A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so, this guy and I have known each other for 3.5 years. I'm 23 he's 21. I'm his second oldest friend because he has Avoidant Personality Disorder. We recently had a big fight and had to work it out. We got everything all worked out and over the course of the summer him and I have been getting really super close. We talk and text every day. It's crazy how much alike we are. Now I don't believe in soul mates and all that other stuff. But we finish each others thoughts and sentences, we think of the same things at the same time and end up texting each other at the exact same time throughout the day. (And I'm not talking about once or twice, I'm talking about all the time. Really weird.) Basically we are always on the same wavelength, and I mean always. Here's the thing though, back when we talked stuff out he told me he could never love me... like unconditionally love me. He doesn't know I've been in love with him already for a year and half. When we first met I asked him out and he never called. Now that we are like best friends I don't want to ruin anything by telling him. We say "I love you" to each other now and then too. Last new years we made out too. He was a little more drunk than I thought so I felt horrible. Here's the deal. A week from today we are planning on partying together at a friends house. Drinking and smoking. Well, he texted me drunk tonight paranoid that everyone wants to use him. He's recently been talking to me about this girl he's been in love with. She is manipulating him and using him now and he's getting sick of it. She's stringing him along while dating another guy. He now comes to me and confides in me everything he's always been holding in about this girl. And he tells me I'm the only one he can really talk too. I realize this is the classic sign of a friendzone but he said tonight that he was afraid I would use him at this party we are having next week. I told him I would never do that. I would never kiss him drunk again or without his permission. He replied with he would kiss me drunk or sober but he's afraid it would ruin what we have... although it would just be two friends "getting their rocks off." I was so surprised that he said this. I thought maybe he would push me away again if I tried to kiss him, but apparently not. This may be a shot in the dark - and I realize what he said that he could never love me. But is there ANY way I could turn this around with us? Should I kiss him at this party (if he doesn't get too drunk)? Is there anything I can do to maybe make him see me... like truly see me? He always wants what he can't have. And he is always going on about how he wants someone who is almost exactly like him and has admitted that I'm the most like him out of everyone he knows. My head is telling me it's lost let it go but my intuition says "wait." Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.
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female
reader, Mint93  +, writes (28 July 2013):
Hello,
What I would say is wait and see if her breaks it off with this other girl. You wouldn't want something to happen at this party and then for him to go back to her.
Most importantly I guess you have to ask yourself, just how important is your friendship? Do you want to risk it. Risk the chance of not texting and talking everyday?
I understand that this is a difficult decision but it is one you should be making sober not drunk at a party.
Good luck and keep me updated :)
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