A
female
age
36-40,
*pan dangles
writes:I need advice. I split with my boyfriend of a year a couple of months ago and flitted between getting back together and then not doing so. (I was going through a big depressive episode a and he was finding me difficult.) I also kissed someone while we were broken up.Two days ago he text me to ask how I was (I'm having a lot of problems at home) I ended up going round to his, we spent the night happy and talking. At one point we both cried. We slept cuddling all night and when I had to leave early for my docs appointment he wouldn't let go of me and asked me repeatedly not to leave. I do not doubt for one minute that he loves me.But later on in that day he said to me that he loves me still, and wants to be with me, but doesn't want to want to be with me and that he can't trust me so we can't be together. How do I fix this?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Go with WiseOwlE
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I agree with WiseOwlE.
YOU HAVE to put yourself and your health first. Which means you NEED to sort out YOUR problems, before jumping into or back into the dating.
IT IS nice to have someone there to support you when you are down, but if they can't DEAL with your depression and let's face it IT CAN be really hard to deal with other people's depression and hardship, no matter how much you love them. But your Ex-BF can't handle it, he has shown that already. And the best thing you CAN do right now is let him go. Don't end up in some ridiculous FWB situation with him in hopes that he will reconsider. Sleeping with him will NOT magically fix the issues that broke you two up or your own issues.
So WORK on yourself. Put yourself first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): You have problems you must take care of, and those problems are causing your depression. He isn't helping you by confusing you. Tell him, that you need time to deal with your problems. When he feels he can be helpful, he is always welcome to let you know. If he feels he can't trust you, then he has to work on that. You have to work on getting well. You would appreciate his support; and that will help you to get well quicker.
You must take all the time you need for healing. Trying to deal with your personal family issues and your relationship may be too much on you all at once. Put yourself first.
Your family problems are making you ill, so if you need a time-out for healing, take it. Stop letting your boyfriend and your family crush you. Take time for yourself and focus on getting better. You can't fix your relationship until you've fixed yourself. You are not well enough to handle all these things at once. So deal with them one at a time and leave yourself breathing room. Even a long-distance runner has to stop and take time for a stretch, and to catch her breath. Then get back into the race.
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