A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello :) This guy really likes me and he even said "I love you" to me and I'm actually really into this guy. We started off really good friends and we found that we have a lot in common. We actually tried dating and it lasted for 7 months but a lot of things came between us. But we went back to being close friends. But nothing's changed between us. Like we still talk as if we're still a couple and the things that came between us seems non existent. And the thing is, he didn't want to leave me, and we made this mutual decision. And so far it is working out pretty well. Like we feel comfortable not having that "in a relationship" status. We're 15 turning 16 soon. I know we're pretty young. NO sex going on. Just hugs and kisses.. Please don't judge me. Anyways, I am a little worried that my parents may find out about this. I have to hide this from my parents, I know it isnt good but I don't feel comfortable telling them because they would think I'm too young and all. I go to an international school and I'm pretty westernized due to that.I am Chinese and my parents have the typical traditional thinking. I really need some advice on how to deal with this. Should I just keep it this way? because even just mentioning to them I like someone, they seem to blow up and get mad and lecture me and sometimes threaten me with consequences. So I'm pretty scared. The last time I asked a question here, people were really mean. So I need some considerate answers please?. It will really be helpful. thank:) x Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I can't imagine any aunts or uncles treating you 'mean' maybe they didn't tell you what you wanted to hear but I;ve yet to see a mean response on this site even though some deserve it. My take is that if you two really have the proper deep feelings for on another, you'll get through this issue of secrecy just fine. I know it's frustrating but respecting your parents shows great character so keep it up until the situation presents itself to tell them all about your love life. I have a feeling they know more than you think right now. Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): I asked this question anyways... My parents know him as my friend. I don't spend like a lot of hrs with him. We usually hang around in school after school to talk about our day. We usually go on group dates for like movie or bowling. We are both making sure that we do well in our studies. That's our priority. When we study, we make sure we're not distracted by one another. All problems have been solved. Well, I've tried like hinting to my parents about this before.. But like even at hinting they gave me a lecture.. So Yeahhh and instead I spoke to my brother about this. I actually don't wanna hide but even JUST hanging out with a guy-friend can make them kinda like uneasy and they would give me another talk... It's pretty complicated I guess???
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 When posters , particularly teen posters, complain they got " mean " answers, very often what they intend is, they did not get to hear what they wanted to hear.
So I guess that you'll find my answer mean too:
I am not Chinese, and I am not even traditional thinking.
Nevertheless , I think yor parents are right, 15 is too early to be dating.
Unless in cases of exceptional maturity, it only makes for detracting energies from school and other more worthwile pursuits ( friendships, sports, cultivating talents .... ), it stirs up a lot of annoying, unnecessary drama, and it often leads to premature, underage sex with some times dire consequences.
I COULD be persuaded to let an intelligent, responsible 15 y.o child of mine date if :
1) they had already proved to me that they have a good head on their shoulders, so they won't get too carried away with the " relationship " , and won't spend lots of energies in stupid bickering with their partner, jealousy, insecurities, tears ... drama, like I said
2 ) I could trust them to tell me the truth and to confide in me if there's a problem
3 ) They would agree to let me meet their date right away so I could get an impression ( yeah I know that seeing / being introduced to a person does not mean KNOWING how they really are. But at least you assess if they look clean, are decently well mannered , seem respectful to my child, this type of stuff )
4 ) By dating they would mean mostly hanging out in group, with other people their age, with the occasional movie date, or sports game date ,or something , on their own, providing they are always scrupolous in telling where they are and in respecting curfews .
In your case, if I suspected or found out that you have been making a fool out of me , going behind my back, and feeding me lies for 7 months !... eh no, I'd be livid, and I'd take it at a sign of disrespect, untrustworthiness, and also immaturity on not beig able to resist instant gratification ( " I want what I want when I want it,- and screw mom, dad and everybody else ).
I am not saying I'd put you under lock and key till 18 but ,almost... - yes, you'd be in the doghouse for quite a while and it would take a LOT of effort from you to make up for this .
It seems to me that basically you have already decided to keep hiding from your parents, and that you are not going to try neither OBEYING them nor persuading them with words...in this case, what do you want us to say ?, other than maybe : watch your step, if your dad catches you , you are going to see Chinese fireworks.
Another thing , you have " tried " dating for 7 months and you could not keep it going because there were issues :
So, are the issues been solved by now ? What has changed in the meantme ?, and made the situation more manageable ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): Hiding things from your parents is a very bad practice. When they find out, they will punish you and they will not trust you. If you are being good friends with the boy, and there is nothing happening you shouldn't be doing, there is nothing to hide.
They should know about him, he shouldn't be a secret. How would you explain things if they find out by accident?
Strict parents usually become more flexible when they know they can trust you. If you hide things, you'll lose trust and they will be angered. I don't think they would deny you a friend.
Just make sure you don't spend all your time with only him. You must have other friends, then you can include him among them. Then it will look as innocent as it is. Hiding makes it look as though you're doing something wrong.
Don't sneak around to see him, or they could find out and ground you.
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