A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I'm gonna try to make this brief. Ive been with a man since I was 16, married at 19 now 31. We have kids together. I have always been a stay at home mom for the past 10 years. Ive had some part time jobs on and off but nothing serious. Over the years we have had ALOT of problems. There have been many things that he has done and Ive always forgiven him and moved on. About 4 years ago he left me and the children saying he wasnt happy. I found out after that he was seeing someone from his work. I do appreciate the fact he left me instead of having an affair. Well needless to say I took him back after 6 months. He loved me and wanted his family back. So here I am now. I feel it was a mistake. I feel I cant forget all the bad in the past. I feel manipulated and run down. About 10 years ago I suffered Anxiety attacks. They became very bad. I had to go on medication and my daily living was a nightmare. I feel I allowed him to have more control and made myself become a victim. I couldn't do anything alone out of fear. I have overcome my panic attacks and I am off medication for over a year now. I see now that he always finds faults with what I do. Im told I need to work. I get a part time job yet not good enough his is harder. I ask for help around the house even to fix things or mow the lawn and he says " I work 60 hours a week". He always has to be one step ahead. We do get along well as long as we don't discuss "us" that's when the nastiness begins. I can tell him anything but if I say how i feel it becomes a " that's right im wrong your always right" argument. I get called very nasty names. I told him I wasn't happy and I don't think I can do this anymore. He said " If you go you leave like I did no kids no nothing". I have nothing here. My family is far away and so are my good friends. Im scared that if I do choose to move on with my life I will be punished for it. When he left me I stayed here alone for the kids to be with their father. IT saddens me that someone who says he loves me can say he would even hire someone to care for the kids before I got them. Then the next day its like nothing happened. He wants to have sex he is all sweet and kind. Is this emotional abuse? Is there a reason why I always blame myself. I talk to my family friends I feel strong then when I talk to him I cant even get my point across and I feel like Im losing my mind. I feel empty ,Lost, alone, scared, run down , unable to make any decision for myself. I want to get me back! I just feel that you can only try so many times to fix something. There is so much more but this will do for now.
View related questions:
affair, emotionally abusive, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Oh my God honey, Yes it is.. It is emotional abuse. I been in the same position like you too. Untill now im still working on this emotional matters, and yes i do take some medication already for this anxiety and some pills to make me calm down, I surely understand how you are feeling right now. Honey I have a feeling you have to go on, on your life, You dont deserve this. you also have a right to live your life. I agree absuletly to fireangel, You have to look after your self too. because you can not be help to your children if you are not in the position that you can handle it ( speaking about health ) you have to be healthy inside and out, soul and physicaly..Wish you the courage to work on this.. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I know this is a decision only I can make but seeing how an outsider views it helps alot.
...............................
A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (17 June 2009):
 i suggest contacting a local women's shelter for counseling and support. they can help you get out of this abusive situation and start a new life.
...............................
A
female
reader, fireangel +, writes (16 June 2009):
Well from the way it sound you need to get out, or you need to figure out a way to stand up to him. I do relize that you feel the way you do and yes it is emotional abuse which in my opinion it is the worse abuse for a female, she does start blaming everything on herself. And what you need to do is just look at the situation and say to yourself this isnt my fault and i am going to do what i want to do and if he doesnt like it well then he can leave and 9 times out of 10 the male will get so mad they will either one just leave or they will start a hugh fight with you. but the best thing you can do is sit there and not say anything back no matter what they say or do. yes some of the things he says will hurt and will make you want to cry but let me tell you something if you just sit there and let him say whatever he has to say and not say anything back they will eventually shut up and not say anything. when a male gets mad and start yelling at you the one thing they want you to do is say something back or yell back and you shouldnt do that. when he relized that you arent saying anything back and not crying he will shut up and walk away. i promise it will work. try it. :) everything will turn out to be ok.
...............................
|
