A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like to hear a sincere answer. Not a mean one, but a sincere one.I've been feeling very depressed about my age and my appearance lately. I feel like I'm very plain and unattractive and I want SO BADLY to be attractive and desirable.Is there anything I can do to be more attractive to guys, or am I too old to even be considered desirable?What can I do? Or do I just need to accept that I'm an old bag and that no one would be interested in me?I just feel awfully... plain. I would like to be more attractive but I'm not sure WHAT I can do, if anything.I would really like to get another navel piercing but I'm so afriad that I'm too old to do that. People say I'm not fat and have a flat stomach... I used to have a navel ring, and I really MISS my navel ring and would like to have one again but I wonder if it's ridiculous to do at my age. Ever since I had my last birthday, I've just gone into a tailspin. Most of my friends already have someone... but, literally, I have never in my life loved someone who loved me back. I understand that not every single guy is gonna reciprocate my love. I get that... but I'm so frustrated... there are 6 billion humans, you'd think there would be one that would work out for me.Is there anything I can do to be more attractive physically or am I just too old to be considered desirable or attractive?
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female
reader, justright +, writes (23 March 2010):
 You really need to love and appreciate yourself for anyone else to be able to do the same. Consider it self Karma. Once you build up your own esteem concerning yourself they rest will follow naturally. Good luck and can't wait to hear back from you down the road.
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 Hun, your seventy year old self is rolling her eyes at you right now. I'm 10 years older than you and I can't believe you think it's all over at 35. You've still got it all ahead of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): I just wanted to say thank you! Some of you wrote loads... you seem like really nice caring people. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your advice.
I really miss my navel ring but I'm not sure whether I'll get another one... I don't want a tattoo... nothing wrong with them, just not for me.
Angz, Betty and tjazzy those are brilliant ideas!
I never thought of the choir one but I love to sing, people seem to like it and I miss having music in my life. :) Great ideas... thank you very much!!!!
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A
male
reader, Hopefulbutlost78 +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I can easily tell you what youre missing:Beauty is only skindeep, what you need is confidence.Age is a number but if youre not confident in what you have to offer or what youre capable of people can tell,you will most certainly express that in the way you come off to people.Remember that when you approach people,you are selling yourself.I like to believe that everyone has their own taste,and even if you are "plain",there is someone for you,too.You just have to believe in yourself.
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A
female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (22 March 2010):
1. Get rid of your baggy clothes. Wear fitted clothes, preferably pants and a blouse with a collar of any style, they make you look smart and when you look smart, you tend to feel and also act smart.
2. Change your hair, change the colour and choose a style that shows the shape of your face clearly.
3. Use a little make up - not too much mind.
4. Join a gym and make friends with others like you.
5. Attend a church and volunteer for the choir or to usher.
6. Read books that teach you useful stuff you never knew, stuff you can actually use to improve your self esteem.
You won't know when the guys will start coming. The key is to become confident, if you're not confident you're not attractive to anyone.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (22 March 2010):
 Just wanted to say, Helen Moren was menat to be Helen Miren lol
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (22 March 2010):
 Since you never stated your exact age we're just going by the fact that you are between 30 and 35, right? I'm not going to try to sugar-coat this. Nor would I try to just purposely "cheer you up". You wanted a sincere answer so here it is:
No, you're not too old. The very thought of it is silly, in my opinion. You may be in a bit of a self-crisis because you are seeing your friends around you with somebody and that can be scary, but that doesn't mean you are too old.
First, I wouldn't suggest another navel ring. You shouldn't be pretending to be 18 or 19 years old because you're not. Next, just as CaringGuy stated... attitude is everything. Guys pick up on confidence and self esteem. If you don't feel good about yourself then you will project that to others around you.
Bottom line: Mid-30's, single, attractive, and confident can be a MAJOR turn on. Guys (especially somewhat younger) would absolutely love to find someone who's mature, experienced, and who has a good professional life (job,etc). You just have to change your mindset a bit. No more mentally thinking "Will he go out with me?". You need to be thinking "Does he deserve what I've got?".
You may feel like "it's just not happening for you" but you just may need a bit of a change. If you haven't found somebody good in the last year or so at all of your usually places, then forget the usually places. But the last thing you need to do is simply make changes to your appearance.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (22 March 2010):
My goodness! You are still so young. If forty is the new thirty, what is thirty five, the new twenty five? Studies have shown that the most important thing in women thirty-five+ that leads to getting married is WANTING to!! You should be sensitive towards men, and just plain LIKE them, and they will respond! Nothing like a delicious dinner, either... If you want to look good, then Aunt Angzw has some good advice about this. Sometimes something as simple as a beautiful spring hat, a colorful blouse, and (this season) a short skirt will get you far (plus clean, natural hair and -- most importantly, a SMILE!) Believe me, what Yos says is true, older men look more at personal qualities than superficial ones. And I bet you are prettier than you let on! It's springtime, just be OUT THERE and open your heart!
Love,
Manya
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (22 March 2010):
You need to love and accept yourself, before someone will love you. It is possible for someone to be loved when they don't have a high self esteem, but if you really believe what you have wrote here than this may come across to potential suitors. If you think you are past it, unattractive and not worthy of anyone's love then you will project that image of yourself. You will react to male interest as a 'past it, unattractive woman, unworthy of their love' and on a subconscious level they will take this on board and respond by backing off. This will then confirm to you what you believe, "why else would they back off, if you arn't the old, unattractive person you think you are?" It becomes a self fulfulling prophecy.The only way you can find love, is by accepting yourself for who you are.My sincere answer is that at your age 30-35 are NOT an old bag! Come on girl! Age is just a number. Some people look BETTER as they age. Mrs Osbourne and Helen Moren are 2 great examples, they look amazing, and they are far older than you(granted, Mrs O's had some work done, but you understand my sentiment). Johnny Depp's well into his 40s and I'd certainly not kick him out of bed! Age is something that will affect us all inevitably, but its how you let it affect you that matters. I personally think women and men, look better over 30, as their features are more 'settled in' and handsome, less fresh and child like. I think thats more attractive. Another thing to remember that being physically beautiful will only get someone's attention, for someone to fall in love with you they have to find you beutiful on the inside. Work on loving yourself. Concentrate ALL the love you think you should be giving to someone else(a man) on your SELF. Take care of yourself first and love will follow. GET your navel ring! You really miss it, so get it! For yourself! Who cares if someone else thinks its a young persons thing! Its your navel! If it makes you smile when you see it, it can only be a good thing!Pamper yourself, get a new wardrobe, new make up, new hair do. Do whatever it takes to feel good about yourself. Dont think you have to compete with those perfect, 19 year olds. Just concentrate on being the best YOU can be, that's all that matters. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Someone out there WILL recognise yours, but you need to recognise it first.If you are truely happy with your self alone, having a man in your life will be the icing on the cake, and only then.Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 March 2010):
You state your age as under 35. I'm probably older than you, single with 3 kids but in a serious relationship. I have never felt better about myself so I am really puzzled about why you think you are not sexy because of your age!! All the hot women are in your age group and older; Angelina Jolie is in her 30's, Halle Berry is 40 I think. Your sexiness is not determined by your age but by how you feel about yourself. You have to tell yourself you have value. I do understand having a low self esteem as I had it just after my divorce. It was only after I read 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne that I started to deal with self destructive thoughts. If you have neglected your appearance then do what needs to be done; your hair, nails, waxing etc will make you feel better. Some may say its superficial but the truth is, even you will ignore the guy in one week old jeans with yellowing teeth over a freshly showered guy with a nice haircut. Another thing, in your 30's you now can give yourself permission to date men who are 10 or more years older than you. Guys in their 40's and 50's would feel flattered to have a 30 something willing to date them. Belly rings and stuff are not necessary but if it makes you feel good then go for it. Groom yourself, take some nice pics and put them on a cute profile on connectingsingles.com. If a 50 year old university professor contacts you don't hold out for Johnny Depp.. Go for it, be confident and have some fun. Don't talk about your miserable past; be positive and look forward. Its difficult for a man to find you attractive if you have a sob story. Remember, you might go on at least 10 lousy dates before you meet the One so don't give up easily. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (22 March 2010):
You state your age as under 35. I'm probably older than you, single with 3 kids but in a serious relationship. I have never felt better about myself so I am really puzzled about why you think you are not sexy because of your age!! All the hot women are in your age group and older; Angelina Jolie is in her 30's, Halle Berry is 40 I think. Your sexiness is not determined by your age but by how you feel about yourself. You have to tell yourself you have value. I do understand having a low self esteem as I had it just after my divorce. It was only after I read 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne that I started to deal with self destructive thoughts. If you have neglected your appearance then do what needs to be done; your hair, nails, waxing etc will make you feel better. Some may say its superficial but the truth is, even you will ignore the guy in one week old jeans with yellowing teeth over a freshly showered guy with a nice haircut. Another thing, in your 30's you now can give yourself permission to date men who are 10 or more years older than you. Guys in their 40's and 50's would feel flattered to have a 30 something willing to date them. Belly rings and stuff are not necessary but if it makes you feel good then go for it. Groom yourself, take some nice pics and put them on a cute profile on connectingsingles.com. If a 50 year old university professor contacts you don't hold out for Johnny Depp.. Go for it, be confident and have some fun. Don't talk about your miserable past; be positive and look forward. Its difficult for a man to find you attractive if you have a sob story. Remember, you might go on at least 10 lousy dates before you meet the One so don't give up easily. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 March 2010):
Men will pick up on your frustration and unhappiness, and will get scared. Of course you will find love and happiness, and you're not old at all. But you do need to focus on yourself and your confidence at the moment. Men like a woman who is confident. You need to start with that. Focus on yourself and be happy for yourself. Throw yourself into your own life. Start a new hobby or something. Meet new people. You'll meet someone, but it's a matter of being in the best position for yourself before meeting someone else.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I know how tough dating can be in your 30s. You start to feel less desirable and rejection starts to hurt more, plus there's the sense of time running out. And a desire to have deeper and more meaningful relationships ups the stakes in terms of emotional investment, and hence the downside of failure.
As a man in his late 30s I'd say my priorities of what I'm looking for have changed a lot. Pure physical attraction is just ... less important that it used to be. Much more important is overall compatibility: attitude, lifestyle and being an open, honest and 'real' person. This is because of experience: we learn these are the things that really matter. Plus we realise that after a few years in a relationship appearance just becomes secondary; compatibility is what makes a relationship stand the test of time. In the mid and long term, its good communication that leads to great sex, not a hot body.
Also, as guys too we go through our 30s and begin feel the effect of age. Our bodies aren't quite what they used to be: we're not going to be able to compete with a younger man in that department, but then hopefully we have much more to offer in terms of experience, and being a sympathetic and more caring partner.
So bear in mind that the kind of guy you'll be looking for will have changing priorities too. Don't worry so much about your appearance (although it's always good to look after yourself), and focus on being the kind of person you want to be: be true to yourself and look for someone that you can share the things that matter to you with. That will make you desirable and a 'catch' worth having, and keeping.
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