A
female
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anonymous
writes:I've heard of this trend in the dating scene where a guy purposely makes a girl feel insecure (through put downs, ignoring etc), just so she will feel bad about herself, more desperate for him, vunerable and hopefully (for the guys) easier to get into bed. This really sickens me. And Im wondering if thats what this guy im dating is doing. I feel like he is toying with my emotions and feelings. He tells me he really likes me and thinks im beautiful etc. He takes me out on dates. But then he will pull away and not talk to me for days. This makes me feel insecure and so on. It makes me worry so much. He promosies to call me, but never does. Then when he finally does decide to talk to me, he acts like nothing happened. He acts like eveyrthing is fine. If you truly liked someone, you wouldnt do that would you? I just dont get what is going on with him. One minute he will act all keen etc, the next hes distant and not talking to me. I jsut dont know how hes going to act. He keeps me waiting and this really anoys me. I never know if today is going to be the day that im loved or ignored. Please help. Me and this guy are both 19 years old.
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female
reader, minkaboo101  +, writes (28 February 2009):
Wow, the same thing has happened to me recently. I've been dating this guy for 2 mos, been seeing him 1-2 times a week. He was withdrawn and then close and it made me curious about him. He was mysterious and made me want him more and yes, he's the quickest guy who got me in bed (date 3). Afterwards, he would sometimes call me 1x a week or none but would ask me out on a date weekly, sometimes via text (!). It was humiliating. I would never know if he would call me this week or not and I'd never see him again. He said he wanted to make it casual. It was distressing and sometimes I'd think about him for days and wonder what's going on? He said that I was cute, attractive and fun. This one was also controlling, so he was trying to train me into letting him lead my life too. He would say thing like, if I like the way things are going, then I'll decide to take it a notch higher and be in a relationship (!!!). Like I don't have a say whether things are going well on MY END? I'm 100% sure that he was a player in the past and was acting 90% like a player with me. Know that you're doing nothing wrong and is currently being played/toyed with. The bottom line is this: He doesn't care how bad you bad. My guy was aware of it b/c I confronted him about how he makes me feel but he kept doing it. For me I decided that (1) The guy HAS to treat me nicely and (2) Cannot limit my freedom. If he's not sure about me, fine, but he doesn't have to mistreat me. I have feelings. I would talk to him nicely and tell him how you feel and see if he stops. If he still toys with you...then he prob won't stop. You need to protect yourself. This is NOT the way to be introduced to the dating world at 19 yrs of age!! It will taint your view for life, and if you meet a good guy in the near future, you won't know it. Is this one jerk worth that? If you could get someone who looks like this jerk but one who treats you well, wouldn't you choose this one? You WILL meet plenty of guys in the future. Try to walk away if possible and give yourself TIME to get over him. I did. I dumped his ass the next time he was rude to me and I never called/answered his calls.
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (31 August 2008):
 It does sound like he is playing mind games with you. The only way to combat this is to never put up with it. Get rid of any guy who does this and you won't have to deal with it. It more gals dumped at the first sign of this nonsense, maybe more guys wouldn't stop doing it.
We teach people how to treat us.
This boy won't change. Find a new nice one!
Best wishes xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): The way to turn the tables around is for YOU to start ignoring him. Do not respond right away and agree to go on dates with him after he disappears for a few days. Act like you're too busy for him. Act like there are other guys pursuing you and that you do not care at all whether he calls you or not. You have to make the guy feel that you are not always readily available for him. If he feels that you're always waiting around for him your value in his eyes will drop. To make him want you is to make yourself less available.
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A
male
reader, ak202 +, writes (31 August 2008):
I feel that he is playing with your emotions. I would like to think that maybe he's got things going on and is maybe unsure of his feelings but I truly doubt that. You should wait for him to call you, don't call him for a while. If he's interested trust me (as a guy i know) he'll call you. But you want to take it with a grain of salt sweety. And if you do get involved please take things slow...my current girlfriend's had similar problems in her past. But take it slow, if he's a gentlemen he won't rush you into anything that you aren't ready for. If he does try anything, drop him and move on to someone better. Personally I hate guys like that. -taken from a male's point of view.
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A
female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (31 August 2008):
hiyah, the good thing to come of this is you have noticed the way certain guys (your guy) work, its a clever way and it makes you literally pine for them that is until you realise what there doing and the games up.
hes clearly using you hun and ou need to get out there i find somebody genuine, someone who really loves you not somebody who picks and chooses when hes bord, its not a real relationship its just a harsh way of being treated by somebody whos supposed to love you.
If you carry on playing his game he wil turn you into an insecure person and it will affect your future relationships. learn from it now and get out while you can, this guys taken enough.
its your turn to get out there and be that strong in control person you used to be,
good luck, let us know how it goes xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): He's selfish and a non-empathiser. He does what he wants on his own terms. My ex boyfriend was like that. We went out for 3 years. He would love me when he felt like it, when he didn't feel like it (not that often but still) he would just go cold and ignore me for as long as he felt like. I just got used to it in the end, realised that he was selfish and never really understood how a girl was supposed to be treated and I eventually left him. But now I've just started dating a guy that is always there for me and is always telling me how much I mean to him etc and its so much better. He would never ignore me or go cold cos he knows how that would make me feel. I mean I don't know this guy or the real details of your situation but I'd say he isn't very empathetic or sensitive to your feelings if he would do this, and do you really want a guy like that? You deserve better...On the other hand it may just be that he thinks being a big jerk will make you like him more....so he has to realise that it won't. Tell him straight up how it makes you feel and if he changes then fine, if he doesn't then you know what to do.
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (31 August 2008):
 ahhhh!
you're right he is really trying to play with your emotions just to keep you his!and make you desperate for him...
don't show him that! don't make him think that he's getting you where he wants you to be... play his game.. if he doesn't call why should you care...?keeping you waiting?well do the same thing to him:)
some guys really are jerks! and i've been with someone like that..
and if you do all that and he still doesn't care or show intrest.. well get rid of him:)...
take care bye XXXX..good luck and keep us updated:)
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