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Is there anything wrong with never coming out as gay?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 February 2021) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2021)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am a 36 years old man who is single. I have known since I was about 13 years old that I was gay. I have never been in a relationship with anyone (male or female) and I never came out of the closet.

I always hear of people coming out of the closet. Is there any thing wrong with never coming out of the closet?

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2021):

kenny agony auntI think as you are in your current situation not dating anyone then its totally fine to not divulge the fact that you are gay.

I think if you got into a serious relationship and you were with someone you potentially saw a future with then probably this would be a good time to come out.

But again, you are your own person, you are in charge of your life and what you want people to know and don't know is no ones business but yours.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2021):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntNothing wrong as such, but I have to wonder why you are asking the question. As you are 36, you have obviously lived this way up to now. Has something changed recently?

As you are not deceiving anyone (i.e. dating and pretending your sexual preference is different to what it actually is), then you are doing nothing "wrong" as such. However, as you mention not having dated at all, then I will ask: WHY have you never dated? Are you afraid to admit (to who?) that you are gay? Or are you simply not interested in dating? If the former, then that is a very sad way to live your life, suppressing part of yourself out of fear of what others may think.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (27 February 2021):

Honeypie agony auntNope, it's totally OK to not want to come out.

Do you.

If you are also NOT dating anyone, why is it anyone's business whether you are gay or straight or whatever?

You are still you, regardless. Be you.

I think most people that come out DO it for themselves, not others. So again, entirely up to you.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (27 February 2021):

Ciar agony auntNot in my opinion.

You can come out, or not, and if not, you can change your mind any time.

It's about what works for you, and not what others say.

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