A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have such a dilemma, I can't figure it out what goes on with sex in the older age group. It is because, sadly me and my husband are not sexual anymore , due to his erectile dysfunction, and lack of libido. It has been investigated by doctors, what is the cause, but he never got a definite answer why is this happening,. But I can't imagine now, what goes on with other same age couples sex life, or older, because mine sort of stopped at 42 for now... So I wonder how important sex is for 50+ people, and how active is their sex life.. I don't know what to think, it is so confusing. In one way , I keep reading about it, that man losing their ability to have sex, over 50 or earlier, if not fully , than at least in some degree. And they say, sex just not going to be that important over 50, as much, when you were 20. Yet , I keep hearing about woman or man, who are still crazy for sex in their 60 es, or even 70 's, . Like they are dating, and in love and sex issues all over in their lives, while others are visiting grandchildren and doing family stuff.... So here is where I get really confused, what is the truth. Like that man over 40, is going downhill, and sex becomes a chore, or the 70 year old can be just as horny, than a 20 year old? Like when my husband goes to the doctor, he says to him, dont feel bad, there are many man in your age, who has problem, like you.. Sex is just not the same, when we get older...So yes, where is the truth?Most people declines in sex, over 50?And only a small percentage will stay active? Or the majority of people stays active, and have no sexual dysfunctions, even in their older age? . What do you think?
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male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (5 September 2013):
We don't really talk about sex, so I don't know what my wife thinks. I suspect that it's not a very big deal -- sex never seemed that important to her. I'd certainly be willing to do things other than intercourse, but oral doesn't do anything for her and she really dislikes fingers. I wouldn't dare mention toys.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): Thanks, unknown2u !You are right, it felt a bit lonely, to be the only one with crappy sex life. But I guess, there are so many lucky people out there, who will never know, the misery of lost sex life.I was hoping too, that I m not alone her, because its always worst, when you feel singled out. But I guess, that only difference is , that sadly , you are on medication, what I hope its working for what ever problems you have, you know why you have this problem. But my husband does not know it. And it makes it worst for me. I do trust him, and I feel sorry for him, yet it is too much to except. How is your wife with this issue? Is she supportive?
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (4 September 2013):
I wasn't going to chime in, but the responses tended to come in on one side. You might like to hear from someone who is closer to your experience.
My wife and I had a reasonable sex life to start off. It slowed down more than I would have liked given kids and careers. By the time kids were a bit less of an issue I was on meds that interfered. So our sex life is pretty much dead. On one level I do miss it -- in terms of what I remember when I was younger and there was passion. On another I don't miss it so much as it had become so routine as to almost not be worth bothering with.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (4 September 2013):
 if this will help, i am 53 and sex is more important to my wife and myself more than ever. sex seems better than it did when we first married 30 years ago.
i never seem to get enough, i don't want to settle for less either. it takes both working together. we get out and do things with each other travel and spend time with each other. we work up sex , touch and talk.
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A
female
reader, Chicago Girl +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I can tell you that sex comes in many different ways.... the secret is to enjoy it. Have conversation with your partner... let hime know what you like and the rest will take care of itself.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (2 September 2013):
All I can say is Im 45 and rare is the day when I don't have sex with my wife. Ive always been a horny bastard but I just don't get the "decline of libido" thing that some guys talk about after 40. Maybe some day it will hit me, but surely not yet....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 September 2013):
 As one of the old fossils who has figured out how to have a sexual/intimate life... even at my advanced age.... I can assure you that I, my lucky lady friend, and those in the circle(s) in which I socialize... enjoy pretty active sexual lives.....
This isn't JUST an issue of who can charge-up for intercourse. You know that with advancing age all manner of impediments show up.... dryness, erectile issues, energy levels, medical maladies... the list is almost endless.... BUT, those who love one-another find ways to enjoy intimacies between themselves... and in whichever way they find (most) satisfactory, they/we keep on "choogin'" (word, courtesy of John Fogarty!).....
If you have - or are - finding your intimate life to be barren, or unrewarding, then you should feel comfortable to open up conversation with your partner to figure out how to spice things up....
Don't let platitudes set the mold for YOUR love-life!!!!
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 September 2013):
 I am sorry to hear you are experiencing this. For both men AND women, as they age, their sexual prowess declines. Also with familiarity and as the relationship ages, the "newness" of sex declines.
I do believe that many people experience full and satisfying sex lives. Although my bet is that it doesn't happen as much as it used to. Again the familiarity issue.
I do believe that for many if not all men, a lack of libido in their 40's is a hallbringer of bad health news. Excluding mental issues, it is usually a result of poor diet, lack of exercise, and can be often times attributable to diabetes and heart problems. Also keep an eye out for environmental problems or soy. I think it is happening to far too many men, too early.
That being said, part of a loving and successful marriage is being there for one another physically. Sometimes this means if you have no desire or can't get it up, you must be there to keep your partner sexually satisfied. Hopefully he is living up to that end of the marital contract -- if not I would have a talk with him. He could stimulate orally or manually.
Sadly, it just sounds like you got a bad luck of the draw. If your husband is unable to perform -- and hasn't for several years -- the problem can appear very weighty for you. I know many men have complained of women not being interested in sex -- primarily because of menopause.
Hopefully your husband will be able to find help but I do think that many couples have fulfilling and active sex lives past their 40's. It just takes work by BOTH parties to keep it interesting and lively.
Eddie
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