A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Two nights ago, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was my first time ever having sex, but it wasn't his. Prior to the other night, we talked about having sex before and we basically decided that it will happen when it happens. Fast forward to the other night, we were in my bed fooling around and he suggested that we have sex. The second I agreed, he became extremely nervous and lost his erection almost immediately. He got really embarrassed and it took a while before he was able to get it up again. Then when we started having sex, after a little while, he lost it again. I didn't know what to do at that point and I could tell how frustrated he was but we both knew that it would keep happening, so I just tried to make him feel better and then got him off through oral.I know he's still really embarrassed and stuff, but I really want to try again. Does anyone have any tips on what I can do to help avoid what happened last time? Thank you!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Tips to avoid him losing his erection? Nope, that'll happen from time to time, it's normal, natural and nothing to get freaked out about.
Just enjoy being close, don't feel you have to meet some imaginary ideal of what sex should be. Internet porn sets up false expectations, don't use it as a guide.
Sex isn't a performance between two people who will be judged and graded by someone (unless you are a porn star). It's a getting close to someone else through sharing body sensations.
Instead of thinking of his orgasm as the goal of the intimacy, just be close. If it's through genital contact, great, if it's not, fine.
Relax.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Listen, you got to stop thinking it's all about HIM. You'll never have a decent sex life if you don't start focusing on yourself.
As for him being more relaxed the next time? Don't sweat it, he'll get relaxed by himself as long as you just keep doing what you're doing. He'll get there. But he's done this before and you haven't! So it is HIM that should be taking care of YOU. Stop thinking it's all about giving him pleasure, having sex is for YOU to have pleasure too.
You're teaching him a lot of bad habits in bed if you continue with this submissive state of mind. So like I said.. he'll get over his nervousness by himself, don't you worry. Just suggest you do something else instead, but if he doesn't even try to make it comfortable for YOU, then you need to take that as a red flag and a sign that he's a selfish lover. Don't be another of these women who have sex just to please their man...
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (9 March 2013):
 This happens and it is to be expected. There are a lot of nerves involved in making the first time extra special. This can often affect a man's performance.
I am sure that there is a lot going on here, so here are my tips:
1) Be sure that you are using protection. Yes, you can get pregnant. If you are worrying about birth control it will prevent both of you from fully enjoying the experience.
2) Make sure you have time and that you aren't rushing or hiding something. If you are trying to be quiet while your roommate is in the other room (or your parents) it will distract you from the task at hand.
3) Be sure you are emotionally ready for this step in a relationship. It is a big event and one that will change the dynamics of how you interact with one another.
4) Finally, relax! It may take some practice but eventually you will get the hang of it.
Eddie
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