A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy in an online date app. He is frickin gorgeous! We talked for a few days and decided to meet up for lunch. The first few dates went fairly well, and we even kissed a time or two on the second. He seemed very interested.So, all texts between us are pretty choppy, because we are both really busy people. But he has explained to me that he will only respond when he wants to, and if people don't get a response, then he doesn't want to talk to them.After meeting up for the second date, all correspondence slowed down a bit, on both ends. I invited him to go swimming with me so that we could get to know each other better, and I never got a straight answer from him.I let it go, and decided not to text him for a few days. After almost 2 days of silence, I broke it and wished him a good day at work. After a few short and choppy texts, I totally messed up! I was having a really down day, and sent probably the stupidest message of my life!!Verbatim: "So... I'm guessing my odds are pretty limited so I'm not gonna try anymore.. I do kinda like you, so if anything changes there... hit me up"Is there any way to recover, or is it worth it?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2012):
 NOT worth it.. let it go. he already had made it clear he was not feeling it like you were...
A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (21 June 2012):
Honestly, take it from someone who's been there, if a guy, as you say, doesn't give you a straight answer when you ask him out, the answer is 'no'. Think what you'd do if you were asked out by someone you like:
A} Ideally, you'd be happy and definitely not miss the chance to meet him, answering yes.
B} You could unfortunately be really busy -let's say you've got an important exam coming up or are closing a project at work-, thus you'd say something along the lines of 'sorry, I really wish I could, but right now I'm deadly busy- how about we reschedule this and meet [/next weekend/next week] instead?"
C} You could be one of those idiots who think playing hard to get to the extreme is the way to keep a guy interested, thus not see him.
See where I'm going with this? He's either stupid enough to play games and with fire -which is unlikely, given this is something some women tend to do more often- or, and this is the likely scenario, he's not interested. There's nothing to recover here, because there's most likely nothing from his side. Drop him, NOW, and don't beat yourself for having asked him to go swimming and for that last text you sent him- it was an honest mistake, really, one we all make at some point.
This guy sounds just like a self absorbed jerk who did not even have the guts to tell you straight that, for whatever reason, and there could be a million, he wasn't interested/wasn't interested anymore. Hell, he didn't even have the decency to give you a straight answer to your invitation. Why in the world would you want a coward who is not able to talk you honestly, even when asked? You surely can do better than this immature thing.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (21 June 2012):
I suggest you let it go, OP, and also that you try not to fret too much over it. The fact that he wouldn't give you a straight answer when you invited him to go swimming, that the communication slowed down after the second date, and that he flat out said he only responds when he wants to are all red flags. This guy is simply not worth the time and effort of chasing after him. He's playing the field and keeping his distance. I see the same behavior from women I date, and that's when I hit the eject button and move on myself.
I would look at it this way - you might regret sending that text, but perhaps it was how you really feel deep inside. Your intuition was telling you that he isn't that interested, maybe because he's always got options, so you got out before putting too much energy. If you hear back from him then fine, but that probably won't happen.
Best of luck!
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