A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband... Tim... He's awesome! One series character always comes to my mind when I'm thinking about him - Aidan from Sex and The City. He's perfect - not for every girl, but for Carrie. The same is about Tim. He's perfect: his personality, his body, his education and work, his attitude to me... So why the hell I sometimes find myself thinking whether he's the best for me. I mean I know he IS, but there are lots of things I'd like to improve but I'm even afraid to tell him - cuz he's sooo good! And all my friends and family think so too. I just don't understand why he can't do those little things for me I'm longing for - those things, which would tell me how much he loves me. Like flowers, chocolates, sweet messages, nice dates etc. Why? Is that extremely difficult for a loving man? Can't he just show me from time to time that I'm special - show me the way I'd understand. Men like material things, they don't understand 'flowers' thing. But I told him what I want. Why doesn't he do it then?I know I must let him be himself and love him the way he is. But I don't like the fact that I'm asking only for little things and he can't do even them, and afterwards I feel like shit cuz I told him what I wanted. Next to him I feel weak, ugly, useless and ... lonely. May be something is wrong with me? May be it's just a 'girl's' thing - always wanna change their men? I'm just so sick and tired of it - my husband doesn't care, and the only person who suffers is me
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 You cannot turn someone into something they are not.
Tim is not Aidan.
Perhaps you are in love with a person that does not exist.
It is natural sometimes in a LTR to wonder if there is the perfect guy out there but they are just thoughts, not necessarily reflecting how you feel in the main picture.
You will feel less guilty if you learn about all the things you are grateful for in love and from your relationship and by your actions of gratitude it may also encourage Tim to do the same.
~Chocolate takes so much better when you do not have to ask!
I like flowers too but I buy my own, my husband is wonderful in his own way.
You sound like a sweet person but you should not expect your husband to help you make you feel better about yourself.
This is something you need to do yourself. Start a journey within and find out what makes you feel complete.
When you are comfortable with your inner self, you will no longer need another to help you feel whole.
Good luck and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, guys! I know you are right. I'm just trying to forget about MY problems by blaming him for what HE isn't doing. But he truly does a lot, and I hope he'll do 'those little things' as well, cuz it isn't that difficult. And yes, I told him WHY I want this 'flower' thing - this is how we women understand that we're loved. Most of us, I mean. But to make myself busy not to think about it is a good idea!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Perhaps you have gotten spoiled? You are with a great man, you yourself think he is wonderful, and next to him you are less. There's no imperfections with this guy, he gives you all you need... And you have nothing to complain about. But "Next to him I feel weak, ugly, useless and ... lonely."So my thought is that perhaps you have gotten used to him, and bored with him, his perfection makes you feel imperfect, so you are looking for trouble to spice it up. To have at least ONE thing to complain about? To even the score? "Sure, on the surface he's better than me, but he doesn't buy me flowers!"- sort of?I have a nack for creating drama around me where there is none, and stir up the boat, so I find it a theory easy to believe. You are bored, and instead of leaving your husband be you try to stir up something. And make a big fuzz about the little things. Of course, this could be wrong. This is just a theory I have. I don't see any other reason for why a woman would claim her man is perfect for her, yet she is still complaining about wanting to change him. If you want him changed he's not perfect, and if he's perfect there's nothing to change. So either you are trying to change what is already perfect (making drama out of nothing) or he's not really as perfect as you and everyone else believe. A thing to remember is that if you and him have been together for a while it's easy to forget the things he does that shows you he loves you. It's easy to start taking it for granted unless you watch out. So he might be doing a lot that you just brush of as "the regular". Meaning you've gotten spoiled with his signs of affection to the point where you are blind to it.Try to take a step back and review the situation. If it is a case of you being spoiled, or bored, the fastest way to solve it is to get busy with something, work, or a hobby, do something interesting in your life, and not have your life revolve around your husband. If you have your life revolve around him you will come to pick him apart very fast.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 March 2011):
 He cares, he most likely just shows it in different ways. When you asked him to do those things, did you tell him WHY they are important to you? Did you tell him that they only work when they are spontaneous?It's not wrong to want those little things. They are a way to keep the love alive. I'm sure if he's as great as you say, that he will want to do them if you can help him understand their importance.
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