A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I don't have a girlfriend at the moment and I don't date older women. There is this attractive lady in her early 30s. I think she is about 7 or at most 10 years older than me. A few years ago when I first got to know her, I used to flirt with her a lot. She didn't flirt back but I think she found me amusing and was always laughing at my jokes. She was friendly with me all this time.Fast forward a few years, I noticed an engagement ring on her finger so I ceased my flirtatious behavior. I think my change in behavior was so abrupt that it confirmed her suspicion that I found her attractive. Our conversations turned polite with no flirty undertones.She got married and went for a long honeymoon. I think I didn't see her for three months. When she returned to work I faked indifference but I was really happy to see her again. It was around this time that she started becoming flirty with me. Nothing that suggested she wanted to have an affair with me, but she was very touchy feely, always finding at excuse to touch my shoulder and hands.She stopped flirting while she was pregnant. I did not see her for a year after she gave birth. But when she returned to work she became flirty with me again. This time even more so. She would accidentally press her boobs against me. This has happened several times.I think she just enjoys my attention. I don't date older women so everytime after I flirt with her, that's just it. Nothing more.I have told my close friend about this and he says it just harmless flirting, people do it all the time. I do not have a girlfriend so I don't feel like I am cheating on anyone. However somehow I feel it's wrong for me to flirt with a married woman even if she encourages me to do so.I think she just enjoys gets an ego boost from a younger male. On the other hand I just enjoy her touchy feeliness. There is no indication that it would develop into anything deeper.What does everyone else think? It this right or wrong? Is it immoral?
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female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (28 January 2020):
 Lol this is adorable. Honey she cuts hair!! She flirts with everyone i assume. Her job is being fun while cutting hair, keep her same clientele coming back to her and getting nice big tips. Waitresses also do this very well.
Shes just a great hair dresser. So have fun, flirt, smile, tip her, just be a cool client!! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2020): If you want to return home with a clean conscience, it's very easy. You know what to do. Be friendly, no flirting, no touching from you and don't ask her questions like, 'What are you doing after work?' Don't you realise that sounds exactly as if you are about to ask her out. Which is why she back peddled at that point.
She doesn't want to sleep with you either, she's just passing the time with a young, male client who she can see finds her attractive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2020): [EDIT]:
"She probably thought it to be cute!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2020): I think you're misinterpreting her responses out of wishful-thinking. She was flattered that you find her attractive; and she enjoyed the focused-attention of a younger-man. She probably thought to be cute!
She never reacted previously, because she has a man; but she notices your distancing yourself, and sending her signals you feel rejected. Your behavior is more readable than you think. Women are quite intuitive, and you're also giving-off involuntary-signals when you feel offended. You don't always have to be blatant about your disappointment. She never meant to hurt your feelings.
I think her touching is just reassuring you that she still thinks well of you; but not in the way you've wanted her to.
Your workplace is where you work. It's not where you flirt. Flirtation becomes testy, inappropriate, and leads to unintended consequences when you're on the job.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 January 2020):
 Verbal flirting can be harmless if both involved (and their partners) feel it’s harmless and non-sexual. Touching is not harmless flirting.
Her reputation is more at stake than yours and you need to back off now. Definitely no more touching.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2020): I think there is such a thing as harmless flirting but nothing you've said here really sounds like she's flirtiing at all. it sounds like it's in your head
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2020): OP here. Actually she is not my coworker. I mentioned that I meet her at her workplace and it must have confused everyone. She actually works at the local hair salon in my small town. I have been getting haircuts from her for several years now.
I have been trying to stop our flirty encounters but it is difficult. Partly because I don't want to find another hair salon. She gives me a generous discount. She is still charging me the same prices she charged me five years ago.
I do not think I am encouraging her. I do not do any of the touchy feely stuff. It is she that usually initiates it. Sometimes she accidentally presses her boobs against the back of my head when trimming my head. She finds reasons to touch my hands. Her hands linger too long when she brushes hair off my neck. That kind of touchy feeliness. I just sit there. There's nothing much I can't do while sitting there.
She is quite chatty. We do banter quite a lot. She asks me a lot of questions. Like what am doing this weekend? How were my college exams? Do I have a girlfriend? Do I have a dog? Sometimes she asks if I like her new hairstyle or hair color. She sometimes asked me does she look prettier as a blonde or brunette.
Usually she does most of the questioning. Sometimes I also ask her questions. But when I ask her questions like what she is going to do after work, she usually answers but I could see she doesn't like answering it and she usually remains silent after that. It is like I have crossed some boundary and then she realised she had to withdraw.
I think she also considers this harmless flirting. I don't think she wants to sleep with me. I don't want to sleep with her either. She is an attractive woman but I am not attracted to her. She gained a lot of weight after her pregnancy. But that is not my point. My point is even if she tried to give herself to me, I wouldn't sleep with her.
I don't think she wants to sleep with me either. She is probably bored at her repetitive job where mostly old ladies get their hair permed or colored. For her it's probably just half an hour of fun every month. Or perhaps she does this to every dude that goes to her for a haircut.
It is probably harmless but if it isn't how do I hint to her that it should stop? Or is it ok to just continue?
I just want to get a haircut and return with a clean conscience.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (26 January 2020):
 You were walking a thin line once she became engaged. Once married, a woman should be off limits other than light flirting with both people knowing its just "talk" and definitely never being sexual. You've both crossed the line now that there is physical touching going on. How is that appropriate? You are at WORK. Would you like it if your girlfriend or wife was acting the way this woman acts? Come on..OP you know its going too far. STOP. The woman obviously knows what she is doing and likes the attention and perhaps that's all it is to her but she's going too far and you need to cut it out. People watch, people talk and do you really want to get rumors started where you work?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 January 2020):
 I think there IS such a thing as harmless flirtation... if both parties FULLY understand it's JUST for fun and PREFERABLY both a single.
I definitely think she enjoys the attention, but I think think YOU need to be aware of how it can be perceived by OTHER people you both work with. Her reputation is WAY more at stake than yours. As you probably know. A flirtatious woman can often be regarded with a negative connotation where as a guy, well "we" kind of just shake our heads.
And I think if you for a moment though about it a LITTLE more, you might consider "phasing" it out. She is married, she is a mother and she IS a coworker.
I DO think the TOUCHY FEELY is a no go. That is taking it too far, IMHO. That goes part a "harmless flirtation". I mean would YOU think it was OK for YOUR wife or GF to behave that way? Do you think IF you had a partner SHE would be OK with you flirting and having this "handsy" interactions with ANOTHER woman?
I think it's common sense that some BANTER is usually OK, as long as it stays there. Nothing further. But as much as she probably is JUST doing it for ego boosts, it's also encouraging her to behave someone inappropriate at work, IMHO.
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