A
male
age
30-35,
*owler1989
writes:I'm still madly in love with my ex-girlfriend.We had an amazing relationship, with a few problems, but nothing that time couldn't fix (we're only 21)However, I screwed up way too many times.The first offense was in may 2009I e-mailed a person on craigslist under the casual encounters area, describing these strange and nasty things i wanted to do with them...my girlfriend and i weren't fully on that level of comfort where i could experiment with her. I never had any intention of following through on this (it wasn't even a real person i e-mailed)but my girlfriend saw it. She freaked out, she had no idea where those gross things came from, but we were able to move on from it.The second offense...march 2010She went through my phone and found out I got fired from my job because a guest at the hotel i worked at had claimed that i had sexually harassed them (grabbed their butt). The conversation was between my co-worker and we were talking about how crazy people are at the hotel, and that it was a ridiculous claim.The truth is, i did. and she wouldnt stop asking me about it until i finally told her the truth.The third offense...may 2010She was upset and explained to me that if i moved away (transferring colleges) it wouldn't work out. I was upset, got really, really drunk with my friends, went home and started dirty talking with another girl in my class...my girlfriend logged into my facebook later that night and saw the entire convo. I don't even remember the conversation, but the girl thought i was just joking.The fourth offense july 2010I was downtown with my buddies, getting drunk. my friends ditch me and i run into her co-workers. I buy them drinks because i dont know where my friends went, and then they turn the bar into a dance club. i dance with her co-workers, by this time really drunk and then we share a cab...they get dropped off and i go back to my house...her co-worker told my girlfriend what happened and claimed that i begged to go home with them...i don't ever remember that.After the 3rd offense, my girlfriend was in serious doubt of our relationship. she would say that we aren't together and that she is single, but her actions were completely opposite, and would act like we were dating as usual...she just couldn't let go of me because we were so in love.I moved away in the middle of august, and I had flights booked for every other weekend to come down and see her.The first visit was great, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? it set an incredible tone for how the following visits would go.the second visit, before i came down i saw a conversation she was having with a personal trainer we both knew at the gym we used to go to. She was making plans to get dinner with him, and would ambiguously refer to me as "someone" and how she couldn't hang out with him because "i have to pick someone up from the airport...boo"I was pissed, and confronted her about it. she upheld her point that we were not dating, and it set an awful mood for my visit. Everytime i would get upset, and distant, she would be more affectionate to me.She was texting him the whole time I was there, and I wasn't so sure what to do about it...so i didn't do anything.2 weeks later I was supposed to fly down to see her again...a day before the flight she seems less than excited to see me, and then she cuts off our relationship completely.then about a week and a half after i find out they are having sex already...I feel like she just left me and replaced me with this guy...it's been 5 weeks now and we haven't talked.so my questions are...does this sound like a rebound relationship?I know i messed up bad, but is there any possibility of us ever getting back together? This guy she's seeing now is 30 years old, and she's 21...do you think this will last?After events like this, my life has changed drastically, and this has certainly changed me as a person...i know what i did was wrong, but i've certainly learned from it.
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male
reader, howler1989 +, writes (11 November 2010):
howler1989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone,
thank you for the support and answers...I know I deserve to be called all kinds of mean things for the awful things i've done, but you are all better for looking past it and giving me true advice I can work with.
I will thoroughly consider all advice you have given and try my best to put it to use.
A
female
reader, RM24  +, writes (11 November 2010):
I'm actually experiencing the same situations from my ex-boyfriend as of yesterday because last night I saw things on his computer that I didn't want to see. He had many screw ups in the past and promised he changed and so we moved on. It's been a few months and I trusted him again but everytime I trust him, he messes it up. I still have feelings for him which is where the affection comes in place that she gives you. This guy is definitely a rebound, chances are it won't last and she's probably doing this with him to make herself feel better for what you put her through but as for you two..I think you should just move on. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. A relationship without trust is nothing and it will never work. My ex now screwed up more than my fingers can count, all very different situations but last night's situation was the same as previous ones and so I'm done. My heart can't take anymore and I know I won't trust him so I know were better off a part. I think you should do the same...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): I think you need to accept that relationship is over and concentrate on any issues you have. You say you've learnt from your mistakes and if that's true then great but make sure you have because people don't just change overnight and you don't want to be repeating the same mistakes and going through another break up because of it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 November 2010):
 I agree with the other posters. You really messed up and need to move on. Each offense you put another nail in your relationship coffin. If you talk to her sometime, I'd recommend you extending your best wishes and hoping she found someone who treats her as she should be treated, where you weren't doing that and extend your apologies for how you treated her, then leave it at that.
In the future think about emotions as being a bank account, you either make deposits by your actions, or you take withdraws. It sounds like you withdrew more that what you were depositing. When this happens, the mind calls it quits. As the other poster stated, "Your ex "may" have feelings for you, but she doesn't trust you." Can you blame her?
I recommend you remember what you learned, and keep bettering yourself and your relationship skills. If you did have a slight change, I don't think she'll return if you are the same playboy, grabbing butt at work guy that you were. Change yourself, because she knows you and will recognize those changes in you. Whether it's with her or with another gal, any changes you make will benefit either way.
I hope this helps, take care.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 What were the lessons you learned, out of curiousity?
If it is a rebound, it's a rebound with a guy she's known for a while and if he's a good trainer, he's reliable, he's able to focus entirely on one person, he's health conscious and probably doesn't get drunk too often, if at all.
If you were her father, and wanted to pick the best guy for his baby girl, which one sounds better to you? The old you or the trainer?
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (10 November 2010):
 This wasn't a "I screwed up once but can we rebound?" type of relationship. Unfortunately, and admittedly you screwed up. Many times in fact. Your ex "may" have feelings for you, but she doesn't trust you. And at this point she's got no reason to.
As dirtball said, you must move on from this. If you were to get back into a relationship with her it would be one out of comfort for both of you. You are both used to each other. But that's all. Otherwise, you will just continue along the same path and hot and cold.
On a side note, I'd focus more on your behavior and look to the future. I'm not trying to be judgmental here, I'm just pointing out the obvious from what you told us. I applaud you for being honest about your "offenses" but I would spend time correcting them in the future if you want to keep a serious relationship. Work on dealing with yourself, that way you can start fresh with a new girl in the future...
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Does this sound like a rebound?
Yes
Is there any possiblility of you getting back together?
Anything is possible, but realistically no.
Do I think they'll last?
Nope, but that doesn't matter. Take what you learned here into your next relationship. Key points I learned were that you shouldn't drink so much since you don't remember what you do. You have honesty issues as well as issues invading people's personal space.
You need to grieve this lost relationship and move on. She will not be coming back to you, and frankly she has little reason to want to. Rather than talk to her you solicited sex from others. If you were in her shoes, would you take you back? I wouldn't. Let the relationship be over. It wouldn't have ended if you BOTH had been happy.
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