A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this is going to sound really silly but I need some advice. I've been married to my husband for 7 years and we have a great relationship. We are happy, healthy, love our kids, love each other, sex is awesome and we just have a lot of fun. We've learned how to handle our problems with respect and maturity. He's my best friend and I just love our life. Well here's the problem... He had to travel to another state last month, like we've done several times over the years, to take care of some property we own. He had a layover in a city and stayed at the airport hotel. We said our goodnight's over the phone and that was that, he went on to our old hometown the next day and was home before I knew it. We were on the phone constantly because I had to get some legal documents sent to him there. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary... Until I got our phone bill, that I NEVER check. I was looking at it online to see how many minutes we have left. Anyway, on the first page, there were 3 calls made between 2-3 am from his phone to numbers in the city he was at. I was shocked. I tried calling the numbers and they were disconnected except for one. The girl who answered told me that she was an escort who specialized in massage, "do you need an appointment? I don't do girls, but my friend does". I swear I almost passed out. So, I Googled the numbers and sure enough, they were all found in multiple ads for "adult services" on craigslist. My husband walked in the door right as I was about to throw up and I just turned my computer around. I showed him the nunbers and calmly asked him what they were. He seemed genuinely suprised and concerned/pissed that they were on his bill, because according to him, he was in bed by 11. Ok, so we called Verizon and the guy on the phone said that our phones (BB Storm) are almost impossible to clone and that if we claim we didn't make the calls, he didn't know what they could be. So, now I'm left with my incredible husband who always makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, who tells me how happy he is with our amazing life on a daily basis, etc...looking me in the face and getting upset with ME because I'm not buying the whole "someone must have did something to get my number" thing. What do I do? Trust me, I've gone through the last 2 yrs worth of phone bills by now looking for other suspicious numbers and there aren't any. Of course I want to believe him, but there's a part of me that just doesn't buy it. It's so confusing because he's such a germaphobe, and I can't see him risking everything (arrest/disease/divorce) for a nasty piece of A$$. Trust me, I saw the pics of the girls and I just don't get it. On the other hand, I can't see anyone going to the trouble to try and clone a phone just so that they could make a few, already free phone calls in the middle of the night. I might believe it more if there were calls made all around the country or globe and they racked up our bill, but these were all local calls and free. SO, can someone please tell me if the whole concept of phone hacking makes sense? Or is my perfect soul mate pulling a fast one? I am very intuitive and my gut has never steered me wrong, but this time it's just not sure where to lead me. Thanks.
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female
reader, spiderweb  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 The evidence is overwhelming that he did make the calls. There is no evidence that he actually followed it up though. Perhaps he was just curious and acted on impulse. Whatever... you'll never know. My advice is to put it behind you and ignore it. I doubt he'll do such a thing again. Perhaps you should leave some reading matter lying around, like STD's and the chances of getting them from a call-girl. Don't let an impulsive decision ruin your excellent relationship and even if he did go through with it, it's not grounds for breaking up your family. If you feel you need to say something then why don't you consider issuing an ultimatum like: "I know you called these girls and I hope you didn't have sex with one of them. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, but if you ever do anything like this again...." (insert own suitably dire threats). One last thought, perhaps you could ask him how he'd like it if you were looking for some cheap thrills of your own whilst he was absent.
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 I'm sorry but OBVIOUSLY he made the calls. That doesn't mean however that he went through with the transaction. Does he generally carry a lot of cash with him? If not then check for a late night ATM withdrawal.
I travel a lot. This is far far more common than you could possibly imagine. If you know what to look for you can sit in the lobby of almost any high end, city centre, business-focused hotel between 9.30 - 12.30 in the evening and watch the call girls literally streaming in.
Let it go. Believe the lie. There are far worse things that he could have done. This was discreet, anonymous, devoid of emotional content and If there was any sex then it will have been very safe. Better by far than him getting involved with a neighbour or a coworker or similar.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (18 August 2010):
 You've answered your own question, darling. Phones aren't easy to hack and as you said, it makes no logical sense to do that.
Having said that, he may not have actually availed of the advertised services. A lot of guys do back out when it comes to actually acting on these things (I faced a similar situation last night, so I know where I'm coming from here). He's most likely a fool who got tempted and may or may not have acted on it.
You can try something on the lines of what @beingblack has suggested. Let him know that you know what you know. At worst it will be a strong deterrent to his trying it again.
Whether you want to carry on or end this, I don't know. The seed of doubt has been sown and your relationship may never quite be the same.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Unfortunately I know a little something about security and there is a reason why corporate businesses use BB as their corporate phones, they are nearly impossible to hack.
They are actually illegal in some countries (Middle East and Asia) because the governments there can't get past the encryption.
It would take a massive amount of time and resources to hack his phone... and for what... to make a couple of late night phone calls to an escort agency?
It's bullshit and I think you know it.
That said, is it worth throwing away your whole life together for one mistake? You said yourself that he's never done this before...
Sit down with him and tell him to be honest with you. Then you can decided if you want to stay or not.
Alternatively, you can always ignore it. I know it may sound like a strange option but the fact that he knows he was very close to being caught should be a powerful deterrent in the future and he may never try something like this again.
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A
male
reader, Cloverfield  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 That doesn't sound at all good..... & I’m afraid I just don’t buy your husbands explanation. People just don’t go to the hassle of cloning, what you've been told is an almost unclonable phone, simply to make a few calls to escorts.
I have to go with Occams Razor, the most obvious explanation tends to be the real one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): 7 years is a long time.. I feel for you I really do.. Mines overseas on business and will still be away for 2 months.. Once apon a time we had problems more or less the same. We worked it out and happy together, I was hurt badly and it still hurts just thinking about it.. The best to do is talk about it if you have a feeling his not telling the whole truth, forget and forgive, or move on split up.. At the end of the day happiness counts for both parties even if yous are one... One's gut feeling is never wrong.. Hear him out listen to what he says, and dont ram at him jet him finish and then you talk have your say.. And work something out together... Good luck I wish you well..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Thats a tricky one... I don't know your husband but from reading the story I would assume the worst, like you said it doesnt make sense. However just because he called the number doesnt meant he went through with the erotic massage or whatever it was. Cant you call her back and ask her what went on?
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Unfortunately, I do not believe your husband.
Why would anyone go to the trouble of hacking or cloning a phone just to make a few calls to an escort agency?
If you want to clear the air and regain your husband, you have to trust him. If you trust him, and believe him, you would not be posting here.
Maybe a tiny white lie is called for. I would simply say that one of the women in the pictures is coming to your city and has asked to meet you, then watch his reaction.
If he wants to know when, where, take the day off to come with you etc, he is guilty.
If he shows little interest, or says go sort it out with her, he is trustworthy, as he has nothing to hide at all.
Or, you could simply carry on your married life, with your doubts, and hope this was all a big mistake somehow.
Only you know what is best for you.
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