A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone help?I have had a flirty relationship with my 1st cousin since we were kids, an i really think a lot of him an enjoy his company. We have often joked that if he wasn't my cousin then we might be together as a couple, because thats how flirty we were together?I lost his friendship though and his respect about 6 wks ago when he found out i were in a sexual relationship with our cousin (mine an his 1st cousin) he turned on me angry an said "all that between me an you an i find out ya F**KIN our other cousin" I'm devistated that i have lost him compleatly as I had no idea that he felt that strongly about me, i thought he were just joking around with me tbh all these yrs. (im 34 an he is 29) All of my cousins have turned against me but tbh i dont care about the rest of them, all i care about is losing my main cousins respect an friendship, but i thought he always knew it would only ever be flirting because we grew up together. Our other cousin i never grew up with, so i never thought of him as my cousin tbh, but he did grow up with our other cousin an i think thats why he found it such a betrayal? (im still in this relationship with my cousin, an we have been together now since Jan '08) but on saying that we wasnt found out till March '08.I feel like i have lost his respect forever, is there anything i can do to get his respect back?Is there anything i can do to try an get him to talk about it to me, because since his found out he as ignored me compleatly?Any help on this would be great.....thanks in advance for trying.....xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi, the answer to all of the questions asked are yes, i would of loved a relationship with my flirty cousin (as you put it) but because we were so close an knew each other so well i thought it would just complicate things. Plus he were on an off in a relationship to a woman that in my opinion were wrong for him.
I do love my flirty cousin an i often thought about what he would be like to kiss properly, but i never once thought that he felt stronger towards me. We had loads of time on our own an not once did he try an make a move (an belive me he aint the shy type)mind you on saying that the only indication i had were about a wk befor he found out. i asked him how he felt about me because we were at a family get together both my cousins were there, the one im with an the flirty one. My flirty cousin had been giving me the eye all night an had even lightly kissed me a couple of times (but i thought nothing of it at the time, not with how flirty we always were) when i asked him by tx how he felt about me? the reply i got back were really unexpected, he replied (by tx) you will have to wait till we are on our own so i can either show you or tell you how i feel, that were all he would say as he gave me a smile an looked into my eyes. it made me quite nervous as it were an answer i never ever expected off him.
the cousin that im with now tried to tell me that my flirty cousin fancied me but tbh i thought it were just him being jelous?
let me know if you need to know more, an thanks everyone....
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): I don't understand why you would have rejected your other cousin if you were both flirty with each other. You said you were so flirty with each other that if you hadn't been related, you and him would have probably been a couple. Most people are usuall attracted to people they are flirty with it and think about having sex with them. So I'm confused why you would not've had a relationship with him since you had been flirty with each other since you were kids. Did you not ever at least think or fantasize about having sex with that cousin?
Maybe I'm not understanding something, but it doesn't make sense to me how you could be flirty with some guy for so long, think a lot of him, and enjoy his company that you would not think about a relationship with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, ive been asked by a reader how my relationship started? Me an my cousin talked about fancying ppl an my cousin said that he thought I were lovely an when i said i felt the same, it just went on from there.
I should answer the nxt question that if the cousin thats mad at me had asked me out would i of accepted? Tbh no i dont think so, the reason for this is because i grew up with that cousin so if i went with him it would of been like being with a brother, too familer. But the cousin im with now i didnt grow up with him an never saw him for 15yrs.
If anyone needs to know anymore pls do ask? An many thanks to the lady who asked these questions as the advice you are speaking makes a lot of sence....x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): It sounds to me like you have done your best to try and convince your cousin to still talk to you. But, judging his reaction finding out about your relationship, it sounds like he is jealous of the cousin you're in a relationship with. So the best thing to do know is move forward. It's really not your problem, it's the cousin who's mad at you who has the problem. Who is he to tell you how to run your life? And if wanted a relationship wtih you, he should've approached you about it.
Which leads me to my next question: how did the relationship with the other cousin get started? Did you and him talk about it and agree to date each other? Or was it the result of a sexual experience that just happened? Also, if the cousin who is mad at you now had asked you to have a relationship with him, would you have agreed to it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, mite i add that im not dating both cousins. An the cousin that i have lost means a lot because of the friend he as always been to me, an because we were always together as kids.
I cant talk to my cousin an ask him to meet me as i have already tried this an i have bin told he aint intrested an he dont want to know. Now he even ignores my calls. I have tried telling him that i didnt want to hurt him or knew that he would take it so bad, but i dont think he belives me?
Also its not against the law to be with or marry ya cousin. The royals do it an some religions demand it! Its not incest or dirty or summit to be ashamed of. I love my cousin an he loves me, an we plan to stay together. As i said im just sorry its at the cost of my older cousins friendship because he meant/means a great deal.
Strangly he hasnt stopped speaking to the cousin im with, his only stopped talking to me, i dont know why?
I did try asking him when all this come about if it were because he fancied me himself an he were hoping that one day we would get it together but all he said was "all this between me an you an then i find out ya F**KIN one of our other cousins" he sounded really hurt an his answer cut through me like a knife.
My cousin im having a relationship with as said to just leave him to come round to the idea himself. Tbh i dont spoze i got much choice in the circumstances seen as how he wont even talk to me. My cousin as tried having a word but he just gets told to drop it as he aint intrested?
any1 else know what else i can do? or will i be better leaving him to come round by himself?
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female
reader, Miss sunshine  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 first of all, stop fooling around with cousins! there are plenty of men out there!! about your cousin you can say you are sorry and cut with the other cousin too. just find a guy that's not related to you or didnt grew up together! and show your cousin how important he is to you.. good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): I read this question and all I can say to myself is "Why is she with her cousin in the first place?"I am not trying to judge you but you should understand that you shouldnt be dating your cousins, especially your FIRST cousin. It is normal that you will have so much in common with a cousin or a brother, you are RELATED. I apologize if I am being rude but I think you should consider widening the gene pool. That might help ease the tension with your family if you are not dating family.As for your cousin that is upset with you, you need to talk to him. Call him and and try to meet in person. Tell him that you love him (because he is family) and that you wish to have him a part of your life. Tell him that you never wanted to hurt him and if you knew this would bother him so much than you might have not made the same decisions as you have. This is just too complicated.....why are you dating your cousins?
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