A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is kind long lol. Me and my fiance have been together for 2 years, he has a 20 year old daughter. When I met her the first time we got along then me and my fiance had some issues which he ran to her about no she seems a little cold to me. Everytime they talk on the phone it's babe this babe that, I love you babe, how's my baby doing etc. He USE to speak to me this way.He'll let her know about his day and what's going on in his life before me, I usually find out by over hearing their converstation then when I ask "why didn't you tell me?" He gets attitude. Whatever she wants she gets when its comes to money. He drops everything he's doing to send his adult child money. He basically treats her like she's the one he's marrying and he doesn't treat me the same anymore. I've brought this to his attention and he just doesn't get it. I tell him I know she doesn't like me and says its not true just so there won't be any conflict. He now even hides and deletes text messages between the two of them.The money situation I think he gives her whatever she wants to make up for all the years he was out of her life and she knows it and manipulaes the fact. I don't believe there's incest,BUT is this type of behavior normal? I feel like I'm his friend and she is his fiance! It's to the point where I almost want to leave. I've never dealt with a man with older children. I'm 28 he's 38. Thanks for any feedback!
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (27 March 2011):
Its his daughter and I have two of them...babe isn't baby. Its a difference in the two, but i think its a pet name he uses. A daughter that knows how to melt her father...well thats all of them. You need to walk away before you accuse this man of sleeping with his daughter or something childish. i see nothing wrong in a man showing affection for his own child no matter what her age. Heck i am teaching my daughter to drive and i still shack my head coz i still see her as a baby.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Yes, it's normal. Perhaps she is still daddy's little princess and that may trigger your insecurities- but ,if you ask me, I'd like and admire more a guy who has been capable to build such a strong,warm, loving bond with his daughter rather than one who has been a cold, absent father.It may be that he has spoiled her a little moneywise- but if he can afford it, where's the problem ? My father was a financially stable,generous man and he used to give me generous gifts till the day he died - and I was 40, married and working. I technically did not need his help, but I accepted it knowing he felt in giving even more pleasure than I felt in receiving.Maybe you think that he could /should spend on you the money he is spending on his daughter, and if you do, I don't blame you, I think it's very natural that such a thought should cross your mind. Then again... well, that's what generally happens when you get involved with people who already have children. Lo and behold, somehow the children always come first and you have to make your peace with that... or seek another partner.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 March 2011):
 There's no incest. However, when he turned to her when the two of you were having problems, they created a bit of a bond. I'm also not sure of the nature of these "problems", but if they involved cheating on your part, he may trust her more than you.Anyways, are things between the two of you resolved? Are you still fighting? If that's the case, then he's still venting to her about you, which is why he deletes texts. That would also explain her coldness.Either way, you won't get between them. His behavior does spoil her a bit, but there's nothing sexual going on except your jealousy.
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