A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all. Having some trouble at the moment. Me and this girl had been together for 7 months, I had felt something I'd never felt before. She ended it in August and the reasons I got didn't feel very legitimate and still don't. I feel like I haven't done anything wrong and I've tried talking to her since then in September and she didn't have any other reasons. All the reasons she gave me are just crushed by what I have to say about it. However now we're in November. I thought I could get over her. It's been 100+ days and I still think about her everyday. I lack motivation to do a lot of things. We're in the same friendship group so I find it hard been around her and stuff mainly because it makes me feel bad and I also don't want for her to censor what she has to say when I'm there. I want her to be happy and feel natural and me being there I don't want for the opposite to happen. I don't understand why I haven't been able to get over her. I don't think she'd ever take me back/fall for me again. So I really don't know where I go from now? It's like I have no other options and I can't stop feeling this way. I try to keep my mind occupied and the last week I felt slightly better but this week I've gone back downhill. I'm wondering is there any way I can get over her and what should I do? Also is there any hope that she'd ever come back or is that just a dream?I can't really talk to her about it now as the time has gone and she thinks I'm over her. I have to pretend like I feel okay and I find that hard. I don't want her to know how I feel because I don't want her to feel bad as a result because I think she knows what she did was wrong.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 You need to start by being honest with yourself and those around you about how you're feeling. It's fine if you're not over it. It's fine if you're not comfortable around her. It's ok for her to know that.
You shouldn't be talking to her about these problems. It doesn't matter to her anymore and whatever reasons you think her excuses are lame for the breakup don't matter either. She wasn't happy and ended it. That's all that really matters in the end. It would be nice if people could be clear about what they are feeling, but sometimes they don't know either. If you don't feel you were at fault for anything, then take that forward into future relationships until you learn differently.
Do not hold out for her to come back. If she was going to, she would have. Besides, it's best this way. Once a couple breaks up, whatever rift it was that caused the break will come back. It generally causes a cycle of making up and breaking up.
Alright, what does all this mean? I think you should tell her you're not over her, and that you're trying to work on it, but you may not be yourself around her for a while yet. You may want to tell your friends too, so that they'll understand what's going on. I think you should focus on yourself and maybe seek the help of a councellor to talk through your feelings and possibly get some coping strategies as well.
With all problems, the more you dwell on them, the more overwhelming they become. Pick small pieces to work on so you can see your progress. Good luck.
A
female
reader, RawrAngelar. +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Honey, at the end of the day, it's you who should matter the most. You feel so strongly for her, you hsould honestly tell her, think about it, you like her for a reason, and youve been with her for seven months, im sure she'll be understanding and okay with what you say, and you never know, what if she feels exactly the same way? And you miss out on being happy again? :(
xxx
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