A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, i've tried different methods to meet women both online and in personal but i keep failing, will my luck improve at some point in time or am i doomed to live to be old and alone? is there any hope for me to make sure this doesn't happen? I'm a 25 year old. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): are you implying you haven't had a girlfriend yet?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2015): Stop trying to connect. It hurts when I do this...then stop doing that.
You are trying to make a women want you, instead of just enjoying the company of women. You are not a hunter, and women are not prey. We get dozens of posts claiming they can't connect with the opposite, or same, sex.
Mostly because people are too nerdified by technology, refuse to mix and mingle with people in general, don't get away from their video games/devices, shyness makes them socially-awkward; and/or they are too demanding, and insist on getting what they want when they want it.
Stop pressuring yourself to snag a woman; and just try talking to them until you're comfortable with that.
You may not be all that great looking; so you have to use your charms. If you are really great looking, maybe you lack a personality to back it up. You develop personality by being around good people. Offer your free time helping people in need. It brings out the best in everybody.
If you're great-looking and weird; you'd be taken for a serial-killer like Dexter. So tone down habits you know put people off. Nervous chatter, sweating, or shaking. Starring is the worse one of them all! I know most of the OP's like you who claim they can't connect are too nervous, try way too hard, and scare women. The minute a women looks their direction, they go overboard trying to make her a girlfriend. Coolness rules. Just chill, dude!
All it takes in general is being naturally charming. I was kidding earlier; because I adore nerds. So don't be insulted; if I described you to a tee. I tend to be very intuitive.
I think you try too hard, get uncomfortable when things don't go your way, and that makes women uneasy around you.
You may need to update your style, or dress more age-appropriately. If you have boyish ways and hobbies; don't reveal your childish tendencies to strangers. Let them out little by little. Let your personality grow on a lady you've just met. Moreover, you should stop worrying about connecting, and just relax and let nature take it's course. If people like you, they like you; if they don't they don't. Rejection does end the game. You change the game plan and strategy, in order to win the next time.
If it doesn't work, stop doing it.
No, the internet isn't much different from meeting women face to face. It goes well upon introduction online; but eventually you will have to meet them. It's just a more concentrated school of fish in a barrel; and you'll throw more back then you'll ever catch. Most are waiting for a handsome rich guy to come along, sweep them off their feet, and tell them they're beautiful, wonderful, and perfect (even if they're not); and he wants to get married in six months. Then text them a thousand text messages a day telling them how wonderful they are. Excuse me while I find a bucket. If that's what you've met. Don't give up. That's just the first layer. Keep going.
It takes time to find a match. Sometimes a life-time. It may be tomorrow. It happens when it happens. Not on demand, my friend.
Most haughty-taughty snarky people on the internet aren't as important as they've convinced themselves they are. Their profiles are who they wish they were; hardly who they are. Don't let pics fool you either. They may be gorgeous, but there's a psycho under that pearly-white smile standing under the Eiffel Tower. That may not be the type a sensitive and shy fellow like yourself should even consider.
So if you've failed doing everything you've done; try a different method. Many of my single lady friends are very distraught about the types they've met, or how they are treated. So talk to women and learn what they're about. You may be just going after the wrong type for you. Don't listen to crazy stuff; and try to be what they describe they want in a guy, if it isn't you. Move on, that's a true sign you're not her type; if you must entirely reinvent yourself to please her. Or, spend a lot of cash to impress her.
You're far too young to give up. Just because you don't have a girlfriend, doesn't mean you can't connect. You just haven't found the right one for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 August 2015):
 Have you tried to join groups? Like hobbies? Find local groups that do things you enjoy. Go met people, socialize, have fun and take some of the "pressure of having a partner" off yourself.
It will happen, but YOU have to actively be involved. There won't be a girl showing up at your door ready to date you.
Do you work? Or are you still in school? If it's the latter, you should have many opportunities to join groups through school.
Taking care of yourself and your appearance can also help, not just in meeting people but in making you feel a bit more confident.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 August 2015):
 Meeting online is a waste of time..nothing good can come of it to fall for empty words on a screen. In person is easy, just walk up and say hi! The conversation will evolve
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015): at 25 years old you are exactly what females want.Why not do what usher did..apparently he decided he wasnt attractive enough and got down the gym to tone up , he also learned to sing and dance and the rest is history.clever guy!!He knew women throw themselves at popstars so he became one..so taje a hint from him,buff up down the gymn and develop smething about you that women admire like playing sports or anything useful at all..this all helps for the superficial pull ..which is all you are after for now..if you want to meet someone special to settle down with you only need to click with one person for that and all the rest can go to hell, because out there is a woman who only wants to meet one special guy and you will meet her when the time is right..for now ,the rest can be associates.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 August 2015):
Relax. There’s no reason why you are destined for a life alone because you’ve not made a connection yet. You are only young, hollow though I know that may seem as a consolation at the time. The truth is, persistence pays. If you’re being friendly, having a social life and really trying to meet people, you are doing all you can to form friendships with the potential to become a relationship. Try to appear confident, engage in conversation and show an interest. I would also say, hard as it is, that you should try and focus just on meeting and getting to know people, not always be wondering whether every woman might be the one. That way, by not filling yourself with anxiety-provoking thoughts about the next 20 years every time some-one says hello, you will both be more relaxed and appear as such. But keep going, keep trying.
I wish you all the very best.
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