A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I used to be very naive when it comes to guys... I used to think that all of my guy friends genuinely want to be my friend (just friends/platonic one) when they told me,"hey,we are friends"...but once,when a guy friend of mine got drunk(a little bit drunk/tipsy) and we were alone at the time,he started acting touchy-feely towards me! He gently and slowly touched my hair,my arms,hugged me from behind.... etc......... then i knew what was happening since he has never done these things to me when he was sober.So.. in my opinion, if girls want to know whether their guy friends are sexually attracted to you... just get him drunk and be alone with him... then wait and see how he reacts.Do you agree with me? I could be wrong. Please feel free to tell me what you think :-DNow, my question is.... do all guys really want to have sex with their female friends even if they don't want to date their female friends?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 "but this guy friends acted on his sexual thoughts " . Precisely. Exactly my point. That he is not "a friend ", did not ACT as friend would, and did not think the point of being around you was ever just about friendship. "He told you more than once that we were friends " - what people tell and what people think are quite often different things. Mind what they do, not what they say.
Not that he did anything terrible , or commit any crime of course :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo CindyCares:Thank you very much for your reply :-DYes, you're right. The skype conversation is just stupid. Originally, we were playing 'yo mama jokes' but the guy suddenly changed the subject and he started making sexual jokes. Well...I'm not sure whether he really had sexual thoughts about me. He probably was just joking and didn't mean anything because both of us are bubbly people. We joke around a lot...but it was really his first time to make sexual jokes towards me. So I found it a bit awkward...Well...I don't know. He's just 19. I'm not sure whether he meant it while making sexual jokes."but really, do you always let your male friends talk u like that ?" ---I didn't say that I always allowed my male friends to talk to me like that. Actually none of my male friends have made sexual jokes towards me except this guy....'Do you think that " If I were a dick I'd stick it to your face " is within the boundaries of a platonic friendship ?...Is the concept itself of sexual jokes congruent with just friendship ?'----He told me more than once that we were friends. That's why I think he just treats me as "one of the guys". He's comfortable with me, so he said whatever he wanted. I tried not to take his sexual jokes too seriously or read too much into it because he's just a boy and all boys are always horny...anyway,I'm not sure.....I'm very inexperienced and naive when it comes to guys, sex, and dating."I'd say that this guy had already signaled that he had sexual thoughts about you, so what happened , with the help of a few beers to lower the inhibitions, is hardly surprising !"----Actually he was sober when he was making sexual jokes towards me. This happened one week after he was tipsy. Yes, you're right. With the help of some vodka to lower his inhibitions, he started stroking my hair, stroked my arms and hugged me again and again with no reason. He even kept bitching about the face of my crush (my crush wasn't there)."I think it's inevitable a young male has occasional, fleeting sexual thoughts about ANY reasonably attractive woman he finds himself around.But - it's just thoughts, they come and go, it does not necessarily mean the guy starts scheming and conniving to turn them into reality."---but this guy friend acted on his sexual thoughts.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 February 2011):
After reading the Skype conversation, I am a bit surprised, I mean, there's naive and then there is clueless, sorry I don't mean it in a mean way, but really, do you always let your male friends talk u like that ?...Do you think that " If I were a dick I'd stick it to your face " is within the boundaries of a platonic friendship ?...Is the concept itself of sexual jokes congruent with just friendship ?..
I'd say that this guy had already signaled that he had sexual thoughts about you, so what happened , with the help of a few beers to lower the inhibitions, is hardly surprising !
As for your question, I think it's inevitable a young male has occasional, fleeting sexual thoughts about ANY reasonably attractive woman he finds himself around ( if he finds her totally unattractive, then no of course ). Friends, coworkers, neighbours,the supermarket cashier. But - it's just thoughts , they come and go, it does not necessarily mean the guy starts scheming and conniving to turn them into reality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Strongfp:Thank you very much for your reply :-D"But when I first started to hangout with her, I thought she was just sexy and I wanted to kiss her so badly" -----then did you act on your feelings? Anyway, this shows that you have been attracted to her (at least on the sexual level) at some point in your life because you found her sexy. So my question, "do all guys really want to have sex with their female friends/have sexual thoughts even if they don't want to date their female friends?" is valid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo CaringGuy: Thank you very much for your reply :-DActually I have posted the same question on other websites.And a lot of guys said "yes"- They do want to have sex with their female friends (unless they are ugly or physically unattractive) but it isn't in lieu of a friendship but rather something in addition to being friends (Friends with benefits). They don't necessarily fancy or want to date their female friends in order to have sex with them. Research shows that over half of men desire sexual involvement with their women Friends—whereas very few women feel likewise.This reminds me of the movie "When Harry met Sally". Well...I'm not sure. Or it just depends on different guys and different age? Do you have any idea of this?Another question: A lot of people here,especially guys,say - "Guys do not usually choose females to be "just" friends. They most often do their hanging out with males. A guy might never intend to sleep with the female friend but he'll at least entertain the thought and would do it if he got the chance." Some people say that men and women can be friends but someone might be wishing for something more (eg.sex) at least at one time during the friendship! Is this true?As regards beer goggles,here is the website about beer goggles effect--- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/4468884.stmAlthough some guys say that men are attracted to ANYONE when they are drunk,I don't think so. I think it really depends on the amount of alcohol consumed,the level of light,the drinker's own eyesight and the room's smokiness(according to the website). In other words,if a guy is only tipsy and he still remembers what he has done afterwards or he knows what he's doing when he's tipsy,I will think there is no beer goggle effect.Actually I believe that what people do when they are drunk is how they would act every day if they are not bound by social convention and obligations and cowardice.Alcohol will not take away the desire that is already there.Okay,back to my situation. My guy friend didn't profess his love to me while he was tipsy. He didn't kiss me or had sex with me. He wasn't that drunk and he knew what he was doing. He said he wasn't drunk the next day. He was just excited and kept laughing and talking to me.Also...he was touchy-feely at the time...Yes, both of us were alone at that time, but we weren't in a club/bar. We were in the kitchen and it wasn't dark at all. He could clearly see my face as the kitchen was very light.I was shocked by his behavior because I always thought that he was just my friend. He also told me that we were friends. We always hanged out in a group setting. He had never hugged me or touched me until that night he was tipsy in the kitchen.After that,every time he sees me or hangs out with me,he touches me. He touched,messed up and stroked my hair. He hugged me.He told me he loved my hair.Once he even ate my hair! He told me, "the smell of your hair is even better than your cooking" This freaked me out!Once I went to supermarket with him and he wanted to buy alcohol but later on he changed his mind. He told me, "no,I'm not going to buy any alcohol.Otherwise,I'll lose you" and "I'm sure that you'll remember me if I get drunk"Once I was talking to him on Skype, he even made sexual jokes with me. Luckily I still saved our skype conversation:The guy: Hey xxx(my name), you've got a sexy face. Tim (a guy I used to like/infatuate a lot) wants to have sex with your face.Me: Shut the f**k up!!! say it again!!!!The guy: ok, Tim wants to have sex with your face.Me: .\_/.The guy: Is that your face?Me: Yes! I'm angry!The guy: Cos it looks like a vagina. No wonder Tim wants to have sex with your face.Me: f**k off!The guy: Tim wants to f**k youMe: Don't act like a dick!!The guy: If I were a dick I'd stick it your face(Tim definitely has never ever said something like this to the guy or to me)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 February 2011):
Being drunk with a man to see how he feels is often one of the worst things that can happen. Because he won't fancy you, or feel anything about you - he'll have beer goggles on and see what he wants to see. He could profess his love to you twenty times, yet when sober realize he's made a huge mistake. Drink doesn't clarify emotions or feelings. It makes a huge mess and leads to big mistakes. So do not ever take a drunk man's words or actions seriously.
With my female friends, I do not want to date or have sex with any of them. That's also untrue. That's the reason they're my friends in the first place - they're friends that I can trust and nothing more. My girlfriend is totally separate to them. However, there are some guys who do fancy their female friends.
If you like a man, you have to take a chance and tell him how you feel when you are both sober. You'll never get a straight answer otherwise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): No, of course not. But sometimes things happen after a few drinks. It's not an excuse, but it lets down inhibitions. Men can't be trusted;) so don't do anything that would ruin a friendship. If a guy wants to date you, and you feel comfortable, love, etc., fine; but friends who hook up end up changing relationships for the worse. Woman is going to feel like a slut, and the guy is going to feel good (only about himself) because he tricked you into getting laid (.... assumption is that he doesn't want to date you.... if so, he should ask you out on a DATE, maybe even when he's drunk; not disrespect you. Drinks don;t change that....) Good luck.
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