A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:ok, one of the girls in my friend group, so my friend, is lesbian, like she's said so, and come onto one of our other friends-who-is-a-girl.however, she has a boyfriend, also in my friend group. her boyfriend doesn't know she is, but like 90% of our 15 to 20 or so friends knows, from gossip and stuff.i know its bad, that we know, some of us who shouldn't, and are keeping it from her boyfriend, but we cant just TELL him, thatd be even worseso I need advice on what to do:do i tell the boyfriend?do i "get her" to tell the boyfriend?do i say nothing?do try and ask her to break up with him, stop "leading him on" if you will?i know its her life and her decision to make, but I mean i feel wrong not telling him and even worse for making her feel potentially trapped by her secret. i just want this all to be ok again, i have nothing against anyone of any sexual orientation, but this situation is hurting her, her boyfriend, and our group. please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): It's a tough call. It is not YOUR business. But then, you are seeing something very dishonest and deceitful. You could call "Cheaters" and blow up the whole affair! Hahaha. But seriously, if I were you, I would either send him an ANONYMOUS letter on paper. OR I would just stay out of it. It is VERY clear that those girls do NOT want to include any men in this. Most women having lesbian sex don't want men in it. Not to watch. Not to be involved. Women want their privacy and have fun, and they don't want any sausage in it. (This is something guys are too stupid to understand or respect). But she should have told him she wants to have girlfriends or she should have broken up with him. But it is wrong to selfishly sneak relationships behind anyone's back. Especially if he is being faithful to her. IS HE? Hmmmmm. If you don't know, then just stay out of this one. SO yes, you are RIGHT that what she is doing is sneaky and deceitful. But he should be keeping his eyes open and he will LEARN. If you go and talk to him, YOU will be called a "homewrecker" or "just jealous" even though you were trying to do the right thing. Trust me on this. The cheater ALWAYS plays the blame game instead of taking responsibility for what she's done to create this mess. She obviously loves sex with a girl and doesn't want him involved. This is the only way she can have that and keep him in her life. She needs to grow up and LEARN that you cannot have it like that unless EVERYONE involved agrees to it. Talk to HER and tell her that.
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Have you never heard the old saying its the messenger that gets shot?
If you tell him yourself it will come back on you, she will be mad at you, he will , your friends maybe angry to.
Also it is not your secret to tell, and it would be unfair on her, even though i totally understand what she is doing is unfair, if you told him without her permission.
I suggest you talk to her, nicely, and explain how you and other people feel and how unfair it is on him, but remember you can only try and help her you cant actually force her to tell him, hopefully she will see what is right though. hope this helps.
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