A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so, I went to school with this girl and I've been really good friends with her for about 2 and a half years. She's been dating this guy for 3 years.She's helped me through alot, and somewhere through all that I fell for her. I mean I was like every guy who had a girl as a friend... I liked her a little but I could push her away if someone else came up. But then I couldn't anymore.Anyway, about 2 years into their relationship he asked for a break. Then they broke up and got back together. She told him this was his only second change. Fast forward to about a month ago. I had been hitting on her pretty heavily and we talked pretty much all day long. We started talking on webcam everyday as well. Then he asks for another break. They don't talk for 3 weeks, she talks to me everyday and then a couple days after christmas we hang out and she kisses me. We fool around for the next couple of days and then she sends me a message saying she's sorry its not fair that she's not over him etc. She asked me not to hate her and stick around because it'd be nice for me to be there to talk to while she deals with all of this.Prior to this she had asked me out on an official date. She said she felt something for me. It appears they are somewhat getting along again. Apparently we're still going to go the movie we planned on. Is she going to get back together with him or is she just trying to be his friend at least? Was she totally just rebounding or did she feel anything? And what about the movie? Is she trying to keep this alive so when she gets over him we can try again? Any thoughts and opinions are welcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): I agree with both anonymous below, dont go to the movies, you need to communicate with her clearly that u think its not real feelings (its hard thing to grasp) and you'll say BUT i DO have feelings. Most of the time that isnt the case as stated below, u developed feelings out of comfort and so did she, (its also a hard thing to admit) but for your interactions to ever be healthy you need to clearly come across to her that u dont think she has true feelings and that you dont think you have true feelings either regardless of whats happened or how things have seemed, its doomed to failure if you take her back as she is just pulling the comfort card out on you again, and you (unknowingly) fell for her that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): I agree with both anonymous below, dont go to the movies, you need to communicate with her clearly that u think its not real feelings (its hard thing to grasp) and you'll say BUT i DO have feelings. Most of the time that isnt the case as stated below, u developed feelings out of comfort and so did she, (its also a hard thing to admit) but for your interactions to ever be healthy you need to clearly come across to her that u dont think she has true feelings and that you dont think you have true feelings either regardless of whats happened or how things have seemed, its doomed to failure if you take her back as she is just pulling the comfort card out on you again, and you (unknowingly) fell for her that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): she is only trying to keep you there incase things dont work with her ex and most likely she has been talking to him during the 3 weeks u just didnt know it. She clearly wants to me with him and work things out with him even if they do break off for good, your only the back-up she doesnt have any real feelings. You only fell for her cause she was there for you and helped you through your tough time so in reality all you want is a campanion and you dont really have feelings for her either. She will always wanna be more than friends with him thats just the way it works, so would definately say shes not over him and still wants to make it work, in the meantime dont waste your time to find out if she will get back with him or not, find the one you really love cause its not her she was just a support system and she will likely always choose him over you so you should be smart and make sure you dont lose someone who really loves you over a girl who really doesnt have true feelings towards you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): i dont think you two would ever work out even if she did get over her ex, you guys have been friends and i think if something were to happen between you guys then it would have already, shes helped you threw things and you've helped you threw things and thats basically all it will ever be. We all have that relationship that we feel is the one and for her that isnt you, its him. She is only dragging you along, as i think both are you are doing to each other- she only likes you because things arent going so great with her ex and you only like her because she has been there for you, see what im saying? Its not based off of anything either you REALLY feel for eachother, she really feels for her ex an although she said she felt something for you, its coming from the place she just wants that comfort so in other words she doesnt really have a like towards you but i like towards the comfort you bring when things go badly with him, i would set your boundaries..my question to you is do you have an ex also that you have talked to while you two were "liking" eachother because in that case you love your ex and she loves her ex you two are nothing more than friends and should just set the line between you that you dont TRUELY have feelings for eachother you just are using eachother in times of need and only thinking that you two have feelings for eachother when in reality the feelings arent really there there just there as comfort.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Im sorry to hear that she basically dumped you and said he has feelings for him, but i would definately say yes you guys have been good friends, and probably should remain just that, she likes having you around and you guys can have fun together and get a long but she is clearly dragging you along, if she was fooling around with you, and said it wasnt fair then you were there to just fill the void, she will always want to be with him thats just the way it is with most relationships there is always one person you'll always want to be with, and i would say yes that she wants you there if he ends up breaking up with her again i think the key to your question is dont get fixed up between real feelings and feelings you just think are there, you turned to her when you had problems (maybe with a previous relationship) only because she was a friend and because you felt like maybe u couldnt talk to your current partner about it. It seems like you both are having problems and just trying to be there for eachother but in reality i dont think you should be more then friends it will never work. My question to you is do you have an ex just as she has an ex?
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 January 2010):
Basically, you're second best if it goes wrong.
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