A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:3 months ago I heard my ex flirting on the phone with a man, which really hurt me and made me write a touching goodbye message to her. She told me she loves me and didn't want me to leave her. I ignored her for two weeks to hurt her back but she was heartbroken over it and started the silent treatment which has basically lasted to this day. She thought I don't love her but over time I've been able to prove her wrong.Still, she avoids me like the plague and tries her best to pretend like I don't exist, trying not to think about me at all. I've explained why I did what I did and apologized, given her time and space but nothing has worked so far. I saw her again after two weeks of no contact and she started crying upon seeing me. The next day I confronted her again and she would just keep pretending like I didn't exist. She won't block my phone number or delete me off facebook. I know she reads every message I send her and loves the attention from me but won't respond. Should I just wait a month or longer until she contacts me? What's the best course of action and why is she doing this? Is she over me and feels bad for what happened or is she too proud to admit she did a mistake but still loves me, or is it something else that I'm not seeing? I want to understand because I want her back.
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (22 January 2013):
She's playing games and your playing games and it f***** up the relationship the fact that she flirted then wen't hot and cold is not worth your time and honestly it's not worth your time playing games either.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 December 2012):
 DEFINE flirting. If my husband heard me flirting on the phone with someone he's laugh... FLIRTING is not cheating. So if was truly just some harmless flirting then I think you may have over-reacted.
I love the whole “touching goodbye message” DRAMA much? Seriously… if you wrote a touching goodbye message I am sensing it was a way to guilt her into staying with you. (not that flirting indicates a woman is leaving you, or cheating on you)..
SHE told you that she loves you and didn’t want to break up. (makes sense to me) and you opted to ignore her for two weeks to HURT HER BACK. Sorry. It’s comparing apples to hamburgers. Her flirting with someone on the phone hurt you because of your insecurity in the relationship… HOW is you choosing to ignore her the same thing?
YOU ignored her. She’s made it clear that ignoring her was NOT acceptable. I agree with her. It’s childish and petty and it’s a manipulative move.
You are both playing games with each other now and it’s childish.
ONE of you needs to be an adult and walk away. Since she’s ignoring you (although she has not blocked you) I think you need to LET THIS GO.
You can’t have her back… if she wanted to be back with you it’s been three months and she would be back with you. When my husband and I had one huge fight and broke up we couldn’t last a week apart from each other…
Time to cut bait and move on.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 December 2012):
I had a girlfriend do the exact same thing you did to your girlfriend. It really hurt and although I loved her and wanted to be with her I never went back with her because I felt it things couldn't be the same again. I didn't want to be with somebody who would break my heart. It seems like your ex still really likes you but she's probably done the same.
After this amount of time you might just want to move on and if she wants you back she knows where to find you.
Besides, it's way better to be the case than the chaser.
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