A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just a quick question, dearest Aunts. (:I was casually seeing a guy I was very interested in, and was adamant to myself that I was going to hold out a long time before I slept with him, but one night I slipped up, I just couldn't help myself! Now I think he has probably lost respect for me, and just assumes I'm easy like all the other girls, and not worth taking seriously.Is there any way to get a guy's respect back after slipping up, or giving yourself to him too soon? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Respect is earned over time. Whether you have sex early on in a relationship or hold out till the guy is starved for it has little to do with respect in a mature relationship.Easy doesn't mean you aren't respectable. Hard to get into bed doesn't mean you are.Also I have to agree with a prior poster, don't lie about your past, this is a big mistake that people make. If you want to lose all the respect anyone has for you, and that you have for yourself, then start lying. That will do it quicker than any sex act. My wife lied to me when we met and got involved, about her past, and then I turned out to be Mr. Wonderful in her eyes, and she married me, had kids with me, and made a life with me.Nearly 20 years later, after feeling awful about the lies about her past prior to meeting me, and the subsequent lies to cover up the prior lies, she finally had to come clean...because it was killing her psychologically...and that was ruining our marriage.
A
male
reader, Problem.helper  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Yes there is tell him why you did it so soon. But why do you think you lost his respect towards you ?
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A
female
reader, heather016  +, writes (3 June 2011):
When you give away too soon, deal breaker.
Source: Experience
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): What really hurts your chances is not so much that you screwed HIM that quickly. The problem is that you've led him to assume you have also screwed other guys that quickly too. He won't mind it if he thinks it's an isolated incident just with him.
But I also don't advocate lying about your past either. If you DO have a habit of sleeping with some guys right away then I think you shouldn't try to convince him differently. Let him make up his own mind about whether he wants to be with a GF with your habits or not. It might cost you this guy but it will make relationships work easier in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Do you actually know if he lost respect for you? First question to ask yourself.
What I would advise is that you call him up and talk about that night....let him know that you would like to apologize because for you that was not meant to happen....you are not an easy girl and you respect yourself too much to do sleep with someone so quickly, but it was a moment of weakness.
And then hear what he says....he could very well say no reason to apologize and let you know that you does not think of you in any other way but respectful.
You will only know if you communicate.
Be Blessed
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (3 June 2011):
 You earn the respect of others by how you conduct yourself consistency. In otherwords, he needs to see you respect YOURSELF before he feels the need to.
What do you want? A boyfreind? A lover? Not to feel guilty about too much, too soon?
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (3 June 2011):
Setting an arbitrary time limit for sleeping with someone is un-natural- you're best off seeing how things go and acting accordingly. And if it felt like the right thing to do, (and it was obviously a mutual thing), then I suggest you simply see how things are with him, without feeling guilty. I've had a few LTRs myself (several years each)which started off pretty quickly, so don't feel ashamed of yourself because you haven't done anything wrong. Any guy who doesn't respect a girl simply because she slept with him whether sooner or later is an imbecile, and unworthy of ever sleeping with a woman again as long as he lives!!
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