A
male
age
30-35,
*letcher
writes:Is there any benefit to dumping someone before they do. I could tell my girlfriend wanted to break up but she wouldn't. I did it first but didn't really want to. Was this smart? I want her back. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, omihli  +, writes (19 March 2011):
the benefit to dumping someone before they do, as i see it, is that you protect your ego. Then some people use this as a threat, in order to manipulate and scare their partner when they feel he or she is not responding the way they should be according to your own needs and views. Either way it's fake and it's dangerous and definatelly not the right way to have it yourway for good. only temporarelly it actually works......
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 March 2011):
Hi there. It really depends on her reaction to you breaking it off with her.
If she genuinely seemed disappointed or even upset, well then perhaps she didn't want it to happen.
When you say you think she really wanted to break it off with you, but didn't do it, what reason do you have to reach that conclusion?
(1) Was she acting distant?
(2) Were you and her arguing a lot?
(3) Were you and her not speaking - like sulking over an argument, I mean.
(4) Was she starting to go out a lot on her own with her friends - like you think she might be looking around for someone else?
There must be something you can honestly say that makes you think that. For instance, did she mention the possibility of breaking up with you? Even if it was during an argument.
If none of these things ever happened, and your girlfriend has simply been a bit quiet - like she's thinking about things - well then, breaking up with you might not be what it was at all!
Perhaps she was thinking about other stuff. Maybe there is something you did or didn't do that upset her a bit, but instead of her telling you about it, she just kept it to herself and it became resentment.
If this is the case - and it is common in many relationships - undiscussed resentment can slowly poison a relationship and can spell the beginning of the end.
It could well be resentment on her part, you just never know.
And really, the only way you are ever going to find out, is to talk to her about it.
You may have read more into it than was actually there in the first place, and then you made an assumption and decided to break it off with her.
It's quite possible that your assumption was completely wrong! They usually are.
You need to get in contact with her somehow, you could call her on the telephone.
But before you do, just have a serious think about what you really do feel about the relationship generally. Whether you feel it was a good one, or whether it had some problems - and what those problems were. And if the problems were workable or without hope.
In any case, most issues within relationships can be properly discussed and worked through. A bit of give and take by both parties, is all that's needed.
While considering your next action, give yourself at least a week or two to properly look at it from all angles. After careful consideration, you might decide that you actually made the best decision after all. But only time will tell.
The most needed thing now is distancing yourself a bit. That way, you can be objective.
Then and only then, should you consider contacting her if you think it's worth it.
Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 The benefit to dumping is that you can beg to have the person back and see if they will forgive you. If you're getting dumped it's not like you chose to be single, so you have no leverage in that respect.
However, once the relationship is over you essentially stand at base 0 both of you, no one winning anything with who broke up first.
Lesson to you though: if you don't want a breakup then don't break-up either. Once the deed is done you can't go back. You can beg and plead, but once it's over its over. So no, it wasn't smart to end it if you didn't actually want it to end.
However, I've taken many of my ex's back after they dumped me, giving them second chances and third chances and fourth chances. The lesson I learned though is that .. once it's over it should STAY over. It ended for a reason. Getting back together only resulted in prolonging the inevitable: a breakup.
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