A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear readers, My post is kind of long, so please bear with me..It all started in 2011 when i got a text message from my childhood schoolmate. We started speaking well. Infact we used to text each other rather through out day and night.Then one day in 2013 january i told her that i have a crush on her and she told me she had a crush on me since our childhood (dont laugh) We were texting more and more and i invested all my time to get this girl of my dreams because i liked her genuinely. Then one day we started sexting each other and that led to video call (i dont have to explain, please understand). Being an Indian woman she is very reserved about matters when it comes to romance and intimacy. After 1 week of our sex chats she said 'why do you always think about romance and stuff? I dont like talking about such stuff always' I said ok.Then later in august 2013 after her work she came to meet me in the night at 10 pm and we went for a drive where we kissed for the first time. Then in december she started ignoring me and i took the cue and i stopped speaking to her. Then one day she texts me and starts sending all these smiley kisses and i just had melt down for her. Things were going good again till april 2014 when i met her, i kissed her and then for the first time i took her permission and caressed her breasts. After that day i left for a vaction with friends. And slowly i felt the connection was going away. I tried hard not to appear desperate but i just could not find a way to talk to her properly, at the same time she was applying to universities in the united states to do her masters. She said she had many things on mind so cannot talk about our future or relationship, i said ok and gave her space. Then when i tried to speak to her again, i tried to have a sex chat but she resisted that and said she wants to be normal till the time when we get married. I was a jovial kind of person never scared of the future till i started speaking to her, she poked me about the future plans and stuff and we even went to the extent of talking about how many kids we were going to have.After she said she dint want to have sex chats, i met her on august 1st 2014 and she said she cannot be the person she was till her parents accepted me. For me to speak to her parents, i am a medical student and its hard to settle down fast and i cannot speak to her parents before that..Those on and off moments continued and one day on october 26th 2014 she just stopped talking, i maintained no contact till november 14th but that day i lost my balance because i had euthanize my pet dog of 10 years and i was emotionally very disturbed. She just blocked me completely on whatsapp.On 29th november my mom seeing my condition texted her saying 'if u dont like him u can be open to me about it and if u like him me and and my husband will convince your parents when the time to get married arrives. He has exams that will decide his future and dont do this to him at this crutial moment and tell him that you dont like him and i can handle my son'. She unblocked me the next day, she spoke normally, and then i made a foolish move of asking about the things of her past that i knew from other friends but she never told me. She had a relationship with a guy before me but never mentioned it. She said dont think about all this crap and spoil your future and career, when the day to get married comes i will talk to you, till that time i am blocking you again.She seemed very cold and it pushed me into depths of depression and i have exams for my final coming up and just not able to concentrate. There are two ways of interpreting her last text, either she likes me and wants to stay away from me till we get married or she just was searching for a reason to push me away. I am really depressed and even had the thoughts of spying on her due to insecurity (because of an ex gf who cheated)(this girl knows about that ex) but i myself thought there will be no good coming out of spying and if i find anything that i wish i had not, it will push me even deeper into depression. I just dont know how to handle this situation..Please help me people, i really believe in humanity and that there are nice people out there who could give me an advice about handling this.Ps: please Keep in mind that i am from india and our culture is very different about marriages and dating..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 December 2014):
Good day sir,
I also find her actions very strange and thus very confusing. I think the answer is that she herself is confused but she has come to learn to remove confusion in her life. I do not believe ignoring you on Whatsapp and ignoring you makes anything better. Perhaps she felt some shame going against somethings her parents wished for her.
I have understandings of Indian dating and marriage but this is strange. It seems like she is only focused on marriage and you want the dating experience of talking to her as well. I think even if you knew what was going on with her, you will not win in this. You will have to force yourself to focus on your tests. You are losing faith in yourself and trust me, at the end of the day no woman likes a man who is being weak. You need to pick yourself up and stop depending on her for your happiness. She is part of your happiness but she should not be all of it. You should be praying and believing in yourself in these moments. Be sure to find yourself again.
A
female
reader, suzzzque232  +, writes (5 December 2014):
 maybe she got sick of the sexting and stuff all the time. i know i lose interest in a guy very quickly if all he wants to do and/or talk about is sex!
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