A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Greetings Aunts!I am in a place I never expected to be, which is that I am involved with a married woman and have been for almost three years now.She is in my class at grad school. The way that our school works, the grad students matriculate as a cohort, which means that we take all the same classes together for three years. She is 12 years younger than I am and from England. She had just moved to the US not long before starting school. Maybe it was because she didn't know many people but she clung to me early on in class and I didn't mind because she is very a attractive blonde. We started hanging out after class at Starbucks and the like with the premise of studying together, which we did do. We became quick friends. She has a great personality and she is sharp as a tack. In my experience it is rare for a woman, especially a younger one, to hold her own intellectually with me. During our time together we learned a little about each other. I learned about her family and I told her about my career and the usual stuff. Her questions started to get more personal until one time she asked if I was married. I told her that I am not, but that I had a girlfriend which was the truth. I didn't ask her about her love life.That fall (school started in late August) she asked me if I wanted to go to a masquerade party for Halloween. I wasn't sure if she meant as a date or just if I wanted to go. I accepted either way. It sounded fun. At the party we had some drinks and ended up on a balcony watching the night sky holding hands and we ended up making out. Skipping forward, we eventually ended up sleeping together at a hotel. She was great in bed and I could not believe my good fortune to be with such a young, pretty, smart, sexy woman. My self-esteem was through the roof when I was with her and she told me how much she enjoyed my company, too. We dated like this for an entire school year, usually meeting to study at my place and then having sex afterwards - or meeting at a coffee house and then having sex in the car (mine or hers) - sometimes after a drive into the hills. One time she asked me if I wanted to see where she lived. Of course, I did, so I followed her from the coffee shop to her place. I met her little dog. She said she had a (female) roommate and that's why she could not have me over often for our trysts, but that her roommate was out of town. We made love in her bed and that's when she dropped the bomb shell on me, which is that she is happily married to an American man who travels a lot for work. The female roommate is true, too, but she and her husband share the master suite in the condo. She showed me pictures of her husband. I asked her why she would sleep with me if she was happily married and she told me some confusing and contradictory stories before asking if I had a problem with it. Well, I let my little head do the thinking and we had sex again. Truthfully, it was very exciting having sex with a married woman and when we have sex since we sometimes talk about her being married and a naughty girl as part of our foreplay (or even during sex). She tells me that I can have a girlfriend if I want to or even get married myself as long as we continue what we have. Well, like I said, it has been almost three years now. The relationship is getting deeper in many ways. We know each other so well. The sex is fantastic. I didn't know sex could be so good and frequent. I am just not sure where this could possibly lead seeing as she is married. I don't often ask her about her marriage. Sometimes she volunteers that she still has sex with her husband, but that she and I do things they would never do - adventurous things like sex in public. It can't be that often, because at this rate I am having sex with her about 5 nights per week. She did say that her husband doesn't know about us and would be angry if he found out. I know it's wrong to sleep with a married woman, but she is so willing and her being married adds to the thrill. Outside of bed we really get along, too. In many ways I feel like I met my perfect match. She told me that when she finishes her degree (in June) she will probably move back to England with her husband, but that I should come visit her there and she can show me around. I asked her if I was just her fling and she told me "What do you want me to be?" She said she enjoys my company in and out of bed, I am very special to her, and that that should be enough for me to know how she feels. Knowing all of this, what now? Do I ask her to leave her husband and stay here with me? Am I making something out of nothing? Should I just keep enjoying what we've got until she leaves?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): U really need to look deep within yourself and try to identify whether u possess any moral compass, whether the words "marriage, cheating, another mans wife, your gf, honour" mean anything to you.
U mentioned u have a gf. So what happened to her?
Yes its very exciting to do the deed with another mans house, defiling his bed but in all honesty u lack the morals that your married lover possesses as well.
I think u need a bit of your own medicine: yes ask her to leave her hb for you. Then u will see her true colours. Then u will see the real her. And when u do then u will realise the severity of your cheating ways.
Remember affair partners very rarely make spouses or very rarely make committed partners.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 No future, she is married
No future, she doesn't give a damn who you sleep with
No future, she is still with her husband after 3years of you
No future, she's planning on moving to England, she's planing a future with him not you.
Nope, it's not exciting with a married person, they is married and they usually never divorce, and you, the other man get's dumped or hangs around wasting time....
Ask what you like.. your wasting your time, she's married and she cheats on her husband... that's not going to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): If she hasnt left him by, now she wont ever leave him. I think you can ask her but be ready for a gaint "no"! Its easy to get caught up in her beauty and intellgence but in the end, you are the only one at loss! You deserve to be happy and to be with a women who devotes her precious time to you and only you! Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I have to agree completely with LovelessAct1. I know from experience - my ex-wife was engaged to and living with another man when I met her. I "stole" her away from him, and guess what? Seven years later I found out she was cheating on me!
My advice is to enjoy the sex, but if you're attached and thinking of a possible future with this woman then it is time to end it and move on. She will break your heart, there's no doubt about it. The only question is how long it'll take to happen. The longer you delude yourself, the worse it'll hurt in the long run.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (30 January 2012):
I can't be certain what the future looks like for you two, but remember this:
"If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you."
Don't be so deluded as to think the same thing that's happening to her husband won't happen to you someday.
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