A
female
age
41-50,
*IMBERLIE
writes:hi,i could really use some advice.back in january 2009 i had a miscarriage.me and my partner had been together for a year and was over the moon when i found out i was pregnant. the miscarriage was a big shock and needless to say very devastating.a few weeks later my partner announced he didnt love me anymore, so i ended our relationship, as that really was a kick in the gut. he still continued to come around, staying at weekends and acting like we were still an item, so i allowed it to carry on, as i was hoping he would have a change of heart. this continued for six months or so, but him still making it very clear to everyone that we were split. i got hacked off with him keeping me dangling, as i was very messed up, and somehow i ended up becoming close to his drug dealer. the dealer then started to supply me with cocaine whenever he was around (and bear in mind i have never touched the stuff before}and i was also hooked on my prescription medication of codiene as well as smoking a couple of puffs of cannabis to help me sleep, as it was the only way i could cope,andf somehow after drinking,smoking and taking coke one night, i ended up sleeping with this guy. my situation got worse as i was still in love with my ex,got hospitalised for taking a codiene overdose because of the guilt, and one day he confronted me about the other guy, and i told him stuff had happened. he then begged me to give us another chance,promising things would be ok between us,so i jumped at the chance and told the other guy to get lost.things were ok for a while, i then found out i was pregnant again,and suddenly he turned,claiming he cant forgive me for what i done with the other guy,so things were pretty bad between us. we eventually split again in jan this year,as he was going on about having two kids with me,and i said i dont want anymore with him because of the way he was stressing me through this pregnancy, so he said he cant be with me anymore if thats the case.so yet again we carried on just like before, him coming over still,having sex etc, and then yesterday things come to a head as i asked him straight what was going on between us, and he said that we will never get back together,so i told him to stop using me and stop coming around then,cos cant end up as messed up as before,but i still want things to work and hoping if i play it cool he will realise he wants to be with me and the baby in time.do you think this is likely,or is it the end of the road?i love the fool so much....
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female
reader, New Star 44 +, writes (22 March 2010):
It is the end of the road- it was years ago by the sounds of it. I'm sorry to be blunt but this guy sounds like he is completely using you. I know you say he came over and would hang out like you are together- well like everyone men like to have intimate company to be with, someone who will be there for them at any time. However you are going to be his someone to lean on until he finds his somebody he wants to actually be with.Its unfair and hurtful but if he wanted to be with you he should be proud that you are together and your guy wasn't, even before you fooled around.He sounds adament you will never get back together and is that what you want from the man of your dreams?It is unfortunate that you are having a baby together as what would be best for you is to cut him out your life and aim much higher for someone who will treat you like you are their world but at this point you have a bigger focus and that is to be the best mum you can be. Look after yourself and your child, I hope you are no longer doing any drugs too.Your child deserves a father figure who will love it and its mum unconditionally and this man is not him. He must have access to his child and for this reason please remain friendly but I'd limit contact to hospital appointments and scans- he is not good for you and hopefully you'll heart will get over him in time for it to focus on your baby.Every person deserves someone to love them so hold out for your someone for your sake and your childs sake.Good luck xx
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