A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Me and my boyfriend have some problems in our sex life as well as the relationship.We have different sex drives, I am higher and he is lower. And because of that every time we argue he uses sex to punish me. He would not have sex with me for two weeks or a month and say that is a punishment.Or he wouldn't give me heads because he knows I like it. Same thing apply in our relationship. When we argue, he'd say he won't sleep with me tonight, he won't give me my birthday present or valentine's present. Or he simply would have dinner separately. I still like him but this is making me sick.During certain of time in this relationship I would not be willing to show what I want personally, due to the fact that I am afraid he will use it to punish me. But sex is already lacking I guess sometimes I can't hide my frustration. I am staying in this relationship because I still love him and some other reasons, but I just hate his punishing act. Is there any way to gain control or to not get trapped in this punishing game?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Yeah, people are always so quick to tell others to dump the one they love. If you're asking, it's probably because you still care about him.
Don't focus so much on the punishment, focus on the motives. Discuss them and work them out. It's clearly his fault so he'll have to make an effort to stop arguing with you and communicate better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): Personally I'd dump him, but if you aren't inclined to go that route then get yourself a good vibrator and break it out the next time he tries to withhold sex from you ;)
Good luck
xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 December 2010):
How interesting. I've heard of women using lack of sex as a punishment, threatening not to buy presents and such, and even eating alone.
But I can honestly say that this is the first time I've ever heard of a man doing it!
I'll give you the same advice - basically, it's emotional blackmail and you should NEVER allow it. If there are problems in a relationship, the a couple should talk them through. The moment they start issuing 'punishments', such as sex bans and threatening not to buy presents and all that, then the relationship just becomes about control.
My advice is to dump this loser and find an actual man. Your boyfriend is a Primadonna through and through. You shouldn't let someone blackmail and bully you this way. A man who treats this badly now will only treat you even worse in the future.
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