A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've just started dating a lovely guy but I'm really not used to dating so would like some advice! He's a few years older than me, got a really good job which I know comes with long hours and a very big workload so I know he's obviously busy a lot.We went out for the first time last Wednesday, he took me out to dinner, was a perfect gentleman the whole way through, we got on really well, made each other laugh, he asked a lot of questions etc. Then we went for a walk round the area and went back to his apartment after - we stayed up talking for hours and I ended up staying in his spare bedroom as it was about 2am. He was a gentleman about it, didn't try to make a move or anything, we kissed for a bit but nothing more. The next morning he had to work but walked me to the tube station even though he was late and had to go in the opposite direction, and a couple of hours later he text me to tell me how much he enjoyed our date and asked me out again, to which I obviously said yes. Second date was lovely as well, stayed round again (and again nothing major happened) because we can just stay up for ages talking about anything, which I love because I don't connect with many people so it's really nice to be able to feel so comfortable with someone who I have a lot in common with in terms of ambitions/ goals etc.My only problem is the gaps in communication. The last guy I was with was really intense with communicating with me, it was a long term relationship and we spoke pretty much most of the day every day. I don't particularly want that again, but I find it quite annoying having to wait HOURS between texts, mostly there's only 1/2/3 a day each way. I understand that he's busy, and when he does text he writes really long messages, and then I'll reply a while later and he'll either reply a few hours later or the next morning (albeit with a really nice message, asking questions/ suggesting a next date, telling me about his day or day before). The conversation carries on, but it's just so infrequent.Is this normal at this stage? Like I said I know he is genuinely busy a lot of the time, but I don't know if he either just gets in and doesn't think of texting before bed or is doing it deliberately or something (but he really doesn't seem like a 'game playing' kind of person). I'm just not used to dating, so what's the etiquette with this sort of thing? We're going out again next week, but should I be bothered about the gaps in communication or do I just need to stop over-thinking it? Thank you!
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male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (9 March 2013):
Hi - I think your over thinking big time... and of course this is 100% normal is the first exciting part of the relationship. texts in my opinion are such a problem because everyone expects an instant answer and for variety of reasons people cant or wont reply instantly..... I had relationship with woman once which was secret and the only way to talk was via phone. after a while I think we both got sick of constantly looking for answers to questions and comments on the phone.This guy sounds busy and one way to manage his time is to confine dealing with personal things to set times to the day. If you dont mind this and are enjoying the relationship then just chill out and go with it. If you like to have banter and go back and forward during the day then maybe this guy is not for you.hope it works out for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): I think that it is completely normal at this stage! You both are still feeling things out and keep in mind that you have only been on a couple of dates. He may or may not be dating other girls as well, so keep your options open. If you are looking for a committed relationship it's probably best to not put your hopes into one single person. Give it time. Don't rush it or push anything, some men feel pressured early on and pull away. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.
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