transmitted diseases.
Boys will pressure you, some will call you names, and some will try to shame you before others for refusing. You have to stand your ground and set your boundaries.
If you really like a guy, don't be so weak that he can easily blackmail you into proving how you feel about him, by having sex before you're ready; or if you really don't want to. These same guys will run and tell their friends everything you did; if you do give them sex. Some boys will even slut-shame you, and be mean to you after you give them sex. Giving him sex doesn't mean he will become, or stay, your forever-boyfriend. He will tell you all sorts of ridiculous things; if he thinks you're a dummy in-love. He might even be seeing other girls at the same-time!
Some boys will tell you anything to get what they want; and they will take advantage of your feelings for them, if you let them. Best you know that now, than when it's too late!
Don't assume all boys who like you are nice-guys. Some are not!
If you slip and make a mistake; you shouldn't feel ashamed, or too guilty. We all make mistakes no matter how old we are. If you give-in before you're ready, or old enough; sometimes that makes you feel guilty or ashamed beyond your emotional-maturity. Don't suffer it alone, confide in someone you really trust. Hopefully, you have a good relationship with your parents. Unfortunately, many teenagers treat their parents like the enemy; and hide things from them, or don't want to listen to their advice or lectures.
Your parents are there for more than paying the bills and buying you what you want, my dear. Hopefully, they love, guide, and protect you too! It's always okay to come here to DC; but you should trust them enough to bring these kinds of questions to them first. They have every right to monitor and judge the kind of boys you date. Your feelings won't always let you make the best choices. They are your backup.
Yes, you can only want to kiss and cuddle, and some other things! Learn now who is in-charge of YOUR body; and how far you are willing to go with it. This is what smart-ladies know. They maintain their self-respect. They don't let boys call all the shots; and make them feel bad, if they're not quick to do what boys want them to do. They will even scare you by telling you they will find another girl who will do what they want. He can do that anyway! Even if you gave him what he wanted.
I'm glad you wrote DC, and I look forward to reading all the great responses from aunts and uncles and other readers. I hope you get a lot of answers. It's a good question, sweetheart!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 September 2021):
 It's not being a tease if you make it plain from the outset that you are not ready to have sex. Learn to say, loudly and clearly, that you are not ready to have sex.
A few words of advice:
- Stick to boys around your own age. Older boys are more likely to want sex/already have had sex and expect it as part of a relationship. Definitely no dating adult men.
- It is easy for kisses and cuddles to escalate and get out of hand, especially when you are young and too inexperienced to know how/when to say "no" and mean it. Stay in public places so you are not only safe, but also much less likely to get carried away.
- Remember, it is YOUR body and NOBODY has the right to do anything to you with which you are not comfortable. If someone pushes you to do things you don't want to do, say "no" and walk away. If you give in so as not to cause a scene, or because you are too embarrassed to refuse, I promise you WILL regret it.
- Be careful not to get yourself a reputation for being "easy". You will have to live with that for a long time.
- Don't be in too much of a rush to experiment. You have the rest of your life to kiss, cuddle and more. Don't feel you have to do this because your friends do or because you are afraid of missing out.
Lastly, please be careful. Stay safe.
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