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He's off having fun, and I'm stuck at home, pregnant with his baby!

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 June 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 October 2012)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

Me and my partner are expecting a baby that is due in 2 months, we’re both 21. Basically the problem is that he is still going out a lot (5-6 times a week) playing sports and going out, and I have no life!

Iv had to move into his parents house 100 miles away from where I was, I have no friends or family here an being heavily pregnant there isn’t much I can do. I’ve had to put off finishing my university course, haven’t been able to work, leave my flat (and my independence) I cant even eat and drink what I want!… All to be with him and make having this baby work. But his life hasn’t changed whatsoever! Not one single thing has changed for him, hes still at uni, can do what he likes and believe me he does.

Today we had an argument because he’s been to play tennis 3 times this week, is going to play pool on Thursday, going out Friday and wanted to go and play tennis today but couldn’t. I said, oh well you’ll have to stay in with me and he snapped back – ‘Oh I get it im not allowed to have a life’….. I was speechless… then extremely angry! I cant do anything and Iv given up EVERYTHING for him and he moans because he cant play tennis for one day when hes already played 3 times in 5 days!

He says to me that I can go out and do what I want… but what the hell can I do so pregnant with no friends and no transport?

I feel so depressed at the moment, I feel like a princess trapped in a tower ?. I wish he would appreciate what Ive had to give up abit more and do things with me abit more, rather than just leaving me to my own devices and being so thoughtless.

How can I make him understand without nagging him? Its really getting me down.

Thanks for reading

View related questions: depressed, trapped, university

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A female reader, Satine United States +, writes (6 October 2012):

Okay, this man is a selfish ^^^^e. He sounds almost like a copy of the ^^^^k that I married.

I loved him unconditionally, and then out of nowhere he abandoned me when I was pregnant with baby number 3. I'm not trying to be hurtful, I've just been there and no woman deserves to be in a relationship like that! This was posted a few years ago, I really hope that he's matured, changed and become a less selfish person. But if he's like the many men who stay selfish, please be on your guard. Make sure that you have some money or the skills to support yourself .

Selfish men who stay selfish tend to do things like abandon and cheat. Keep your eyes open.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009):

I can relate to you! Women give up everything for a baby, but men rarely give up ANYTHING. Try sitting down with him and talking to him about it. Ask him if this is how he is going to act when the baby is born. If he says no, tell him he needs to start making sacrifices now, because if he is not willing to make time for the two of you now, he definetly won't when the baby arrives. If he doesn't change, leave, don't wait, that's the biggest mistake you can make....trust me! been there done that! (my man complained about not having had a chance to eat when we were making our way to the hospital when i was in labor, never sacrificed a thing throughout my pregnancy, and couldn't "handle" having a growling stomach as I went through the hell of having a baby naturally (too late for an epi))

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A female reader, -x- B -x- United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2009):

-x- B -x- agony auntHey, I think that you need to talk to your partner about this and ask him what this baby means to him, because if he is the father of your child this baby is as much his responsibility as it is yours, you need to let him know that when his child is born he cant be off disappearing every day and night. If he is the nice guy I hope he is, he'll understand.Why have you moved to HIS parents when he isn't even there with you? You could invite some friends around to the house if you get lonely and I'm sure that one of your friends has a car or a means of transport .... I hope that you and your partner can come to some arrangement and I have a feeling that this baby is going to bring you even closer! I wish you the best! I hope Ive helped - B x

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A female reader, Emjo United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2009):

Emjo agony auntIm not sure there's much you can do...

Maybe try sitting down with him and explaining how you feel opposed to arguing, tell him your not expecting him to fully give his life up but maybe just understand you better and possibly set some time a side to stay with you and provide you with some much desired company?

I feel for you, but you need to make sure he understands the implications of being a father and that the responisibility starts even before the baby is born... maybe he just needs a reality check of some sort?

Why dont you try speaking to his parents about it prehaps, maybe his mothers wrath would have more of an impact than yours?

Good luck,

Take care and i hope the remainder of your pregnancy goes okay :)

Em.

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