A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm curious what the singles scene is really like from a woman's perspective? After many years of being single, I got married recently so this is just out of curiosity.I know this can't be true, but it often appeared to me that women had it made. All a woman has to do go out to any bar and have men all over her, men flirt with her and try to get phone numbers constantly, etc. For us guys, we have to constantly put ourselves out there, try to get dates, etc., deal with getting turned down constantly, etc. Personally, I got very frustrated at times because I was looking for a serious relationship, but women tended to assume I was just trying to get into their pants.It's probably a little like putting 100 men and 100 women in a room and telling them to get together under the following rules: Men have to initiate everything, women have to turn down 9 out of 10 men that approach them, and every man has to keep trying until he succeeds. By the end of the night, every man and every woman finds someone, but their perspective on the situation would be much different. For men, they had to keep trying and trying and get turned down 9 out of 10 times. But, the women get to sit back and select one of the 10 men who approaches her.So, I realize it's no picnic for women either, and the 50-50 ratio (roughly) of men to women ensures neither gender has much of an "advantage" overall, but what's it really like to be a woman? Just curious, this is obviously not a serious issue.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (23 August 2012):
 Alright a woman's perspective. Bars suck. You have to do the approaching as a man, but as a woman you have to wonder if he just thinks you are a one night stand? Does he do this frequently with all women or is there something special about me? Also you can't choose who comes up to you. You can hope the hot guy across the room approaches and chats you up but end up stuck with the fat guy dressed in sweat pants. Then you need to be nice and say no, which does suck, rejection isn't fun for anyone. And to be honest since it is the bar scene I would pretty much reject anyone who seems too comfortable there, he could be picking up a different woman every week. It's like if he is good at trying to pick you up, he is a player and has done this before. If he is shy he probably does nothing.
I would say online it is much much easier to be a woman also. The ratio of men to women is very high. And an attractive women gets bombarded with 10 messages a day where as an attractive man still may get only one. I've heard all this from many men who have tried dating sites including my husband. The few times I tried it I found a date/boyfriend within a week, every time I tried it I just signed up for a free trial of a couple days because I knew it wouldn't take too long. Men need to accept it'll take months or longer and sign up for that. And in the case of online the man has to stand out more because she is getting so many emails at once.
I would say dating sucks more for men in general though because they have to pay (in normal situations and definitely on a date with me). I can't tell you how many first dates I tried and didn't like the person enough to pursue a relationship. I just wondered how many women and dates he had to pay for that ended the same way. So overall I would say men have it worse. But in looking for quality partners through all the crap we are equal. And I do not miss the single's scene AT ALL.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): i agree with anonnymous poster that men have wrong impression that women get asked on dates left and right. I m pretty, my girfriends are all pretty, and some of them didnt go on dates for ages.
i have one girlfriend who looks like she is an escort, fake boobs, enormous size, blond, heavy make up. she gets approached all the time, and we all know why.
Not all men are just brave enough to go for it. Many are on a shy side and need some kind of a signal.
no, its not easier to be a woman, plus, as Cerebrus said, we really need to be cautious who we go on a date with.
We have a hard time to find that special one especially in this age when sex is easily available, when the whole country talks about equality and how women need to pay for themselves their part.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): It's far easier for us guys dude, we get to choose the women we want to chat up, girls have to hope the right guy takes a shine to them and decides to chat them up, I mean you're old enough to know what it's like for women and what the most common type of guy who does the rounds chatting up girls in clubs and pubs etc. Can you imagine being a pub with drunken sleazy women coming over trying it on when all you want is a nice girl to come over with something else on her mind other than sex?
It's far harder for girls OP because they have to compete with the most beautiful ones for the attention of the guys worthy of dating. We have a massive advantage in terms of always having a chance with a girl we're attracted to because we're not exactly going to approach ugly ones. You also have to remember that almost every guy is really nice at the start and it's almost always impossible to tell straight away whether he's only after sex. Now you also to account for the fact that statistically right now 1/5th of all relationships at this moment in time consist of one partner, mainly the woman, being abused her significant other mentally, emotionally and/or physically then that means she has a one in five chance her guy being an abuser. Also remember that 1/4 of all women have suffered some form of sexual assault in their lifetime and that means 1/4 of the guys in this world have committed such an act, and may well be planning to to do such a thing on a date with them.
The main reason it's harder for girls OP is because the only way they find these things out is by actually dating this guy. As you well know an abuser for example can play the nice guy for a long time to get the girl hooked until he reveals his true self and then they're already so emotionally invested that they find it impossible to leave.
Remember we usually have a massive physical advantage over women so we never have to worry about being raped or beaten up. We don't have to worry about being with a woman who won't take no for an answer in the heat of the moment because we can just throw her out of our house. We don't have to worry about passing out drunk and being taken advantage of because they're very unlikely to find us erect.
I suppose the best way to make you understand how hard it can be for women to date OP is to imagine the advice you would give your daughter about what we guys are like and what kind precautions to take when out on the dating scene. There are a hell of a lot of things you want her to be cautious of isn't there? A hell of a lot of things she has to look our for in a guy and then the rest comes down to luck. Now think of the precautions you'd tell a son. They're a hell of a lot less and a lot less profound too aren't they?
Practically no worry about rape, no worry of physical abuse, no worry about being used for sex, etc.
Can women get guys easier than we can get girls, sure if they'll take and do anyone. But smart girls who want to protect themselves have to wade through a minefield of idiots and cross their fingers that this amazingly sweet guy doesn't turn into a an insecure, controlling, jealous, possessive abusive weirdo down the line.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): Reading this, I've just realised that I should be turning women away left, right and centre!
I'm mid thirties, good job, nice house, no baggage and I want to settle down and have kids.
I think we can all agree that dating/meeting people is not that easy for any of us. If it was half the posts on this website wouldn't exist!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): It can be extremely frustrating. Especially as you hit your 30's and guys your age prefer women younger in their 20's. Suddenly you realize that the playing field has shifted - in our 20's its easy. Women can date men their age, 30's and beyond. By 30 most younger guys are not interested in anything too serious and men our age prefer younger looking and more innocent women. So what's left? Occasionally "the one" who is our age maybe slightly younger OR divorces/perpetual bachelors in their 40's/50's who want some fun or have lots of baggage.
No, for women things don't get easier in dating - not once you hit a certain age and above. For younger girls 18-29ish the sky is the limit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): Ask a woman who has it easier in dating. She will probably say that men do.
Then ask that woman to describe exactly how men have it. She will probably describe the experience of the top most desirable men. Not the vast majority of men.
Women have a much easier time finding someone, anyone, than most men do. But the task of finding the right one is more equal.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 I agree with danceinthedark. its easier for men. the obvious thing is that men choose who they chat to. women don't get so much choice. men ask for phone numbers usually not women and the other thing is that 1/2 the men are at home watching football or playing computer games. the singles scene for women is go out there and look pretty while waiting for a nice man to chat to you while a bunch of boof heads keep asking you for sex. then if the right man does speak to you you have to be very entertaining and look extremely keen so he will ask for your phone number. if all that fails you have to wait for the next one. men have got it easy they just point and shoot. no harm in asking for a phone number.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 Scary.
Annoying.
Imagine having a bunch of guys who can physically overpower you desire you sexually.
The greatest fear of men is that women will laugh at them, the greatest fear of women is that men will kill them.
None of these men think you have any value as a person really, they just think you're hot and want to sleep with you.
It's hard to find a guy of real substance because you constantly have to keep your guard up.
I know as a man it seems like the idea of having the opposite sex slobber all over is amazing, but for a woman it's not. It's scary, it's annoying. These guys think they have a right to our space.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): I am not sure where you get the notion that women are constantly approached by men...that they have all these options. I have yet to hear a single woman complain about having so many quality options to choose from. If a woman is being asked out more times than a man, it doesn't mean that she is in a better position. You're never in a better positions when you have losers and creeps trying to date/screw you. Quantity doesn't mean shit.And the truth is that there are many women who don't draw the attention of men like you think they do. There's only a small number of the female population that gets approached by men on a daily or weekly basis. Those women are either stunners or they have an aura about them that charms men their way. Again, these women are very rare, much like their male counterparts. Most women don't get asked on dates left and right like you think they do. Likewise, I don't know where you see aggressive men who are constantly on the hunt for women. The truth is that there are MANY passive men with confidence issues that rarely approach women. I would even say that American men are the most passive men I have seen.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (23 August 2012):
 Yes, it is easy for a woman to get hit on, or to get a date. But it is not easy to find a quality guy, who isn't taken, who isn't a bum, who doesn't just want to get in your pants, who isn't a player, and who is ready to settle down. So no, the singles scene pretty much sucks! It's fun for a little while, but for a woman who wants to meet Mr. Right and settle down, it's pretty much a nightmare.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): What is it like to be a woman....I m in my early 40s, look young, was always pretty. So, let see, I ve been hit on by men of all ages for the past 25 years non stop.Now that I'm older the man pool has shrunk a little but still everytime I am out, even with my husband men come up to me. I can't possibly like everyone that come up to me and want my number.Now I m married ,so the first thing I say that I'm not available, so that helps. But when I was single, I really needed to filter through men. And believe me the filtering process is very annoying. As much as you don't like to take initiative of starting a conversation, it's the same for us talk to guys over and over again who we know we will never date. Sometime I thought that I'm liked only by much older or very unattractive guys. All the cute guys around me seemed to be unavailable or didn't pay attention to me. Hope that helped
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