A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to stay out of trouble,not having relationship with someone,and focus on my things. I do like chatting with friends and hanging out with them but not the kind of boyfriend and girlfriend. Sometimes it makes me mad that some of my friends ask me if we can bf and gf or bf and gf working toward husband and wife. As of my opinion I think just friends and best friends are more fun than with bf and have more space that I can do whatever I want or go to wherever I want without any annoying question coming up after. I don't know but sometimes I think there's something wrong with me of how to deal with bf. It's like we're bf and gf but I don't want somebody to tell me what to do or ask me what I've been doing or any of that kind of question. And it doesn't bother me to question them or know what they are up to.they are grown up not kids anymore. And here's other reason why I don't really have interest in having a boy friend,it is hard for me to fall in love but when I do and we break up it will take a lot of time for me to heal. So it's like it is hard for me to trust anybody.I don't want that kind of pain over and over again but it seems in some ways that I am different from other girls or abnormal. Almost of my girl friends talk a lot about their boyfriends or any guy they saw that they when we're hanging out. What you think of me,am I normal person or I need something to change of who I am? And if I need to change then how?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): There is nothing wrong with you and don't you allow anyone to influence you to believe otherwise. You have every right not to want to be in a relationship, as long as you are happy and not hurting anyone else....then leave it at that. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Moreover, when a person has be effected in a negative sense on an emotional level by ways of having they're heart broken, it is NOT easy by any means,to just open up on that level again. Believe me, I am going through this as we speak---emotional pain is extremely hard and painful to heal and some people never get over it---they are damaged for life. I say take it slow and only date and open yourself up when you are ready--not before that time.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 Are you happy? Then why feel a need to change? If relationships isn't for you, then so be it. It is abnormal in the sense that most people do want love and relationships. Humans are also social creatures, we simply enjoy being intimate and close to others. But being different from the masses doesn't mean you need to change. Not unless you yourself want to.
I'm quite the opposite of you I suppose. I can't help but to love people and fall in love, and seek love and affection. Someone to sleep next to, wake up with, cuddle with. Kisses and hugs, sex not the least, someone to share things with. When you love someone, you want to share everything with that person, and I don't want to hold myself back from doing just that. But then again, you don't easily fall in love you said.
How do you avoid a relationship once you have fallen in love? Does it not hurt you to not be near them? Does it not pain you to think of them being with someone else? I don't think anyone should enter a relationship if they don't want one, but when you are in love, how can you stop yourself from wanting it?
I guess it's up to each to decide what risks are worth taking. But to me, feeling mutual love, affection, being wanted, and being able to share things with the person you love, are intimate with, and have that special bond with, is worth the risk of losing that person. And there is also the chance that you end up not hurt, but move towards having a family together, which I see as very giving and life enriching.
But you judge for yourself what is worth the risk of heartache. Heartaches get easier to deal with in time though, as CindyCares said. You learn how to cope with them, you learn how to deal with things and emotions in a way you won't ever if you stay alone.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 You seem to have a peculiar vision of relationships, a couple is not a prison, and not every man or woman is intrusive or controlling. Of course if two people care about each other, they'll be interested in each other's life,they'll want to know things about each other 's life , but it does not have to mean they want to control you.
Imagine you ask your best female friend : so , where have you been yesterday night ? and she growls back " None of your business ", you'd feel bad, because you did not ask out of being nosy or overbearing.
If you mean, though, that you don't feel ready for a committed, exclusive relationship, and you want to be free to date multiple people, as long as you
say it right away, and the other person is ok with that, I don't see a problem.
The second half or your post would show , though, that your waryness of relationships stems less from a fierce love of your independence and more from your emotional vulnerability and fear of being hurt.
What can I say, - you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs. Love can be a mine field , and some times there are casualties. Again, all good things in life are worth taking a chance, and exposing yourself to
the chance of failure. How do you handle failure without feeling drowned by it, it's something you learn with time , experience and a good self knowledge.
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