A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my husband for 12 years and am seriously considering leaving him.He loves me but everything I ever do seems to irritate him. We don't make love - we have sex once a month and it's hideous. We don't have a lot to talk about and so end up drinking all the time. We have no children (because we have sex so infrequently).He works long hours (so do I!!!) and is always blaming problems on the stress of his job. He rarely does any housework.Has anyone else been in a similar relationship where it's got better?? Or been in a relationship with a lovely guy who drives them mad and they don't fancy however they subsequently regret leaving?Thank you for your help in advance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): Hello! Looks like we might have some things in common. Thanks, Google!
I'm a 42 year old man, married 10 years+ (16+ together, no kids) to the most amazing, beautiful, well-paid professional and intelligent woman of 40 years. She's the best (no offense to the rest of you). Unfortunately, we are in a dangerously tough spot thanks, mostly, to me and my behavior/attitude for the past 3 or so years. For the past two years, sex (good!) once a month was about it.
I didn't cheat -- and I don't want to think she cheated, either. But she's pissed about a lot of other stuff, and I get it (now I get it). I'm really worried that she's "too far gone" and just wants to end it. Wish us luck (I might even print this and show it to her).
Three or so years ago, I hit a health (heart problem + surgery gone awry) followed by a professional "crash" (real estate). I lost my way for a long while.
At the time (2004), both my wife & I were ascending ... but for me it stalled. Then I got depressed. Out of the hospital, I popped some pills, then smoked (420) a lot, and drank every day. I stayed home, didn't work much (sales). As I watched her rise, I became suspicious of her hours, jealous of her friends, tried to "control" her emotions. I got lazy, quit exercising, and gained weight (went from a 34" waist to a 42). I slowly became agoraphobic; I was afraid to leave the house. Then my manhood & my mind failed to work together & I repeatedly didn't get hard enough to satisfy my wife.
It's been more than a year since I've changed career fields, and I have done very well. My waist size is down to a 36" and I prefer not to drink. Downside is I'm out of town for weeks or months at a time, almost all the time and work 70+ hour weeks (usually more. She does at least 60 hours/week, too).
I never had direct deposit (I was a commissioned sales guy), but I do now. And I make less than she does. It's still good pay, but it's less than hers. I'm trying to forget the male thing about "me man. me make money. me provide and protect. me live in stone age." The first 6 years we were married, I made more than she did.
We're still married today, but we're in trouble. I stopped the drinking & finally woke up & have been trying to make up for it... but it may be too late. She's not interested in intimacy with me now. We're finally talking... but she says "I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I can't be responsible for you, I can't care anymore..."
When I'm home, I do daily house work. No, not all of it, but certainly the Lion's Share. Both of us are notorious packrats & scatter'bouts. I do the basics? I keep the kitchen & dishes clean, I'm the cook, I'm the trash man, the coffee maker, the juice Genie, and I do the house laundry like sheets & towels (she does her own clothes or sends them out).
I've asked her to joint marriage counseling. She's just not sure that she can do it, not sure that she wants to invest even MORE in this relationship. Is starting counseling on my own advisable?
Tonight she's with her beehive of girlfriends and I want her to be happy. She's had a tough week, as usual. Before she left, I told her that she can call me, her Husband, to put on a ball cap, a smile, and come and get her and not bitch about it.
I'm tryin'. I'll use any tips from any of you that I can to make her want to continue to be my Beloved Wife.
A
male
reader, urbanking99 +, writes (1 January 2009):
Meet your husband again and restart the romance.
I've never been married but I know through a friends break up that it is when people fail to communicate properly that things start to go wrong. Either partner will edn up doing more than the other.
Make time for each other, have fun and make LOVE for ever.
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A
female
reader, prenezmoila  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 It sounds like walls are indeed being built, and these often stem from stress in one's own life, which will always drip into that of a relationship. Look into stress relieving activities. Sex relieves stress, but until you're attracted to him physically enough to do this again (if that is the problem) you could make hitting the gym together a routine. This will relieve tensions and give you something to do together, along with building a healthy body...and we all know a healthy body leads to some attraction. ;] good luck!
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