A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:I'm not going to lie. I have made love to prostitutes before. I have tried to be gentle with them (women of course). But I want to know...is there anything romantic or beautiful about making love to prostitutes? I need to get it off my conscience. I don't want to feel guilty about it any more. I need to be reassured that there is something special about having it off with prostitutes/ sex workers. Can I have a few opinions on this? I do NOT want any answers related to anal sex. I believe in human decency. Is there anything romantic about having sex with a prostitute?I was sexually abused as a child. So please understand that I've had a hard life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): It all depends on how you view prostitutes: as a product that you buy or as a woman you spend time with. Women will always respond to kindness and respect, prostitutes are no different. But at the end of the day, they are there to get you off and fufill your fantasies. It may be romantic to you, but it's likely just work to them.
A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (12 July 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question I admit that all the bad things that have happened to me I deserve. But I think it is wishful thinking to expect an experience with a prostitute to be special.
The reality is I was drunk when I had my first experience with one and I felt like I had been exploited by her in some way. I don't want to go into any details about the whole thing, but we did something that I'm ashamed of.
I hope that no-one from Australia is going to read this and guess who I am. I believe some things must be kept private.
But jack5, I appreciate your honesty. I might send you a private email within the next week. But as I say, soon I have to travel to another state (by plane).
I might be gone for a few weeks or months.
I love prostitutes very much, but I don't want to be with one ever again. I either want a real relationship or no relationship at all.
I often make mistakes when I'm under the influence of alcohol. And alcohol and medication do not mix.
Some female friend I have has stated that she will not speak to me again if I go back to having it off with sex workers. And I have to respect her opinion.
Sometimes, our friends are all we've got. I must make sure that I don't do anymore damage to my life than I already have. And I don't wish to exploit women anymore.
But if other people can live with themselves after having it off with sex workers, it's none of my business. I forgot to put in an important detail that I should have. My doctor the other day has told me that there is a chance I am going blind. So I will need a very special woman to take care of me if that happens.
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female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 No i don't think theres anything romantic about having sex with a prostitute. If its romantic sex i.e 'making love' that your looking for then i would recomend that you start looking for a girlfriend.
As for as prostitutes go, you don't know her and she doesnt know you shes just there to get her earned cash and she assumes your just there to fufill a sexual need.
For sex to be romantic i think that there should be some kind of attachment between you and that other person,you should have feelings for her and she in turn should have feelings towards you.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 July 2010):
 My heart goes out to you, don't be afraid to ask for help..
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female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (11 July 2010):
Have you had any help for the abuse because thats obviously what your life revolves around i know it can be a hard thing to discuss but people out there are willing to help if your willing to talk
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (11 July 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it's more complicated than what I first thought. But avoiding any kind of sexual encounters seems to be the only solution right now. I can't risk something horrible happening to me in the future. Women can exploit and abuse men just as badly as what men can do to women.
Never underestimate the damage that sexual abuse or harrassment can do to someone.
But thanks for your concern miamine. I will think about it all for a while. I need to talk. A girlfriend is not the answer at the moment.
Some people see sex as something beautiful. But I now see it as something complicated. There is a dark side to sex. And the dark side might be stronger than the good side.
I now do very strange things in public that some people notice. I am too scared to shake hands with people sometimes.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 July 2010):
Sexual abuse does that to you, it makes you ashamed to be alive... hiding in alcohol only dulls the pain, but it dosen't sort it out. Only way to get strong and leave the past behind is to realise your a survior, to strive to live, to strive to thrive, to be happy and have joy in life. Some wicked person stole your childhood, right now your letting them steal your adulthood too.
Yes, sexual abuse hurts, the memories live with you and turn you into a frightened adult. Talk, talk and talk some more, counselling will help, or contact surviors/child abuse groups on the internet.. Talk to people who know how you feel, let them hear your secrets and share your secrets with them..
Yes there will be pain, but healing the past abuse will set you free...
Be strong, I promise talking about your feelings is the best way to make things change.
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (11 July 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like I'm going round and round in circles. I am going to visit my family soon in another part of Australia. And they find me to be a real nutjob. (I don't know if that's a word)
I don't ever talk about it with them. All I remember about my experience with prostitutes is that it was a let-down. It was not a special experience. It was terrible.
They leave as soon as they can. I don't blame them. But it sure does feel lonely when they leave. And I feel disgusting inside. Real dirty.
I can't say in this post what I really want to say because it won't be put through for publication.
But even if a nice woman does find me one day, I don't know if I can accept her because I feel disgusted with myself. Like I no longer deserve her. Or I don't want her anymore. It's hard to explain.
Life is like a shit sandwich and every day, we take another bite. The only solution to all my problems is to drink more beer. Beer can help block out the past for an hour or two. Alcohol abuse is the term some people use.
But anyway, thanks for your answers. It feels good to talk about the whole thing.
Is there any way I can reject a woman one day without hurting her feelings, or without her accusing me of being gay?
I wonder if I would be better off just staying single for the rest of my life. Not many guys think that way, but I'm a nutjob. So I do.
I actually had a sexual experience once that I'm ashamed of and I don't feel like going into any details about it. Has that ever happened to any of you guys or girls? Have you ever had such a bad sexual experience that you just want to be left alone forever?
When I think about the future, it is almost as scarey as thinking about the past. The only time I feel good is when I have a few beers in front of me.
Is there a God? Does he care about my problems? What should I do?
Some things are so embarrassing to talk about, that I wouldn't even discuss them with someone I trust, no matter how drunk I was.
I look in the mirror every day and I don't know if I like what I see anymore.
I have lost what it means to be human. But then again, maybe I never had it in the first place.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 July 2010):
Hold your horses, I've been following your post. Please do not feel disgusted with yourself for going to sex workers for help. They are just women, women with bills and families to provide for. They are also the experts. No there is nothing romantic about the trade in sex. But it there can be kindness in the act.
You tried to be respectfull and gentle when you are with a prostitute. They will remember you for that and be thankfull. Not all men are so considerate.
Yes, they'll thank you for your money too... but not being hurt and having someone who is gentle is a very important thing.
The sex industry are made for people in your situation. Men with bad experiences, men who are lonely, virgin men scared of sex, men who may have certain desires that they are ashamed about. Sex workers know all about this, and many are proud that they can bring joy to someone's life. Telling a man to wait for the rare kind woman who will understand and accept him, is sometimes asking for people to be lonely and frustrated for a very long time.
You regret the use of sex workers... why? Would it have better to have no contact with women at all. I assume you find it difficult to make relationships with women. You wanted human contact, you were willing to pay, these women know about the lonliness, they are willing to provide a service..
A story as old as man. Never be ashamed about what you have done because you wanted some company one night..
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reader, bruce lee +, writes (11 July 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought about giving the prostitute an expensive watch, but I ended up giving it to my mum. Anyway, the point is that I'm bad. I'm bad. You know it, you know.
Thanks for your answers.
I hope you all learn something from this. Do not make the same mistake I made. Avoid sex workers because it will come back to haunt you one day.
Life goes on though. We all make mistakes and we have to live with them.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 I wouldn't ever say that it's "romantic", that strikes me as the wrong word but it can be very nice. In the same way that you can have a good human relationship within the context of a functional interaction with your lawyer or accountant you can have a genuine human to human interaction within the functional constraints of a client - working girl interaction.
I have very little experience of prostitution in western countries other than a couple of episodes nearly 18 years ago which left me disappointed and feeling frankly a little exploited, BUT where I live, in China, it is almost unavoidable and routine. I travel a lot, I work hard when Im travelling and most nights I'll have someone come to sleep with me. It's just become a habit.
Obviously the girls are there for the money but within that context, with the right attitude, you can have a very pleasant, very warming, life affirming interaction.
My mistress was a call girl in Shanghai for a couple of months 3 years ago. She walked out on her husband when she found him sleeping with her best friend. She was 29 and had an 8 year old daughter. She was brought up in profound poverty and had only 3 year's education so not many jobs were open to her when she suddenly found herself without a home but she happens to be stunningly good looking. Her first client was only the second man she had ever had sex with - imagine how brave that is! She didn't hate it at all. She found it exciting. She never saw more than one client a night. Rich foreign men in 5 star hotels were giving her more money for an hours work (more often all over and done in half an hour) than she would make working a month in a factory.
So, no it isn't romantic but if you know that the girls are there willingly and you treat them with respect there is no need to feel guilty. Basically, once you have paid them act as if you haven't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): You need to wake up to reality. If you're feeling 'romantic' feels for a prostitute she's doing a good job at fulfilling your fantasy, but it IS NOT LOVE. She's a sex worker, who's being paid to spread her legs and allow you to get off. Her only affection is for your money. She might be freindly towards you, but it is NOT LOVE.
The fact that you treat her nice is great, as this is very good practice for when you find a woman who you can have a romantic relationship with. I suspect (but really have not idea) that men who treat whores poorly are likely to have serious personality disorders and more likely to be bad choices for good relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): To be honest, as long as you are paying for it, there is no shared mutual attraction: its her job basically and shes doing it for a living. I know there are exeptions, but often prostitutes are addicted to drugs and are living that lifestyle to fund their habits, sometimes they have been trafficked and are being exploited against their will. So I would say that unless you are in an actual relationship with a prostitute (i.e. you dont pay) then there really isnt anything romantic or beautiful about it. If your intentions are to have that kind of sexual relationship (and they seem like good ones) then I think you're looking in the wrong place. Find women who will have sex with you because they want to and because they are attracted to you, not because they are making money out of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): No it's not romantic and she does not see it that way either, however if you've treated her kindly and with respect, like how a person should be treated, then in my opinion you have done nothing wrong:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): I'm afraid not. To them it's just a job and they do their job, you pay them the money. Nothing romantic about it at all.
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female
reader, ARELI  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 i dont htink theres nothing romantic about doing it with a prostitute unles before that ya was chatting and seem to connect but really!!if u paying money !!thasts no ramance there!!shes doing it as a job.....so try dating and maybe ull find ur special gal lol ok take care bye
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (10 July 2010):
 I suppose if you enjoy her company, it may be romantic to you.
As for the woman, she sees you as a customer.
Sometimes sex workers do get attached to some customers. But its not the same thing.
I'd say you're having great sex because you paid for what you want. Its easy, convenient, and if done safely, enjoyable.
Welcome to utilizing the services of the world's oldest profession.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): I would leave a man as soon as they told me they had done this. It tells me they have no class, they are unromantic, can't wait and don't need to even like someone to have sex with them
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): No there is not anything romantic or beautiful about having sex with prostitutes. If you cannot see it for what it is then don't do it.
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female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (10 July 2010):
no theres nothing romantic about it
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 No there is nothing romantic about having sex with a prostitute. Sorry.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Nope, you pay money, they provide a service... If you had a prostitute not take your money then maybe... I guess? :S
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): If you've had sex with prostitutes you know there's nothing romantic about it, it's just business.
There's nothing to feel guilty about either though, it's just a business transaction.
Don't worry about it, there's nothing wrong with having sex with a prostitute, as long as she isn't a drug addict or sex slave or something like that. There is a blind perception perpetrated by society that all prostitutes somehow forced into it by circumstance or against their will. This is not true at all, that somehow no woman would ever choose to do that for a living.
I'm friends with a prostitute, she loves her job, she loves sex and absolutely loves the idea that she provides lonely guys with a service that in some way gives them a bit of satisfaction in their lives. She's very selective of her clients, everything is above board and done safely with dignity. She pays tax, she's raising two kids with her husband and does charity work in her free time. As you can imagine most of her work is done at night.
She has regulars that she has developed a sort of affection for, the same as a waitress in a coffee shop that serves the same customer the same beverage on a daily basis.
Don't judge prostitutes, it's just a job and for some like my friend it's a vocation, something she enjoys doing and works hard to perfect. There are exploited people in every line of work yet society doesn't paint them all as seedy or corrupt.
We still, and I really don't understand why anymore, live in a world were sex or the portrayal or sale of sex is still seen as dirty and abhorrent, yet we call soldiers who go off and kill people heroes. Violence and brutality are seen as more acceptable than sex, which is actually a beautiful act. You can show tortured and mutilated corpses and real life footage of people getting executed on TV but an erect penis or an image of a vulva, well that's a step too far, what the hell? Something wrong with that.
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